


godfeels 3, part 1: divergence syndrome

by KeeperofManyNames, SarahZedig



Series: godfeels, or: "i dreamed of feeling better" [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternia, American Politics, Anxiety, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Rapping, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Cosplay, Dismemberment, Earth C (Homestuck), Emotional Baggage, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hormones, Innuendo, Lesbian Relationships, Mild Sexual Content, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Recreational Drug Use, Relationship Problems, Space Opera, Trans Female Terezi Pyrope, Trans Female Vriska Serket, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 68,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22446544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeeperofManyNames/pseuds/KeeperofManyNames, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahZedig/pseuds/SarahZedig
Summary: The human called June Eg8ert is about to collide with the shards of a reality she herself helped to break.Will she pick up the pieces, or merely make a bigger mess?We are very curious to find out.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Davepetasprite/Jade Harley, June Egbert & Jade Harley, June Egbert/Rose Lalonde, June Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: godfeels, or: "i dreamed of feeling better" [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1475819
Comments: 87
Kudos: 277





	1. keepsake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of violence and domestic abuse.

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


We see the planet called Earth C suspended in a sunbeam, indistinguishable from the billions of other planets, stars, and galaxies hurtling through space if not for its pale blue sheen.  
  
As we approach, we see now that its continents are vastly different from how we saw them last. Eons have passed, though for us this passing occurred in a matter of moments, and now this world is something new. Something alive and full of promise.  
  
Promises are fickle, however, and the potential energy of this place is ripe for exploitation. Whether this occurs or not is of little material importance, as Earth C will die eventually regardless. But the living have a predilection for ignorance, especially when it comes to endings, and the people we have come to know are fighting desperately to keep the promise they made when they opened the door to this infant universe and stepped inside.  
  
All of which is to say that hope blankets the land like a cool breeze as we approach an oversized boardroom on the top floor of the CrockerCorp headquarters, where the strange human called June Egbert is thinking to herself:  
  
Oh my god, shut up.  
  
Terezi sighs as loud as she can, and the bickering duo up front turn in our direction.

Jane: I'm sorry, are we boring you?  
Terezi: Y3S  
June: yeah kind of.  
Jane: Well, I apologize for needling you with the demographic breakdown of our various kingdoms, OBVIOUSLY resource management isn't a priority at all!  
Karkat: RESOURCE MANAGEMENT MY EXCREMENT SHUTE, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT POPULATION CONTROL!!!  
Jane: I'm talking about preserving the delicate balance of nature as we look forward to another decade of increased demand for-  
Karkat: WE LITERALLY LIVE IN A POST-SCARCITY UTOPIA!!!!   
Jane: That's all well and good, Mr. Vantas, but who exactly is supposed to pay for all of that unrestricted alchemizer use?  
Karkat: WE ARE!!!!!!!!!  
Jane: And that strikes you as fair, then, does it?  
Karkat: FAIR?  
Karkat: FAIR???!!  
Karkat: THE BEST MATHEMAGICIAN IN THE MULTIVERSE WOULD FALL INTO A DISSOCIATIVE FUGUE IF THEY TRIED TO CALCULATE THE EXACT QUANTITY OF GRIST AND BOONBUCKS HELD BY THE FIVE OF US IN THIS ROOM ALONE!  
Jane: Your point is...?  
Karkat: OH MY GOD  
Karkat: I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND  
(Terezi: H3'S NOT TH3 ONLY ON3)  
(June: heh)  
Karkat: MY POINT IS YOU COULD INSTITUTE A 99% GOD TAX AND WE WOULD STILL HAVE MORE WEALTH THAN ANYONE COULD CONCEIVABLY SPEND IN A LIFETIME  
Karkat: AND WHAT DO WE EVEN USE THIS WEALTH FOR ANYWAY?? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FUNCTIONALLY USELESS GAME ABSTRACTIONS THAT ONLY EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE TO CREATE ARBITRARY SPEED LIMITS ON OUR PROGRESS!  
Jane: That hardly seems relevant to the problem at hand.  
Karkat: THERE IS NO PROBLEM, JANE, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF BEFORE IT BURROWS THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL AND NESTLES IN YOUR THINKPAN LIKE A WOKENESS PARASITE???  
Jane: Even if our resources are unlimited, and that's a BIG if, there's only so much space on Earth C. It would be incredibly naive to assume that everything will just happen to wind up hunky dory without some kind of forward-thinking progressive policy in place!  
Karkat: EUGENICS AREN'T PROGRESSIVE YOU BATTER-SLINGING SPEED BUMP!  
Jane: Now hold on, nobody said _anything_ about eugenics! I'm simply suggesting that we implement a mild limitation on reproduction-  
Karkat: GEE, I WONDER WHICH KINGDOM THAT WOULD DISPROPORTIONATELY AFFECT!  
Karkat: WAIT, NO I DON'T, BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUSLY THE TROLL KINGDOM!!!!  
Jane: I would never implement a policy that wasn't fairly and proportionately applied across all demographics-  
Karkat: THERE YOU GO AGAIN VOMITING UP "FAIR" LIKE IT'S THE TROLL SWITZERLAND OF WORDS  
Karkat: PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW ANY HYPOTHETICAL "MILD LIMITATION ON REPRODUCTION" COULD EVER POSSIBLY AVOID OVERWHELMINGLY TARGETING THE ONE SENTIENT SPECIES ON THIS STUPID ROCK THAT REPRODUCES VIA MASS BROOD-LAYING?  
Jane: Well, SINCE you brought it up, yes, I am rather concerned about what might happen if troll reproduction is left unchecked-  
Karkat: SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU'D RATHER SYSTEMATICALLY REINFORCE THE ARBITRARY CENTRALITY OF HUMAN BEINGS IN EARTH C POLITICS THROUGH EUGENICS THAN ACTUALLY PUT IN THE ARMJOINT LUBRICANT IT TAKES TO CREATE AN EQUITABLE SOCIETY THAT WORKS FOR EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF RACE CLASS OR CREED?  
(Terezi: W4S TH4T 4LL ON3 S3NT3NC3?)  
(June: I think it was, yeah)  
(Terezi: 1MPR3SS1V3)  
Jane: Okay, now you're just deliberately misrepresenting my words to fit your own agenda when I clearly said-  
Karkat: THERE'S A FUCKING ENDLESSLY GARGANTUAN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT YOU LITERALLY SAID AND WHAT YOU ACTUALLY MEANT   
Karkat: EVERYONE KNOWS THAT HANDWRINGING OVER EXCESS POPULATION IS JUST A RIGHTWING BARKBEASTWHISTLE USED TO JUSTIFY RACIST CLASSIST XENOPHOBIC-  
Jane: I am not xenophobic you nub-horned little cretin!  
Karkat: OH, I'M SORRY, YOU'RE RIGHT, OF COURSE YOU AREN'T A XENOPHOBE. HOW COULD I BE SO INSENSITIVE?  
Karkat: YOU'RE ACTUALLY EVEN WORSE THAN A XENOPHOBE  
Karkat: YOU'RE A FUCKING CAPITALIST!!  
Jane: Lord in heaven give me strength.  
Karkat: THERE IS NO HEAVEN AND YOU KNOW IT.  
Karkat: AND THE ONLY LORD WE EVER MET WAS A BULGE-HUNGRY REDDIT CHUD BUTTHURT THAT THE UNIVERSE WASN'T LITERALLY MADE FOR HIM  
Karkat: WHICH ACTUALLY MAKES HIM A REALLY APPROPRIATE DEITY FOR YOU TO PRAY TO NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT  
Rose: Can I interrupt?  
June: yes please!

She leans 8ack in her chair with her arms crossed. Despite sitting at the side of the table, far from the center of this wildly pointless conflict, Rose looks like she owns the room.

Rose: Karkat is right and that's all there is to say on the matter.  
Karkat: THANK YOU  
Jane: Now hold on just a-  
Rose: Hush.  
Rose: We're not doing eugenics. Not today, not ever. The matter's settled.  
Jane: But-

Rose tilts her head forward juuuuuuuust a little, giving Jane a decidedly ominous stinkeye.

Rose: Unless you want every single person in this room to go to war with you and your company, you will consider the matter settled.  
Jane: I don't appreciate-  
Rose: We'll win. You know we'll win.  
Jane: Hmph. Fine.  
Rose: Good.  
Rose: Now that that's out of the way, can we finally get to the actual purpose of this meeting and talk about June's birthday party?  
Jane: I suppose we did get a bit carried away...  
Rose: You did.  
Rose: Alright June, you have the floor.

All eyes turn to me.  
  
I remem8er a time when being the center of attention like this would make me nervous. Even among the friends who've known me my whole life, I couldn't help worrying what they thought of me, if they approved of my choices, if they judged me for saying or doing the wrong thing. Could I even know what the wrong thing was?  
  
Guess I still struggle with that last one sometimes...  
  
When I set my hands on the ta8le, my metal arm makes a loud *clink* at the elbow. It's been over half a year since I got this damn thing and it still surprises me, like I'll forget it's not really an ela8or8 glove that I'm wearing for aesthetic purposes.  
  
Terezi's hand is on my knee. On the other side of the table, Jane and Karkat take their seats. They keep angrily glancing at each other, and I can't help wondering if this is a kismesis thing. What would Dave think of that?? Too 8ad he's not here to speak for himself, but he's been a little hesitant to leave the house after his uh...  
  
cat. thing.  
  
Jade should 8e here too, but no one was surprised when she didn't show. She's been pretty reclusive herself after the whole "prologue" fiasco a few weeks ago.  
  
Rose is watching me with arched brows and a curious smile.

June: I was hoping more people would show up, 8ut I guess this is it. um.  
June: so yeah, my birthday's coming up in a few days and it's my first one since, you know, 8ecoming _me,_ so...  
Jane: What I don't understand is why you're here at all. Shouldn't we be planning this thing behind your back, as a surprise?  
June: I don't know. I guess.  
June: this isn't really a8out me.

I look out the window, and my stomach churns a 8it remembering the time I got fucked up in another timeline and punched this very 8uilding into oblivion.  
  
what was it like to 8e in this room when that happened, I wonder?  
  
oof, not a pleasant thought.

June: all the shit that happened last summer was a disaster in just a8out every way you-  
Terezi: H3R3 COM3S 3GB3RT W1TH Y3T 4NOTH3R STUNN1NG SOC1OLOG1C4L 1NS1GHT  
June: yeah yeah, it's o8vious, I get it. just let me talk, okay?  
Terezi: F1N3

deep 8reath.

June: people don't like us.  
Jane: What?  
Karkat: WHAT?  
June: people don't like us!  
Jane: Which people?  
June: everyone.  
Karkat: WHY NOT?  
June: we're sitting in a literal gold tower right now casually arguing a8out whether or not we should do some eugenics. why do you think?  
Jane: We're their gods, June. It's our responsibility to have hard conversations and make difficult choices on their behalf.  
June: you're right. we have a responsi8ility to take care of this place and its people.  
June: 8ut Karkat is even more right-  
Karkat: THANK YOU  
June: -in that we can't 8e selfish with how we follow through on that responsibility.  
June: Jane, I love you.  
Jane: There's a "but" coming, isn't there?  
June: but.  
Jane: Crimeny.  
June: I promise I'm not trying to dog pile you. we've all got 8iases and I know you're doing your best.  
June: 8ut like...  
June: why does crockercorp even exist?  
Karkat: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!  
Jane: This is starting to feel a lot like a dogpile, June!  
June: sorry, we don't have to get into it okay?  
June: I just think it would 8e a good idea for us to do some outreach, you know? outside the whole...  
June: corporate 8randing thing.  
Jane: What's wrong with branding?  
Karkat: PLEASE READ SOME NAOMI KLINE YOU FUCKING TROGLODITE  
Rose: Oh, I'm sure you've read No Logo cover to cover.  
Karkat: I SKIMMED IT, OK? THAT'S STILL MORE THAN THE SUGARWENCH OVER HERE-  
June: wow, this is so not what I want to talk a8out!!!!!!!!  
June: all I'm trying to say is that the last time people really saw us together in pu8lic, I was a screaming mutil8d wreck and-

(SHE'S GONE)  
  
ah-  
  
shake my head. the memory still  
  
hurts  
  
sometimes  
  
8ut I know how to swallow it now. take the pain and keep walking.  
  
just breathe.

June: they used to see us as mythical creatures.  
June: now they see us as...

I flex my right hand and listen to the tiny grinding whir from inside my fingers. am I past due for a tune up on this thing? ugh

June: well, we've all read the blogs and watched the 8roadcasts. we know how they see us.  
Terezi: 1 H4V3N'T R34D 4NYTH1NG  
Jane: I have interns to summarize public opinion for me.  
Karkat: I READ THE WIKI  
June: there's a wiki?  
Rose: It was one of the most important theopolitical events in history, June. Of course there's a wiki.  
June: damn. what does it say a8out me?  
Karkat: THERE'S A PARAGRAPH DEVOTED TO YOUR HAIR  
June: WH8T!! my hair was so weird 8ack then, I had no idea what I was-  
June: oh shit, that reminds me.

I reach down 8eside me into my satchel 8ag and pull out a couple bottles of pills.  
  
1T'S CUT3 TH4T YOU C4LL YOUR PURS3 4 S4TCH3L B4G  
  
it's literally a satchel 8ag!!  
  
UHUH. >;]  
  
whatever. I dump three pills into my palm, one 8ig disc of spiro, two tiny ovals of E, swallow the first one with some water from the 8ig bottle I carry everywhere now 8ecause FUCK I get dehydr8d fast these days, then put the other two under my tongue.

June: almof forgo' my medj, shorry. I'm gonna spheak a li'l weird unfil 'e E disholves.  
June: fanksh again Jane, 8y 'e way.  
Jane: It's my pleasure. How are you feeling about your progress, anyhow? I must say, you seem to be developing quite ni-  
Jane: ...hm.  
Jane: I shouldn't say things like that, should I?  
June: no  
Terezi: NO  
Rose: Definitely not.  
Jane: Right. Apologies, I'm still getting used to-  
Karkat: IS IT REALLY SO HARD FOR YOU TO JUST LEAVE IT AT "SORRY?"  
Jane: Well now, Mr. Vantas, I think I have every right to defend-  
Jane: ...  
Jane: Hrm. No. You're right. I'm sorry.

hold up. are we... are we getting through to her????????  
  
damn. magic really IS real, huh?

June: well, fanksh for your apology. I'm abou' ash happy ash-  
June: fuck this I'm just gonna swallow the pills.  
June: I'm a8out as happy as I can be since I'm only a few months in.  
June: wish my tits would hurry up and get 8igger but I guess I just gotta have patience!  
Jane: You'll wish your breasts were smaller in a few years, trust me.  
June: ahhaha uh, sure, yeah.  
June: anyway I gotta say I'm surprised you guys haven't like... kept up with the takes more?  
Karkat: HAVE YOU?  
June: well, yeah! it's important to know what people are saying a8out us. how are we supposed to steward this fucking society if we don't pay attention to it?  
Rose: And precisely how often do you check the pulse of the layperson?  
June: uuuuuuuugh I don't want to talk a8out it, okay?  
June: all I'm trying to say is if we really want to do right 8y these people, if we want to actually BUILD something that isn't just gonna make things worse, we have to get out there and show them who we are!  
Jane: What are you proposing, then?  
June: every fucking one of my 8irthdays since we got here was just at my house all sad and stuff. this year I want to do something 8ig and public and GOOD.  
June: feast, meet and greet, speeches, just a reach out into the community to show them that we're a gaggle of normal-ass people.  
June: that's all I want, you know? I want them to see us for who we are.

everyone is staring at me. I'm not sure how to read the room anymore. are they judging me? are they-  
  
Terezi squeezes my knee right yeah it's fine, we're just, this is a normal convers8ion. god. old ha8its, huh?

Rose: I admire your intentions, June, but I have to admit that I'm a touch... skeptical.  
Jane: Well, I think it's a splendid idea! I already have a dozen suggestions for the menu and the accoutrements-  
June: why are you skeptical, Rose?

She scratches her chin like she doesn't already know exactly what she's going to say.

Rose: I suppose we _are_ normal people, in a nominal sense. We need to eat, we need to sleep, we get bored, we make love.  
(Terezi: TH4T'S ON3 TH1NG TO C4LL 1T)  
Rose: We have all the same urges as everyone else on Earth C, and you're astute to observe that there are few substantive differences between us and them.  
Rose: It just so happens that said few are _very_ substantive differences between us and them.  
Rose: For instance: the fact that there is an "us" and a "them" in the first place.  
June: okay, 8ut those are just words-  
Rose: No they aren't.  
Rose: Take away our wealth, our powers, and our standing as the creators of this universe, it's still indisputably true that we've led distinctly exceptional lives. That alone is more than enough to separate "us" from "them."  
Rose: But, of course, you _can't_ take away our wealth, powers, or standing, which only multiplies our irreconcilable disconnection from the so-called "Average Joe."  
Karkat: THAT'S JUST CLASS ESSENTIALISM, THERE'S NO INHERENT FUCKING QUALITY OF OUR GODLY PRIVILEGES THAT MAKES THE PROLETARIAT-  
Rose: It seems someone's been reading a _lot_ of wikis lately.  
Karkat: HEY FUCK YOU! ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE AND YOUR RIGID LITTLE COMMUNICATION GLYPHS HURT MY EYES WHEN I STARE AT THEM TOO LONG  
Rose: I apologize for my insensitive remark. Admittedly, you might be right that the circumstances of our upbringing and our generally pedestrian lifestyles-

She looks around pointedly at the lavish 8oardroom and Jane's perfectly tailored blazer.

Rose: -keeps us more or less realistically grounded.  
Rose: Let's take that proposition as granted and look at it from the outside. How do _they_ see us?  
Rose: We're no mere celebrities, June. Our childhoods are taught in textbooks. Everything we say and do is scrutinized and twisted to suit any number of disparate ideological positions.  
Rose: I don't mean to be the proverbial soggy blanket in this conversation. Outreach is a good idea, and having a public celebration for an important milestone in our personal lives is hardly an unprecedented occurrence.  
Rose: My skepticism has much more to do with the potential efficacy of such an event.  
June: what do you mean?  
Rose: Even without brands, this will still functionally be a PR stunt. Access will be privileged, every picosecond of festivity will be televised, and we won't seem any less _deific_ to them than we already do.

I sigh and cradle my head in my hands. I want to argue with her, 8ut...

June: uuuuuuuugh!  
June: I just want to do something fun! why does it always have to 8e such a federal fucking issue????????  
Rose: You're the one who chose to assemble a committee.  
June: yeah ok you got me there.  
June: fuck, man.  
June: fuck!  
Terezi: FUCK  
June: why are _you_ fucking, you aren't even-  
Terezi: >;]  
June: I MEAN WHY ARE YOU SAYING-  
June: god, I'm way too tired for this!  
June: I see why you have interns for this shit, Jane. it's fucking exhausting.  
Jane: See? Running a multinational corporation isn't all cookies and ice cream!  
Karkat: NOT THAT YOU'D GUESS BY LOOKING AT-  
Jane: CRAM IT, BOZO!  
Karkat: !!!!  
Karkat: >:X  
Rose: It's your birthday, June. If you want to hold a public soiree, then that's what we'll do. I just think it's important to have realistic expectations of what can and can't be accomplished through the medium of parties.  
June: ...right.

This is why I stayed out of the spotlight for so long. It's like the second you make yourself known, you can't do anything without running it through a panel of advisors and experts first.  
  
sigh.  
  
is she wrong? I wish I could say yes without some dou8t, but... I don't know. how do you make people see you for who you are? how do you convince them that you're on their side?  
  
I don't know. I don't know.  
  
we have to do something, don't we?

June: I get what you're saying, and... I dunno. you're pro8ably right, as usual.  
June: I just want to mingle, okay? I want to do something NORMAL. even if the paparazzi won't leave us alone or whatever.  
June: we can cur8 the thing, you know? like, invite folks from all over so it's not just us and a 8unch of toadies masturb8ing to ourselves in front of the whole DON'T EVEN START, TZ.  
Terezi: 4WWW, YOU'R3 NO FUN  
June: I want this to 8e the first part of something bigger. we've 8een collectively asleep at the wheel for waaaaaaaay too long, and again, I love you Jane, 8ut we've gotta do better than...

I gesture at the 8randed coffee mug and water 8ottle and table and chair and every damn thing else that has the Crocker insignia pressed into its surface.

June: ...this.  
June: they deserve 8etter, don't you think?

Jane looks cornered, 8ut also a little... what is that? conflicted?  
  
she ducks away from my gaze and looks out the window at the endless rows of houses down 8elow. there's a long silence, then-

Jane: Hm. Maybe.

She says it in a whisper like it just slipped out accidentally, and every8ody, even Rose, gasps. Jane looks around at us like she's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, except instead of cookies it's serious introspection.

Jane: What? Have I got something in my teeth?  
Rose: Not as such, no.  
Jane: Then why are you all-  
June: can we not get into it?  
June: Jane, just do us all a favor and hold on to whatever the heck is going on in your head right now and get ready to explore that space. 8ut like... l8r.  
June: we've already 8een here forever and I really don't want to get sucked down another politics ra88it hole, okay?  
June: is that cool with everyone?  
Terezi: 1T'S COOL W1TH M3, 4ND 1'M TH3 ONLY ORG4N1SM 1N TH1S F4C1L1TY WHOS3 OP1N1ON M4TT3RS  
June: can't argue with that.

Terezi smiles at me, and I smile 8ack. what do I taste like right now?  
  
L1K3 4 CUT3 G1RL WHO'S F1N4LLY G3TT1NG TH3 H4NG OF TH1NGS.  
1 SHOULD KNOW, 1'M 4N 3XP3RT 1N H4NG1NGS >:]  
  
I can't help laughing out loud, 8ut I stifle it when the others look at me funny.

June: anyway, uh. I don't know if it'll make a difference? 8ut it's what I want to do.  
Rose: Alright then. Let's make it happen.

She smiles at me like she knows something I don't, and chances are she does. I decide to let it go 8ecause, honestly? A little mystery sounds like a relief compared to all this _knowing._  
  
Time, as it must, continues to pass as these five friends deliberate on the matter of anniversaries and celebration. A plan is made, and as dusk approaches we see them leave the CrockerCorp tower and return to their respective homes.  
  
Days are a terrestrial construct dictated by the rotation of a habitable world around its parent star, an arbitrary aftershock of the necessary evolutionary adaptations prey must make to survive on a volatile and predatory world. They are an inconsequential thing of no value to us whatsoever, except in precisely one respect:  
  
They provide for us a useful dramatic demarcation within the confines of an ongoing narrative. After all, what good is a ticking clock if it doesn't have a face?  
  
"Today," as it were, is the human invention called Wednesday. Three days from now it will be Saturday, April 13th. The day of the party, and the day of much else besides.  
  
But this is hardly the end of our journey's current installment, for we have business elsewhere. So we temporarily turn our gaze away from this world, this star system, this galaxy, this universe, and transition into another universe, another galaxy, another star system, another world.  
  
A familiar world.  
  
We see the planet called Alternia suspended in the dark, its moons locked in the slow dance that plays out among all solar bodies. Gravity keeps them turning towards one another until one day they will collide in cataclysmic fashion. A troll on its surface might spend their whole life watching as these tidally locked oblate spheroids, already impossibly close, reach their inevitable zenith. Said troll might ponder every night the philosophical significance of their homeworld's unstoppable demise, and on the promised day they would die with spectacular irrelevance.  
  
Of course, circumstantially speaking, we know that this cosmic dance will be interrupted in a matter of months when Alternia will be annihilated by meteors and the universe itself run through with miles upon miles of red. Make no mistake, though- this process will be no less natural than lunar collision or solar expansion, for the requisite circumstances of a functioning Universe Engine are equal to gravity in their omniversal constance.  
  
All of which is to say that doom suffuses the air like a fog as we descend down onto the shadowed night-time surface of Alternia and into a remote canyon, where a troll called Vriska Serket is thinking to herself:  
  
Silence!  
  
Sweet, merciful silence, not a peep except the wind. It doesn't sound like the howling screams of dead kids. It doesn't sound like the rocky churn in my gut from not having eaten today. It doesn't sound like anything except victory.  
  
It's such a relief I almost want to cry. I could cry for a lot of reasons, 8ut I know the second I let my guard down something 8ad will happen. There are too many jokers out there with a 8one to pick and I'm not a8out to let them get one over on me!  
  
And just like fucking clockwork, I can hear my lusus rousing from her slum8er, I can feel _hunger_ ripple out of her mind into my own. Won't 8e long 8efore she starts making demands, 8efore she starts 8er8ing me and talking down to me and SCREAMING that I need to feed her or she's gonna-  
  
Can I just have some solitude? Is that RE8LLY so much to 8sk????????  
  
The silence never lasts. If it isn't her, it's the ghosts of the people I feed to her. Even 8efore Aradia made them real, they were already here. Whispering their judgment. Plying me with guilt.  
  
Their voices were so loud though, I had to do SOMETHING. I couldn't just-  
  
Why am I justifying this to myself? It was the o8vious choice and it was the only one that made any sense! I didn't WANT to do it 8ut them's the 8r8ks!  
  
It's fine. It's FINE. It's fine!  
  
I close my eyes and just... try not to think a8out it. Why does it always have to 8e me? They keep putting me in these situ8ions and expecting- expecting what? That a spider won't act like a spider when an enemy falls into her we8????????  
  
Something itches. It's her. It's her voice. Her message. Always HER sneaking in. She's still waking up, 8ut. I can hear her smiling. She doesn't even have LIPS and I can hear her smile. As she thinks inside me. A8out **him.**  
  
Oh please, is that the 8est you've got? I don't give a jug of hoof8east piss a8out him! He's just some creep who thinks he can 8eat me. He's just some creep who thinks he can outsmart me and he's wrong!  
  
I glance at my husktop. Of course Trollian is still open. Of course I've still got his fucking stupid pointless PRETENTIOUS white text highl8d, what does it matter? I'm just gonna close it out and never think a8out it again, I'm not even gonna READ this shit 8ecause it's fucking irrelevant! I'm not even-  
  
  
Aren't you going to kill her?  
  
  
I'm not-  
  
  
She brought them here to torment you.  
  
  
stop reading  
  
  
This obviously warrants revenge.  
  
  
stop th8nking a8out him  
  
  
You know you're going to anyway.  
  
  
STOP! ST8P 8T!!!!!!!!  
  
JUST  
  
just stop. Stop thinking a8out him. I close his window and. I stop. I stop thinking a8out him, I...  
  
He doesn't control me. He doesn't know anything. He doesn't know ANYTHING! He's a manipul8ive little liar and he's so full of shit with his white words and his stupid stupid stupid stupid stupiD STUPID STUPID ST8PID FUCKING 8TTITUDE!!!!!!!!  
  
I made Sollux kill Aradia 8ecause I wanted to! It was my choice, I don't care WHAT that pervy num8skull says.  
  
Fuck you. Fuck you. FUCK YOU! Aradia knew what she was getting into! If she didn't want to play the same game as me, she shouldn't have tried to compete. She gave up her off-limits privilege the second she made this personal. She left me no choice!  
  
I close my eyes and push down the sick and misera8le w8 of what I've done until it simply doesn't exist anymore. I did what I had to do. There was no other choice. I did what I had to. There was no other-  
  
  
You won't be able to help yourself.  
  
  
NO. You're wrong! You're wrong a8out me and you KNOW IT!   
  
No tears. I'm not crying. There's nothing to cry a8out. I'm not even upset! Just annoyed that I keep letting him under my carapace when I should 8e figuring out how to feed my fucking lusus-  
  
There's a DING from my husktop.  
  
When I see her teal sym8ol, relief hits me like a 8ucket of NO NOT LIKE _THAT_ O8VIOUSLY WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, I mean that I'm really glad my 8estie decided to reach out for a chat!  
  
I open her message, excited to have a normal happy-go-lucky convers8ion with someone who isn't trying to torture me.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]  
  
GC: H3Y VR1SK4  
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y

Huh? That's not the greeting I was hoping for. Nothing ominous though. Why would "ominous" even come to mind? Please.

AG: Ummmmmmmmm, no?  
AG: A8out what?  
GC: 4BOUT K1LL1NG H3R  
GC: 4FT3R YOU S41D YOU WOULDNT

UUUUUUUUGH. Gr8. Fantastic. Word's already getting around a8out what I just did, and now I 8et everyone's gonna make a whole fucking stink over it. Just what I needed today!  
  
What do I say? What do I say? I look at her messages again-  
  
"After I said I wouldn't?" That's rich. As if she's never said one thing and done another! Come on, Terezi, you have to know how much this twists me up.  
  
What, does she think I _enjoyed_ killing Aradia? What else was I supposed to do, just accept that a 8unch of dead kids were gonna follow me around everywhere for the rest of my life? Actions have consequences, Pyrope!  
  
God, I'm so SICK of having this same convers8ion over and over and OVER and

AG: Oh, that? I thought we were done talking a8out it!  
AG: We concluded I messed up and I'm completely horri8le in every way.  
AG: I can only feel SO AWFUL, you know. Here, I'm 8anging my head against the desk now.

I 8ang my head against the desk. Ow.

AG: 8ang 8ang 8ang. Are you happy?  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????  
GC: 1M NOT SUR3  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T  
GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH

Change her mind a8out what, constantly pestering me over shit I had no control over? That'll 8e the day!  
  
I read her words again and again and tap my fingers on the keys. What do I say to this? What is she even TALKING a8out? We were on opposing sides! Aradia did her worst to me and I did my worst 8ack! It's that simple. O8viously it's that simple! Why am I the only one who sees that?

AG: You should lighten up a 8it. May8e even congratul8 me!  
AG: Wow, great jo8 Vriska! Single handedly taking out Team Charge like that.  
AG: No more competition from those low class clowns!  
GC: N4H TH4T W4SNT 1T  
AG: Ok, well, change your mind a8out what!  
AG: What are you going to do, Pyrope!  
GC: 1 W4S PROB4BLY JUST GO1NG TO K1LL YOU

What?  
  
WHAT?!  
  
She's joking. She's gotta 8e joking. My feelings aren't hurt at all 8ecause o8viously this is a lark. Terezi wouldn't kill me. After everything we've 8een through together? Come on. Come ON.  
  
Come on.  
  
Come-  
  
Hey.  
  
W8 a second.  
  
........  
  
Is she hitting on me?  
  
Oh my god she is!  
  
How could I 8e so 8lind? DUH SERKET, WHAT ELSE WOULD THIS 8E? Yeesh, I'm such a dummy sometimes!  
  
What the heck. Terezi can never seem to make up her mind a8out whether or not she has pitch affections for me, 8ut after the day I've had? A little kismesissitudinous flirt8ion sounds fun. I decide to lean so hard into the villain shtick that I practically start cackling as I type.

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: You mean from your tree? With all your AMAAAAAAAAZING POWERS?  
AG: Tell me, what sort of powers do tree girls have? Swinging from vines and stuff?  
GC: MY TR33 DO3SNT H4V3 V1N3S >:[  
GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T OTH3R P3OPL3 SW1NG FROM ROP3S THOUGH >:]  
GC: Y34H 4NYW4Y YOULL B3 D34D 1N 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S

This is going well. This is going well. I'm not hurting, I'm not scared, I'm just having a good time roleplaying with my kismesis. This is going gr8.  
  
Dread tugs at me no no no no no no no no it's FINE, it's FINE, it's fine just keep pl8ying along and everything will 8e alright!  
  
Right?  
  
My fingers are practically dancing on the keys now, I'm tapping my leg, 8ut I'm not nervous. I'm not. I'm not. I'm NOT. It's just. 8een a long day, and. Terezi isn't going to do anything. What's the worst she could do? Sure she's dangerous 8ut it's different for us! It's a 8luff. 

AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!  
AG: Complete and total muscle8east shit!  
GC: 1F YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3  
GC: WHY DONT YOU CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3  
GC: 1T S33MS TO H4V3 4LL TH3 4NSW3RS

I glance over at the cue8all on my desk. I'm not unnerved at all.

AG: I don't need to do that to know you're 8luffing.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: BUT  
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GONN4 4NYW4Y  


no. No.   
  
I can't. I can't process-   
  
  
You know you're going to anyway.  
  
  
no no no no! NO. NO!!!!!!!!  
  
Why is she repeating his words?  
  
Why is she repeating HIS-  
  
No. It's nothing. It's a coincidence. She's just- she's playing mindg8mes with me ag8n. That's 8ll.  
  
Pull yourself together. Who cares a8out this? Who cares a8out him? He's nothing. He doesn't matter. He's one opponent among many and he's not even a good one. I've got him 8eat. I look up at the screen and see-

GC: 4DD1CT1ON 1S 4 POW3RFUL TH1NG >:]  
GC: S33 Y4  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

Oh please. "Addiction." Addiction! What does she think I am, some 8ugwinged gutter8lood dimwit out on the traversal strands looking for a quick fix?  
  
...did I really just say "gutter8lood?" Yeesh. What am I, Equius? Get a GRIP, Serket, you're not _that_ low!  
  
8esides, she wouldn't really do anything. Sure, okay, I mess up once in a while and may8e killing Aradia was extreme 8ut so what! I don't know how many more times I can say this 8efore I start to feel like I've gone crazy, 8ut if she didn't want to DIE she shouldn't have 8een the one INSTIG8ING a lethal confront8ion! It's that simple!!!!!!!!  
  
It's that simple and Terezi knows it, and I know she knows it, and she knows I know it, so there's no point to any of this. Nothing's gonna happen. It's a 8luff! It's just a 8luff. It's a 8luff and it's another salvo in her ela8or8 flirting routine and that's ALL.  
  
She wouldn't kill me over _Aradia!_  
  
  
Would she?  
  
  
No. No way. I've got nothing to 8e worried a8out.  
  
Nothing at all.  
  
nothing.  
  
........  
  
I pick up the cue8all, channel my vision 8fold through my customized lenses, and whisper to my faithful little oracle:

Vriska: Should I 8e worried a8out Terezi's threat?

As the surface of the thing dissolves, I ignore every 8ad feeling in my gut 8ecause I know it's nothing. I know it's nothing! It's all just a-

  


  


just a...  
  
yes?  
  
the cue8all says yes. yes? yes! Yes???????? 8ut-  
  
No this has to 8e some kind of like, ironic answer. It has to 8e! Just a dum8 cheeky little or8 trying to get me to-  
  
UGH! This shit m8kes me so m8d!  
  
Ok, little 8all. Fine. If you're so smart, then answer this!

Vriska: How is it going to happen! HOW????????

I'm staring so intently my face is practically pressed onto the damn thing. Why does it always take so long to answer these questions?   
  
  


  


Come on come on 

  


  


come on come on come ONNNNNNNN

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


wh-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
what?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


HOW DO 1 LOOK?  
Hold on, let me-  
Woah!  
1S 1T B4D  
1TS B4D 1SNT 1T  
YOU H4V3 TO T3LL M3 1F 1TS B4D  
What are you talking a8out, it's perfect!  
DONT L13 TO M3 TO S3RK3T, 1 KNOW 1 LOOK L1K3 Y3ST3RD4YS NUTR1T1ON M4SH  
No, you look like a cute legislacer8r ready to vivisect every 8ad guy on the 8lock!  
STOP M4K1NG FUN OF M3 4ND T3LL M3 HOW UGLY 1 4M  
Oh just shut up and check the mirror already, dummy!  
1 DONT W4NT TO  
Why not????????  
B3C4US3 1  
>:[  
1TS DUMB  
IT'S NOT DUM8! How many times am I gonna have to repeat myself 8efore you get it through your thick porous cranial pl8s that you're allowed to actually feel ways a8out stuff!  
Take a trip down to the fields of your mind palace, harvest some of that primo self-confidence, and just say what you wanna say!!!!!!!!  
UUUUUUUUUUUGH, F1N3, JUMP OFF MY BULG3 4LR34DY-  
........  
...  
::::X  
...4NYW4Y  
1 DONT W4NT TO LOOK 1N TH3 M1RROR B3C4US3 1M  
1M 4FR41D 1 WONT S33 WH4T 1 W4NT TO S33  
What do you want to see?  
YOU KNOW WH4T!!  
Yeah, 8ut I want to hear you say it.  
YOUR3 4 R34L P41N 1N MY-  
Stop stalling and just say the thing, Pyrope!  
F1N3!!  
1 W4NT TO S33...  
1 W4NT TO S33 _H3R_ 4ND 1 DONT KNOW WH4T 1LL DO 1F 1 DONT  
Pffffffff, what a load!  
>:[  
You already look like her 8ecause you ARE her! You're just searching for an excuse to 8e angsty.  
L1K3 YOU H4V3 ROOM TO T4LK  
This isn't a8out me.  
TH4TS 4 F1RST  
Hush!  
DONT HUSH M3!!  
I'll hush you as much as I want. Hush hush hush! What are you gonna do a8out it, huh? Nothing! Look, I'm TELLING you, you look gr8!  
BUT WH4T 1F-  
What if what if what if who C8RES a8out what if???????? It's just a fucking mirror and whatever's in there isn't gonna go away just 8ecause you don't want to look at it!  
...  
There, see?  
HOLY SH1T  
I told you!!!!!!!!  
OH FUCK  
TH3R3 SH3 1S!!!  
There you are!!!!!!!!  
1M-  
1M 4CTU4LLY-  
...  
VR1SK4?  
What's up?  
DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1M CUT3??  
>::::O  
YES!  
I mean, not in like a, you know-  
R1GHT-  
Cause I'm not-  
M3 31TH3R-  
8ut you are _o8jectively_ cute, okay? Not handsome, not dashing, CUTE.  
CUT3 4ND D4NG3ROUS  
Cute and dangerous!  
>:]  
>::::)  
Damn, look at us. Mindfang and Redglare, ready to take on the world.  
W3 SUR3 DO CUT 4N 1NT1M1D4T1NG S1LHOU3TT3, HUH?  
Oh, we'll cut a lot more than that soon enough!  
H3H3H3  
8ut you're right. We look like the real deal now.   
W3 _4R3_ TH3 R34L D34L!!  
ONC3 WORD G3TS OUT 4BOUT US, TH3R3 WONT B3 4 S1NGL3 TROLL L3FT 1N OUR FL4RP D1V1S1ON WHO DO3SNT F34R TH3 SW1FT JUST1C3 OF TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS  
Terezi, we're gonna kick so much 8utt and murder so many 8ad guys it's unreal.  
1 KNOW, 1TS GONN4 B3 SO COOL  
It really is.  
........  
Hey, um.  
I'm.  
>:?  
Nevermind.  
OHHHHH??  
WHOS L4T3 TO TH3 S3LF-CONF1D3NC3 H4RV3ST NOW?  
Wow, you're soooooooo clever using my own words against me like that.  
TH4NK YOU, 1 TRY  
NOW T3LL M3 WH4T YOU W3R3 GONN4 S4Y B3FOR3 1 H4V3 TO FORC3 1T OUT OF YOU  
Oh, is that a threat?  
1T M1GHT B3  
Hah! Like you'd have the guts to follow through on-  
Oh-  
Hey!  
What are you-  
Ouch!  
Stop that!  
NO  
Get off!  
M4K3 M3 >:]  
I...  
um.  
Is it getting warm in here, or-  
CONF3SS, CR1M1N4L  
CRIMINAL???????? I didn't even do anything!  
CONC34L1NG P3RT1N3NT 1NFORM4T1ON FROM H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNYS COURT 1S 4 GR13VOUS OFF3NS3, TH3 ONLY SU1T4BL3 PUN1SHM3NT FOR WH1CH 1S 3X3CUT1ON  
You say that a8out EVERY crime!  
4DD NONCOMPL14NC3 UND3R OFF1C14L 1NT3RROG4T1ON TO TH3 L1ST OF YOUR OFF3NS3S  
Jegus, you're really laying it on thick today, Pyrope.  
S1L3NC3, PR1SON3R!!  
o-  
oh, uh-  
NOW T4LK!!  
i-  
Ahem.  
What I was gonna say was, that. I'm glad we're friends.  
OH  
Oh?  
SORRY, 1 D1DNT M34N TO-  
Ow, watch where you point that thing!  
1 SHOULDNT H4V3-  
1M SORRY VR1SK4, 1 D1DNT KNOW-  
Dude, it's okay! Oof, hold on.  
There. See? No harm done.  
4R3 YOU SUR3??  
Yeesh, you really are a weird troll, you know that?  
WH...  
WH4T DO YOU M34N?  
When we're out on the seas getting ready to dunk on a 8unch of unsuspecting pillagers, you're a menace. Fucking unstoppa8le! 8ut when it's just us, you can go from meek apologies to full tilt murderfrenzy and 8ack again in the 8link of an eye! It's disorienting. It'd almost 8e enough to make me reconsider partnering up with you, except when we're out there you never even so much as flinch!  
I just don't get it.  
1 COULD S4Y TH3 S4M3 OF YOU  
Whaaaaaaaat? No way.  
Y3S W4Y! YOU M4K3 4 SHOW OF B31NG 4LL DOM1N33R1NG 4ND POW3RFUL, BUT D33P DOWN YOUR3 4CTU4LLY 4 R34LLY...  
4 R34LLY N1C3 P3RSON 4ND 4 GOOD FR13ND. WH3N YOU YOU W4NT TO B3  
Fuck you! I'm too cool to 8e nice.  
YOUR3 4 LOS3R 4ND YOU KNOW 1T  
Lies!  
4CCUS1NG H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNYS P3RSON4L L3G1SL4C3R4TOR OF P3RJURY?? TH4TS GO1NG ON TH3 L1ST  
Are you REALLY keeping a list?  
>;]  
Don't you wink at me.  
1LL W1NK 4S MUCH 4S 1 W4NT. W1NK W1NK W1NK!! WH4T 4R3 YOU GONN4 DO 4BOUT 1T, HUH?  
Stop, stoooooooop, I'm ticklish!  
1 KNOW. 1 P4Y 4TT3NT1ON TO TH3S3 TH1NGS, S3RK3T, TH4TS WH4T M4K3S M3 SO GOOD 4T MY JOB!  
Pffffffff hahaha-  
H3H3H  
Hahaahaha!  
H4H4H4H4H4H4!!  
Ha.  
DW33B  
Nerd.  
>:]  
::::)  
1 DO M34N 1T THOUGH  
Hm?  
1 DONT TRUST 34SY, VR1SK4, BUT...  
1 TRUST YOU  
Huh.  
WH4T?  
I... I trust you too, actually. Weird.  
Y34H 1TS 4LMOST L1K3 WERE FR13NDS OR SOM3TH1NG  
Hah! Almost like.  
>:P  
You know what, Terezi?  
WH4T?  
I've got a good feeling a8out us.  
M3 TOO  
Not to count our cluck8easts 8efore they've hatched, 8ut...  
8etween your smarts and my luck?  
I think we could REALLY fuck some things up together.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


8oom.  
  
It happens fast, 8ut the pain takes forever.  
  
I feel shards of it tear through my cheek, my ear, my scalp, I think I even feel a piece of it in my mouth as a scream 8lurts out of me and I tum8le 8ackwards out of my chair.  
  
Searing hot fire boils the skin of my chest as the force of it shatters every bone in my arm, pushes it away from me, tears it out of its socket like a cork from a 8ottle. I can't open my eyes. I can't think. All I can do is scream, as much out of anger as pain. It's all I can do to conjure that anger, 8ecause I can't 8e weak. I can't. I CANNOT 8E WEAK.  
  
My 8lood is everywhere, now there is only the thro88ing hum of my own heart8eat 8eneath the ringing in my head. When I 8reathe, my chest convulses. How much of me is injured? I can 8arely see. I can 8arely see anything. It's so loud. It's so quiet. I can't see a fucking thing, I-  
  
Is this it? Was she right? Am I a8out to die?  
  
  
  
I think a8out her.  
  
Her smile when I told her a8out me. How excited she was that she wasn't alone. When I showed her that she could 8e who she wanted. Putting our Flarp outfits together. Filling in our character sheets. I think a8out every time we said that no matter what else happened we would ALWAYS 8e there for each other, 8ecause WE were the only ones who understood how it felt to 8e US.  
  
She lied.  
  
She's a liar 8ecause she did this.  
  
She did this.  
  
She did this to me.  
  
SHE DID TH8S TO M8!!!!!!!!  
  
It hurts. Oh fuck, it hurts. it hurts so much. it's worse than- than anything. i don't care a8out my arm or my vision 8fold or all the 8lood that's pouring out of me i just  
  
i only care about her.  
  
I only care a8out her.  
  
and she went to **him** to kill me.  
  
SHE WENT TO **HIM** TO KILL ME. SHE COULDN'T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN SHE  
  
No. I refuse to cry. I am not WEAK. I AM NOT HURT.  
  
I'M 8NGRY. I'M 8NGRY AND I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING A8OUT IT.  
  
So I put a finger to my head and concentr8, close my eye, push through the pain, feel myself extend 8eyond the 8oundaries of my self. There is no plan, I already know exactly what I'm going to do, I don't need a plan 8ecause there's only one thing to do, it's instinct at this point, I can just FEEL the exact path I can take to 8urn her, to flay her, to string her up 8y her own fucking delusions and show her that she can't 8EAT ME, SHE CAN'T, SHE CAN'T, SHE C8N'T, SHE  
  
8ut she isn't there.  
  
she isn't anywhere.  
  
Rage 8uilds up in my chest, how, HOW, you can't take this, she can't take this from me, SHE DOESN'T GET TO TAKE THIS FROM ME TOO!!!!!!!!  
  
Then I open my eyes and I see her. She's lying on the 8ed, asleep. Of course she is. She looks so calm, so peaceful, so utterly un8othered, and the thought of her resting easy while I 8leed to death like this is FUCKING INFURI8ING so I  
  
I slide on top of her  
  
feel her 8reathing 8eneath me, softly  
  
she looks older than I remem8er  
  
I'm gritting my teeth  
  
heart is racing so fast as I  
  
put 8oth hands  
  
over her throat  
  
feel her heart 8EATING under the skin of my left hand, while the cold steel of my right slowly presses down, digs into her  
  
she opens her eyes, and they're  
  
red  
  
she's 8lind  
  
I scream at her  
  
I SCREAM WITHOUT WORDS  
  
8ECAUSE WE HAVE  
  
we have nothing to say  
  
i have fucking nothing to say to her.  
  
i'm going to KILL HER and i'm going to DIE on top of her  
  
and i'm  
  
she's  
  
i

Terezi: JUN3??

her voice is 8arely audi8le, 8ut i can just make out... what? who the FUCK is  
  
it's a distraction, have to make this quick 8efore she  
  
her eyes widen as her 8ody struggles to pull 8reath. she mouths something, with just enough air that i can hear it. 

Terezi: VR1SK4?? >:x

vriska.   
  
Vriska?  
  
I 8link a few times as I realize what I'm seeing, realize what I'm DOING OH SHIT!!  
  
My hands fly away from her neck, and as she gasps for air Terezi pushes me off hard enough that I land flat on my 8ack on the floor. It knocks the wind out of me for a few seconds, 8ut I'm still so confused. What was I, why was I-  
  
I scram8le up to my feet and look at her, she's coughing so hard, sat up against the wall, I see where my prosthetic arm had her neck there's a dark and sickly 8ruise and even a trickle of 8lood, and when I look down at my right hand I see my shiny fingertips are dulled with her blood no no NO what the fuck!

June: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't know what I was doing I swear I wasn't trying to-  
June: are you okay Terezi????????  
June: please tell me you're okay I really don't know what's going on-  
Terezi: SHUT UP  
June: <:x

oh no oh no oh no oh no  
  
1 S41D SHUT UP!! >:[  
  
<:x

Terezi: WH4T TH3 FUCK W4S TH4T  
June: I don't know!  
Terezi: WHY W3R3 YOU TRY1NG TO K1LL M3  
June: I don't know!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: WHY D1D YOU  
Terezi: WHY D1D YOU SM3LL L1K3 VR1SK4  
June: I!  
June: what?

Vriska? why would I...  
  
wait. I think I remem8er- UGH it's so messy, I can't keep it str8!  
  
what was it? It was

June: it was a dream, 8ut it felt _so_ real. I was Vriska sitting at her computer when a...  
June: a cue 8all? exploded????????  
June: I don't know what that's

Terezi gasps and puts her hands to her mouth. I sit on the 8ed and start to reach out for her 8ut then I see the blood  
  
on my hands?  
  
and I  
  
I can't 8elieve I did this

June: I'm so sorry Terezi, I don't know what's happening!  
Terezi: 1 KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T'S H4PP3N1NG  
June: ...you do?  
Terezi: FUCK!!  
June: what????????

she ru8s her neck and coughs some more what do I do do I try to comfort her or-  
  
I see she's crying a 8it. Just a little, so little I don't know if she notices. But I do. I see a trickle of tears run down her cheek, over her jaw, mixing with the 8lood on her neck  
  
is she afraid of me now??? oh no no no I couldn't take it if she's afraid of me now-  
  
Terezi's hand lands on my face.

Terezi: YOU 4R3 TH3 L34ST SC4RY TH1NG 1N TH3 H1STORY OF P4R4DOX SP4C3  
Terezi: NOW SHOOSH  
June: o  
Terezi: 1 S41D SHOOSH

she presses her hands to my head and does the mind-y thing  
  
and I  
  
I feel  
  
PAIN  
  
AS EQUIUS 8OR3S A HOLE INTO MY NERVOUS SYSTEM TO ATTACH A NEW ARM, I'M 8ARELY ALIVE AND ALL I CAN SEE IS HER FACE, LAUGHING AT ME, CELEBR8ING ANOTHER JUST-  
  
Terezi lets go of me and I tum8le backwards off the bed. ow. twice in a night.

June: that was... I was at Equius's respite8lock!  
June: I mean, I was at his house. and he was- 

I gra8 my left shoulder with my right hand, expecting to feel a 8loody lump-  
  
except my left arm is fine. my right arm is the one that was shattered and replaced with a prosthetic.  
  
I look at 8oth my hands and it's like  
  
I'm  
  
on the wrong side of the mirror  
  
it's clearing up, I think- I'm starting to see it. Memories. It was a memory. Hers...  
  
or  
  
mine?

June: why did you do it?  
Terezi: DO WH4T  
June: doc scratch! why did you-  
Terezi: 1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T  
June: why would you do that to me????????  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: 1 D1DN'T DO 1T TO YOU, 1 D1D 1T TO VR1SK4!!

I stare at her.  
  
Watch her.  
  
she's right isn't she? she's  
  
I'm  
  
disappointed  
  
Feel this  
  
anger  
  
8oil up in me  
  
this memory, it  
  
it feels like mine  
  
it hurts too much to 8e anyone else's

June: what's the difference?

her face does something I can't descri8e  
  
she doesn't even notice until it's too late  
  
like an expression between outrage and...  
  
disgust.  
  
at me.

June: you've 8een inside my head, you _know_ I'm not lying.  
Terezi: 1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T  
June: I may not literally 8E Vriska, 8ut-  
Terezi: 1 S41D 1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T!!  
June: well, I do!  
Terezi: 1 DON'T C4R3 WH4T YOU W4NT, JUN3! WH4T H4PP3N3D B3TW33N M3 4ND H3R 1S 1N TH3 P4ST 4ND 1T 1SN'T 4NY OF YOUR FUCK1NG BUS1N3SS!!!!

oh.  
  
oh.  
  
sorry, I'm sorry  
  
I'm sorry-  
  
aren't I?  
  
I'm  
  
it starts in the center of my chest  
  
a little fire that  
  
consumes me  
  
all my 8lood is hot 8eneath my skin, and  
  
I stand up, my teeth clenched-  
  
it's so fucking clear to me, suddenly, I could almost laugh. I'm not a frightened animal to 8e pushed around and corralled. The instinct I feel telling me to apologize, to 8ack down, I swallow it like a 8itter pill and drown the fucking thing in this inferno of anger as I gra8 the collar of Terezi's shirt with an iron grip and yank her off the 8ed onto her feet and SCRE8M WITH EVERY MOLECULE OF OXYGEN IN MY LUNGS-

IT'S _OUR_ 8USINESS, REDGLARE!

then it's gone  
  
and  
  
I see myself. holding her up like I'm about to...  
  
do something.  
  
and Terezi, arms dangling at her side  
  
not even trying to defend herself.  
  
then the bedroom door swings open. I don't let go of her in time for Rose and Kanaya to avoid seeing me like this.  
  
like what?  
  
You know what.  
  
do i?  
  
They're already one step away from seeing us as a villain, this is only going to make things worse.  
  
no, we fixed that, remember? we're all friends again, everything's peachy keen...  
  
Do you really think they forgot what we did?  
  
no!  
  
Did you forget what THEY did to US?  
  
no, but  
  
8ut nothing!!!!!!!! It's just a matter of time 8efore she decides we're a threat again and then  
  
stop. stop. please. she's listening-  
  
L1ST3N1NG TO WH4T??  
  
to...  
  
you couldn't hear...?  
  
WOW, 1'M FUCK1NG DON3 W1TH TH1S TOD4Y

Rose: Is... everything alright?  
Terezi: W3'R3 F1N3  
Terezi: W3 W3R3 ROL3PL4Y1NG 4ND JUNE JUST GOT 4 L1TTL3 TOO 1MM3RS3D 1N TH3 F4NT4SY  
June: what?

does she mean that like-  
  
is that supposed to 8e a cover story or was she...  
  
was she insulting me?  
  
PUT 1T TOG3TH3R YOURS3LF, G3N1US  
  
Terezi shoves me and marches past Rose and Kanaya out of the room and w8 no don't-!  
  
the front door slams shut.  
  
my heart hurts. I look at my arm, still mostly outstretched and I  
  
I don't...

Kanaya: I Have A Faint Suspicion That Terezi Has Been Practicing Her Human Sarcasm

The strange phenomenon called June Egbert looks around her room as though it contains the story of her life. At best, it can only be said to contain half. When she cries and crumbles to the floor, the human called Rose Lalonde hurries to June's side. It is late, but no one present will get any more sleep tonight.  
  
The grave syncratic implications of the slow motion impact that is June Egbert will, of course, be explored at length soon enough. But first, we must briefly turn our attention elsewhere.  
  
Fear not of getting lost. We have already seen how Earth C salivates over our attention, how it lusts for our gaze even when we are quintillions of lightyears away. No matter how far we travel, we will never escape its gravitational pull.  
  
We leave the universe again, but our destination now is much farther away and far more difficult to spot. This does not impede our progress. We will see what we must. We always do.  
  
We see a ship that has no name hurtling through paradox space at top speed. Even still, it should be so many years away from arriving at its destination that the act of counting them alone would take an average human lifetime. But the void bows to no law and meets no expectation. It will do as it pleases, physics be damned.  
  
We see the ship's three occupants feasting on preserved proteins for the superfluously contextual meal they call breakfast. Two of them are having a normal conversation, but the third sits alone. She can scarcely remember to eat as she stares out of a thick port window into the all-encompassing nothing. Her sleep has been erratic, her mood in turns furious and meek. One of her ten fingers worries the well-worn handle of the cane propped up beside her.  
  
The face of the human called Dana Straten is a portrait of conflict as she thinks to herself:  
  
Why is it so loud in here?  
  
Every morning it's like this. Crawl out of the space hammock, pour out some space gruel, and just sit here for an hour contemplating all the shit I don't want to contemplate. Doesn't matter what I want, though, does it! No, my fantastic and healthy brain does whatever the fuck it wants, and these days it just wants to **SCREAM.**  
  
We're getting closer. I don't know how I can feel it, but I can. It's dreadful and exhilarating all at once, knowing that I'm finally going to get some answers. Some way or another.  
  
Orrrrr maybe I'll fuck up and die immediately, and then I'll never know if she's...  
  
I don't want to do this.  
  
But I have to do this.  
  
And I'm already doing this, so what's the use in whinging? Besides, it's the right thing to do, and it's the only thing left to do! So why is it that every time I steel myself and make up my mind, all I can think is-  
  
_Are you sure? Are you **really** sure?_  
  
And,  
  
I don't know.  
  
I guess I can't know until the time comes.  
  
God, I wish it were quieter in my head.  
  
This is the doubt she has felt every day since her vessel left the meteor that was once her home, though that is a deeply contentious word in this case. Can any residence found after banishment truly be called a home?  
  
But now we're getting ahead of ourselves. Dana Straten's story approaches just as fast and just as surely as her ship, but it is still some time away yet.  
  
  
Three days, as a matter of fact.  
  
  
  
  
And that is all we needed to see.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
For the moment, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doc scratch dialog taken from homestuck page 2244
> 
> vrisrezi dialog taken from homestuck page 2258


	2. thursday 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of acute anxiety, gender dysphoria, and PTSD symptoms.

**THURSDAY, 4/11**

  
  
  
  


my head hurts, 8ut at least they've finally shut up. or maybe they stopped a long time ago and I just... didn't notice?  
  
no color. no light. feels like I'm underwater, swimming in a sea of indistinct thoughts. words and phrases all around me, spoken by countless voices. some are old, like echoes in a cave. some are new, like a crowd of people all talking at once. and others just feel... what's the word. parallel? like they're happening in the room next door, muffled 8y a few inches of drywall.  
  
it's funny that I'm narrating this to myself, but it's the only way I can make sense of the noise. the only way I can make out shapes in all this murky water.  
  
fuck, does this sound like me? _are_ these my thoughts? it doesn't feel like a Sburb thing, it doesn't feel like a Dirk thing, it doesn't feel like a... pretransition me thing.  
  
maybe this is me, and I just. don't know. who I am.  
  
why is this happening now? I was fine. everything was fine. why do I feel like nothing will ever 8e fine aga-  
  
when I 8link, I remember that the world exists.  
  
it's morning now, I can tell from the faint glow giving shape to a room that lacked definition moments ago. a packed bookshelf. a carpet giving way to linoleum and an open kitchen. a wood ta8le and a small window glowing dark cerulean, carved into stark angles by the naked lim8s of a tree just waking up from its winter nap.  
  
was I asleep?  
  
I don't feel rested. if anything I'm even more tired than I was 8efore.   
  
not asleep, 8ut not awake either. staring out into the dark and watching for flashes of lightning in the void, for exploding universes to greet me again.  
  
I haven't been 8ack to the void in a long time. why did I expect to end up there?  
  
punishment.  
  
for what?  
  
for what happened last night.  
  
what happened last night?  
  
what I remem8er is-  
  
I SCRE8MED AT TEREZI, then she left and i started crying. rose and kanaya helped me out into the living room. i tried to explain what happened, but mostly i just cried.  
  
i don't remember when the lights went out, or when rose waved kanaya to bed. eventually i must have stopped crying and became numb. I still feel num8. numb and raw. I can tell from the weight of my eyes just how much crying I did.  
  
where am I? oh, I'm on the couch. and I'm laying on Rose's lap. she's asleep, her head lolled to the side, mouth open.  
  
one of her hands is on my 8ack.  
  
it's odd how different she feels from Terezi. sweeter smell, softer skin, a more delic8 touch. there's always 8een this _thing_ between us that I couldn't describe, but it still shocks me sometimes that we're just like this now.  
  
I don't know why they did, but I'm glad Rose and Kanaya decided to stay.  
  
my stomach is churning. hazy dream-like memories keep flashing in my mind.  
  
I reach down next to me and feel my phone on the floor. pick it up, unlock it. no new messages.  
  
I go through my contacts list, hoping to find someone to talk to. someone I _want_ to talk to.  
  
Jake? defin8ly asleep. Jane? likely in the middle of her second coffee and making calls a8out... oh, my birthday party! I guess that's still a thing. that or glo8al finance. don't want to interrupt her either way.  
  
Roxy? Calliope? the last time I tried to talk to them it was... weird. especially Callie. she's 8een off ever since she got that diary.  
  
Dave? you know what, it's 8een weird with him too! things have 8een a bit weird with everyone, now that I think about it. it's like we all had a moment where we were really close friends again, and then everything went just a little 8it sour.  
  
I don't know how, 8ut I'm certain this is my fault.  
  
Jade?  
  
...  
  
no.  
  
finally, I stop at Terezi.  
  
I can tell her anything. I've told her everything. 8ut now I look at her name and I'm terrified. I don't want to think about how many messages I've proba8ly already sent 8egging her to forgive me, apologizing, explaining what happened.   
  
what if she hates me now?  
  
what if she's afraid of me now?  
  
if she does, I deserve it. I didn't mean to hurt her 8ut I did-  
  
8ut I DID mean to hurt her-  
  
no, no, stop! just stop. I don't understand. why am I so angry a8out this memory?  
  
this memory that... _feels_ like mine. and is. 8ut isn't. I lived it, 8ut this 8ody didn't. does that even matter?  
  
I feel a painful churn in my gut like a piano wire is wrapped around my insides, slowly pulling taut 8y an invisible hand.  
  
something's coming.  
  
Something is happening.  
  
I can feel it, I-  
  
Rose makes a sound, and I look up to see her crying softly in her sleep. I've seen her have all sorts of dreams and nightmares, 8ut the expression on her face is different. I haven't seen this look since...  
  
since she found her mom and my dad murdered on the roof of a castle, almost ten years ago.  
  
she showed them to me, and i was furious and sad. mostly sad. jack stood there not smiling. not laughing. he just watched us. and when i readied my hammer to kick his sorry ass, he stabbed me through the chest.  
  
and that was only the second time i died.  
  
tears are stinging the corners of my eyes, as the scent of 8lood and 8lack oil mingling fades from my mind.  
  
I can't do this again. can't get lost in those memories. I sit up and nudge Rose's shoulders.

June: Rose, wake up.

her eyes snap open, and when she looks at me she seems...  
  
heartbroken.  
  
when I 8rush a tear from her cheek with the back of my hand, she smiles.

Rose: Good morning to you, too.  
June: are you alright?  
Rose: I could ask you the same thing.

she wipes off the single tear on my cheek that got away.

June: I asked you first.  
Rose: I'm fine. Just a nightmare.  
June: what was it?  
Rose: Really?  
Rose: Come on, June, you know there's nothing more boring than someone trying to explain what happened in a dream.  
June: that's never stopped you 8efore.  
Rose: Hah. I suppose that's true.  
Rose: Honestly, I'm not all that sure how I'd describe it even if I wanted to. It was...

she looks up at the ceiling, dancing her head back and forth to make a show of her consider8ion.

Rose: Dramatic.  
June: ahhhhhhhh, dreaming in anime are we?  
Rose: Oh please. I would never stoop so low, consciously or otherwise. If anything I was dreaming in Brechtian theatre.  
June: uh,  
June: hahaha!  
Rose: You don't know who Brecht is, do you?  
June: ...no.  
Rose: So why did you laugh?  
June: I... didn't want to 8e rude?  
Rose: Ah, I see.  
Rose: The classic introvert's gamble.  
Rose: "Do I tell my moirail I don't get the reference and risk derision for my lack of culture, or do I play it cool and hope against hope that she doesn't catch me out in the followthrough?"  
Rose: Seems you lost the die roll this time.

Well well well, looks like we won't have to fight over the spoils after all!  
howw do you figure that  
Come on, Dualscar! Two chests, two victors.  
Sorry, "vvictors".  
There, see? I'm nothing if not diplomatic.  
and wwhos to say i dont wwant wwhats in both chests   
Oh, I'm sure you do! Hell, so do I.  
8ut we had an agreement.  
Suspend our vicious rivalry long enough to take this galleon of ghouls.  
Get each other's 8acks when the going gets rough.  
Split the loot evenly when it's over.  
i think its cute that you givve a shit about the sanctity a vverbal agreements  
And I think it's just adora8le that you're so far up your own spinal crevice you actually 8elieve you could take me in a fight.  
is that supposed to scare me mindfang  
Only if you find o8jective truth scary.  
big talk for someone wwhos lost so much blood it raised the planets wwater levvel  
Says the 8oy who took three rapiers to the chest.  
One of which is still there, 8y the way!  
You might want to take care of that.  
huh  
wwoww i didnt evven notice that one  
this looks pretty cool actually i think ill leavve it  
My point still stands, unlike you.  
Unfortun8ly for us 8oth, I _do_ care a8out the sanctity of ver8al agreements.  
So instead of 8ickering over who would win in a fight-  
me  
-why don't we just stick to the plan and split our loot straight down the middle?  
It's only fair.  
fine if youre gonna be a bitch about it  
im takin the blue one though  
What????????  
you heard me  
8ut the purple one is RIGHT THERE!  
so  
SO you get the purple one and I get the 8lue one!  
nah thats too obvvious  
knowwin you the only reason you wwere so riled for this raid in the first place is you got hold a some secret intel i missed  
I don't need 8 eyes to see that these chests are color coded, Ampora, and I'm not a8out to get whatever stupid crap one of your fishy predecessors left here.  
counterpoint  
i wwant the blue one  
Fuck you, I want the 8lue one!  
fine take the blue one  
i dont evven care that much i was just enjoyin the moment  
you know sometimes you take all the fun out a this game  
Awwwwwwww, cheer up grumpy gills!  
We can always fight over it next time.  
yeah wwhatever  
...  
WWOAH  
::::O  
Is that Ahab's-  
LOOK AT THIS BIG FUCKIN GUN  
im not evven mad anymore this is tight  
wwhats in your chest vvris  
Let's see...  
Oh.  
wwhat is that  
is that some dice  
I...  
I can't 8elieve it.  
looks like you shoulda taken the purple chest after all  
Are you kidding?  
This is the fluorite octet!!!!!!!!  
the wwhat  
Gam8lignants the world over terrorized the high seas with weapons like this!   
I'm losing my fucking mind!  
lame  
No, not lame, AWESOME.  
uhuh  
lucky for you i guess  
You're telling me!

Rose: Yes, I _am_ telling you.

I shake my head.

June: sorry, I'm really groggy, uh-  
June: did I say something just now?  
Rose: ...I said "It seems you lost the die roll this time," and you mumbled for a second before replying, "You're telling me."  
June: oh.  
June: right, yeah, that makes sense.

Rose tilts her head curiously.

Rose: Does it?

I don't know how to respond.  
  
what I want is to tell her that I just had a flash of memory so vivid it didn't feel like a memory, it felt like it was just. happening?  
  
8ut  
  
I haven't forgotten  
  
what happened the last time I seemed unsta8le to Rose specifically.  
  
haven't forgotten what she looked like with her wands out, staring down her nose at me, all our friends 8y her side. ready to overpower me. to kill me if necessary.

Rose: I suppose that answers my question.  
June: huh?  
Rose: You're not alright at all. You look like you've seen a ghost.  
June: well,  
June: didn't I?  
June: I saw a ghost so hard I almost...  
June: I  
June: I could have killed her, Rose.  
Rose: So it's still happening, then.

damn it.

June: ...yeah.  
June: when you mentioned the roll of the dice, I remem8ered finding the fluorite octet with Dualscar at the end of a particularly challenging flarp campaign.

Rose watches me in silence. why isn't she saying anything? did I say something weird????????

June: oh! sorry, Dualscar is Eridan.  
Rose: ...  
June: uh.  
June: what's wrong?  
Rose: I'm sure that nothing is wrong by someone's definition.  
June: um?  
Rose: I think you're telling the truth.  
June: was that... in question?  
Rose: It's not that I didn't believe you before, but-  
June: what, did you think I was LYING?  
June: did you think I fucking m8de up reliving MY memories as some kind of lameass cover story for trying to STRANGLE my GIRLFRIEND?  
Rose: June-  
June: don't "June" me, Rose!

I hear a door open 8ehind me  
  
oh, I'm  
  
not sitting down anymore?  
  
I'm floating, my heart's racing, I can see Rose's hair rustle in the 8reeze coming off my 8ody  
  
turn around and see Kanaya standing there, and she looks  
  
her fists are clenched, she's defensive, ready to fight.  
  
I look 8ack at Rose and I see it in her eyes again.  
  
I see her asking herself  
  
if she can trust me. fuck  
  
I collapse out of the air down to my knees, nearly slam my head on the corner of the couch.

June: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-  
Kanaya: Are You Okay Rose  
Rose: Yes, I'm fine.  
June: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you, I-  
Rose: No, you shouldn't have.

I hear her shirt rustle and I think, okay, this is it, I crossed the line for the last time, everything was FINE and then I fucked it up, now she's gonna kill me 8ecause I'm a lia8ility 8nd then she's gonn8 c8ll Terezi 8nd tell her th8t everything is pe8chy keen now 8ecause the PRO8LEM IS T8KEN C8RE OF  
  
flinch when her hand touches my shoulder

Rose: Come back, June.  
Rose: Just breathe.

I look up at her expecting to see more anger, or  
  
8ut she's  
  
calm

June: why aren't you-  
Rose: Mad? Oh, I am. Normally I prefer to have my shouting matches _after_ breakfast.  
Rose: But I've spent enough time with you to know that sometimes you panic and lash out.  
Rose: It's not acceptable behavior, but I know that it's a symptom.  
June: I don't understand  
Rose: June.  
Rose: You're traumatized.  
Rose: I know my pathologizing makes you uncomfortable, but this is classic PTSD behavior.  
June: oh  
June: is that what this is?  
Rose: Which part?

I shrug.

June: all of it?  
Rose: I don't know, June. But we're not going to figure it out while you're sitting on the floor.

oh. right.  
  
I push myself up, 8ack onto the couch. Rose's hand migr8s to my arm. her touch makes me want to cry  
  
wait, no, I'm already crying. it's me, of course I'm crying

June: I'm sorry-  
Kanaya: Does Anyone Want Caffeinated Bean Water  
Rose: Yes please.  
June: oh god, yes.  
Kanaya: Cool  
Kanaya: Please Dont Murder My Wife While Im In The Kitchen  
June: I'll... try?  
Kanaya: Try Very Hard Egbert  
Kanaya: Im Grading You On A Curve

she leaves the room, and I shake my head.

June: what the fuck does that mean?  
Rose: It means she's worried about you and hopes you won't do something you'll regret.  
Rose: Now, what I was _trying_ to say is that you're a terrible liar.  
June: is that really what you were trying to say?  
Rose: In the sense that you referring to an alien memory in an uncharacteristically nonchalant first person with such unflinching cultural specificity speaks to the objective truth of your subjective experience? Yes, that is precisely what I was trying to say.  
June: oh.  
Rose: The intensity of these flashbacks is obviously a problem, but at the very least you've established the verisimilitude of your Vriskafication.  
June: please don't call it that  
Rose: Would you rather I call it a psychotic break?  
June: oh come on, it's not...  
June: hmm.  
Rose: That's what I thought.  
Rose: With that out of the way, now we have to ask the _really_ tough questions. Do you think you can handle that?  
June: I guess? I mean the sun isn't even up yet, 8ut sure! fuck it.  
Rose: Your enthusiastic indifference doesn't inspire a lot of confidence, but we don't exactly have time to reschedule.  
June: ...don't we?  
Rose: Are you a danger to yourself or others?

I feel another shock of anger surge up through my shoulders, into my hands, crackling 8ehind my eyes. I don't like 8eing ignored, and I defin8ly don't like the implic8ion that I'm-  
  
A DANGER? I'll show you a fucking-

Its Ok To Be Dangerous  
Lots Of People Are  
And Dangerous People Can Be Really Important  
Maybe Even The Most Important Sometimes  
But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them

Rose is looking at me. her gaze is too much, it's like she can see everything going through my head 8etter than I can.  
  
what is it with me and Seers?  
  
I look away, down at the carpet.

June: I...

Kanaya walks in, three steaming mugs in hand. she gives the one with a rose on it to Rose, the smiling poop emoji one to me, and keeps the third that just says, in 8right green comic sans, "MILF." she takes a long sip from it as she settles into our little recliner caddy-corner to the couch.

June: wow, that was fast.  
Kanaya: Immediate Bean Juice Powder Packets Baby  
Kanaya: Anyway You Were Saying Something About Your Relentless Bloodlust  
June: hey now-  
Kanaya: As Someone Who Infrequently Dabbles In The Consumption Of Blood For Purely Recreational Purposes  
Kanaya: Trust Me  
Kanaya: I Can Relate  
June: ...fair enough.  
Rose: So. Are you?  
June: a danger to myself or others?  
Rose: Yes.

I curl up into the corner of the couch, hugging my knees to my chest as I sip some of this decidedly okay coffee.  
  
The fact that I'm dangerous is one of the first things I accepted a8out the new me. I'm dangerous, and I want to 8e dangerous. that's what I thought 8ack then, right? before everything with Dirk.  
  
it's 8een months, though, and the danger hasn't shown itself since. it's like the showdown emptied me, somehow. all that rage disappeared. there have 8een flashes, but nothing quite as hot as, say, punching a building over.  
  
I thought that anger was the aftershock of a collision that was over, that I was just unsta8le and irrational and really fucking _tired_ and I finally chilled out once I got some decent sleep. yet here I am again, getting angry at the drop of a pin.  
  
here I am, threatening to hurt the people I love and endangering the reality I fought so hard to maintain.  
  
why isn't this over? why can't this 8e over? why is this happening again????????  
  
I feel the sharp points of my metal fingers digging into the skin of my left arm. the prosthetic has no feed8ack, no sens8ion of its own to tell me that it's MY arm that's hurting me, and not someone else reaching out through the void to punish me for

June: ugh  
June: yeah. I'm dangerous.  
Rose: Okay, good.  
June: good????????  
Rose: June, the fact that you're dangerous is so self-evident it may as well be your surname.  
Rose: The only thing worse would be ignorance of said danger, which you thankfully lack.  
June: I guess that makes sense...  
Rose: Now the next question. What the fuck do we do about it?  
June:  
Rose:  
Kanaya:  
June:  
Rose:  
June:  
June: ...  
Rose:  
Kanaya:  
June: ...do you expect me to have an answer?  
Rose: I hoped you might at least have a suggestion.  
June: isn't that YOUR jo8?  
June: I mean, come on, what a8out me makes you think I have any idea what's going on inside my own head?

I gesture at my stained t-shirt and inside-out sweat pants. Rose looks me over, one side of her lips curling into a frown.

Rose: Hmmm. Fair point.  
June: thank you.  
Kanaya: Now That You Mention It You Really Are A Mess  
June: oh will you can it?

Kanaya's face softens, she's looking at me kinda... sad? oh god what the fuck did I do NOW????????

June: did I say something wrong?  
Kanaya: Can It  
June: <:X  
Kanaya: Not You  
Kanaya: I mean You Said Can It  
Kanaya: Thats What Vriska Used To Say When She Wanted You To Shut Up  
June: oh.  
June: is that... 8ad?  
Kanaya: Its Surprising To Hear Is All  
Kanaya: You Exist In A Very Disarming Uncanny Valley Of Vriskaesque Behaviors  
Rose: Die Unheimliche Vriska, even?  
June: gazoontite.   
Kanaya: You Definitely Arent As Funny As Her  
June: what!  
Kanaya: Anyway Rose I Believe You Were In The Middle Of Doing Something Actually Productive With Our Time  
Rose: Right.  
Rose: If you don't have any suggestions, can you at least elaborate on what you're feeling?   
June: um.  
June: well I had this thought, 8efore I woke you up.  
June: there's me, right? 8ut there are two other pieces of me, too, and they're...  
June: how do I explain this?  
June: it's like a math problem. a plus b equals c. _him_ plus Ultimate Gender Ghost Vriska equals June. o8vious, right?  
Kanaya: Its So Obvious Im Not Even Sure Why You Bothered Saying It  
June: you know, you're awfully sarcastic for someone who claims to not understand sarcasm.  
Kanaya: Im Sure I Dont Know What You Mean And Frankly I Resent The Accusation  
June: uhuh.  
June: anyway, the weird thing a8out it is that even though I'm, you know, the result of this math problem... the addition is still happening?  
June: not even that, exactly.  
June: it's not like the Vriska and, uh, "J" 8its are getting dissolved and mixed together to make me.  
June: they're just... there.  
Rose: Hmmmm.  
Rose: That makes sense, actually.  
June: does it????????  
Rose: If they _were_ properly synthesized, I don't think Dirk could have used his Heart powers on you the way he did.

she says it nonchalantly to avoid triggering me I guess, 8ut as soon as his name leaves her mouth I remem8er, and I see she remembers too, I see her eyes dart over to Kanaya. reminding herself she's still there.  
  
just as the panic rises in the back of my throat, a thought hits me like a thrown stone that seems like a perfect diversion.

June: not to change the su8ject, but can I ask you something, Kanaya?  
Kanaya: Um  
Kanaya: Sure  
June: have things changed for you since you went godtier?  
Kanaya: They Certainly Havent Not Changed  
Kanaya: Why Do You Ask  
June: I'm just curious. TZ's 8een fine enough but she was always close to her aspect, and Karkat's, you know...  
Kanaya: Karkat Is Karkat  
June: right exactly.  
June: 8ut you've never really said one way or the other.  
Kanaya: It Hasnt Come Up  
June: which is wild considering how long we've 8een living together, don't you think?  
Kanaya: And Just How Often Do You Verbally Reflect On The Pyschological Impact Of Our On Again Off Again Relationship With Mortality  
June: uh. all the time?  
Kanaya: Oh Right Sorry I Forgot Who I Was Talking To For A Moment  
Rose: Pleasant as this little repartee is to watch, I think we should-  
Kanaya: To Actually Answer Your Question June  
Kanaya: Whats Changed Is That The World Feels Different Now  
June: how so?

she balances her mug 8etween her knees and tilts her head back. I can't tell if she isn't sure how to continue, or if she's just playing it up for drama. watching her, it strikes me that she's not wearing makeup.  
  
Kanaya did my makeup once. I asked her for help and she very patiently did me up, explained each step of the process. every word of it went in one ear and out the other.  
  
I was so excited, giddy even. then it was done and she held a mirror to my face, and it was euphoria. there she was. there _I_ was! that's a girl, I said, and she said Yes, and I said, I'm a girl, and she said Yes again. she smiled when I smiled. she laughed when I teared up.  
  
that whole day was. it was incredi8le. all four of us _girls_ went out for the day, did some shopping, ate dinner at a nice faux-Italian place run 8y consorts. food wasn't gr8 but I didn't care. I got sloppy drunk on sangria and made out with my girlfriend as a girl 8ecause I wanted to, and I could, so I fucking did.  
  
then we got home, and I went into the bathroom to take my makeup off with the little wipes Kanaya showed me. and as I did I just. I started crying again. 8ut not in a happy way. 8ecause it was like peeling off the skin I'd always wanted to reveal all the things I'd momentarily forgotten that kept me from 8eing her. facial hair. chin. nose. everything. everything.  
  
haven't worn makeup since then, really.  
  
Rose said my reaction to that 8efore/after contrast should tell me something about the socially constructed nature of 8eauty or something, which I guess is true? but it doesn't change how I feel. may8e it should, I don't know. does that make me a bad person?  
  
as if I'm spoiling for choice in that department.  
  
when I glance at Rose, I see she's grinning at me. why-

Kanaya: Space  
June: ...huh?  
Kanaya: What Does The Word Space Make You Think Of  
June: I don't know. stars and asteroids, I guess?  
Kanaya: That Is Probably What Most People Would Say  
Kanaya: Including Myself Until Recently  
Kanaya: Ive Always Had A Complicated Relationship With The Stuff But It Wasnt Until I Died And Then Came Back That I Really Started To Understand

she picks up her coffee and holds it out on her palm, taking care that "MILF" is facing us.

Kanaya: How Do You Know That This Is A Bean Juice Receptacle  
June: well. uh. it's shaped like one?  
Kanaya: Correct  
Kanaya: But How Can You Discern Its Shape  
June: wwwwwwwwith my eyes?  
Kanaya: Dont Be A Smartass Egbert  
Rose: She's talking about positive and negative space.  
June: oh, so she's made this comparison 8efore?  
Kanaya: Can It  
Kanaya: If This Were A Drawing Then The Mug Would Be Positive Space And The Area Around It Would Be Negative  
Kanaya: But If You Held It Up To Your Face So That You Could Only See The MILF Word Then The MILF Word Would Be Positive And The Mug Negative 

she takes it 8y the handle again and drinks deep, rhythmically clinking her fingernails as she goes.

Kanaya: Anyway Thats What Space Means To Me Now  
June: it means... "MILF"?  
Kanaya: More Or Less  
June: um  
Kanaya: Space Is A Series Of Nested Positives And Negatives Like Those Eggs With Eggs In Them That Humans Like To Make For Some Reason  
Kanaya: One Egg Is A Mug  
Kanaya: One Egg Is MILF  
Kanaya: One Egg Is The Universe  
Kanaya: Are You With Me So Far  
June: oh yeah, defin8ly  
Kanaya: These Distinctions Are Largely Academic And I Normally Wouldnt Waste Time Explaining Them Except I Thought It Was Funny  
Kanaya: This Was All To Say That I Expected What You Expected  
Kanaya: I Expected Stars And Asteroids And Sundry Other Cosmic Artefacts  
Kanaya: Instead I Learned How To See MILF For What It Was  
Kanaya: Put In A Less Stupid Way I Gained An Awareness Of The Spatial Composition Of Surfaces And Their Many Nested Planes  
June: okay so... what does that mean for you?  
Kanaya: It Means That When I Fly To The Brood Caverns I Can Feel Where Space Is Thick And Where Its Thin  
Kanaya: Like How You Can Tell The Density Of Fabric With Your Fingertips  
Kanaya: It Worried Me For A While Until I Realized That The World Has Probably Always Been Like This And I Was Too Busy Thinking About Girls Wearing Chokers To Notice  
Kanaya: What Remains Worrisome Is The Possibility That I Could Use My Sylph Powers To Manipulate The Boundary Between Mug And MILF To Open A Hole In Space Itself  
June: wait. like, so, you could turn the mug into-?  
Kanaya: The Mug Is A Metaphor June  
Kanaya: The MILF Word Is Just Paint On Ceramic  
Kanaya: But Hypothetically Yes  
June: and what happens when you... do. that. ?  
Kanaya: No Idea  
Kanaya: Havent Tried It  
June: do you think it would 8e bad?  
Kanaya: Do I Think Punching A Hole Into The Fabric Of The Universe Would Be Bad  
June: I don't know! sorry if I seem dense right now, it's just you keep throwing around the word "MILF" in the context of all this metaphorical fucking space science jargon or whatever and I can't keep my thoughts straight!  
Kanaya: Whats Wrong With The MILF Word  
June: it's distracting!  
Rose: Are you often distracted by milves, June?  
June: wow, really?  
Rose: You're the one who brought it up.  
June: okay, new house rule: no more milf talk.  
Rose: A mandated milf moratorium? How droll.  
Kanaya: You Cant Stop The Milf June  
Kanaya: The Milf Will Run Wild And Free As Is Its Nature And Its Right  
June: now you're just making fun of me.  
Kanaya: Wow June I Thought You Were An Heir Not A Seer

I roll my eyes.

June: well, thanks for humoring me, I guess!  
June: anyway. um.  
Rose: Right. Where were we?  
Kanaya: Wiggler Level Addition  
Rose: Of course.  
Rose: You know, it's only appropriate that we'd be the ones to figure out how to seamlessly weave the mathematics of dissociative identities into the metaphysics of symbolic spatial planes over the course of a single conversation.  
Kanaya: Normal Thursday Morning Coffee Talk  
June: I'm just along for the ride at this point.  
Rose: So, if I'm understanding your hypothetical equation correctly, it sounds like variables A and B are circumstantially simultaneous to outcome C.  
June: oh.  
June: fuck.  
June: fuck!!!!!!!!  
June: yeah that pretty much descri8es it!   
June: but, okay, how is that possible?  
Rose: Outside of a few scientifically dubious diagnoses, I haven't the faintest idea.

she scratches her chin, her eyes narrowed at the floor.

Rose: You've insisted from the beginning that you are equal parts deadname and Vriska, but you've only ever seemed to embody the parts that are... well, _you._ Why do you think that is?  
June: I um.  
June: I guess it's 8ecause...  
June: well. this is a human body, right? that didn't change when I transed my gender.  
Rose: Right.  
June: so everything "Vriska" was from the outside coming in.  
June: 8ut it's more than that.  
June: when I think back on _him,_ it's almost clinical. like reading a patient's chart at a hospital, you know?  
June: "J. Eg8ert, born April 13th, died somewhere between three and five times, has depression, needs to get out more."  
Rose: Accurate description.  
June: I remember him. I remember 8eing him. but he doesn't feel like me. because he's half of me, right?  
June: 8ut he's the half I want to leave behind.  
June: on the other hand, when I try to reflect on Vriska's memories, it's...  
June: I don't know. chaotic. loud. all this manic, eager energy, like sticking my arm out of a moving jet.  
Kanaya: That Definitely Sounds Like The Vriska Experience  
June: god, you'd think the wind wouldn't scare me anymore, 8ut it does!  
June: _she_ does.  
June: she put me together, she literally saved my life! 8ut she also nearly killed me in the process. whatever I am as a result of that...  
June: everything's different now. everyone's traumatized, _I'M_ fucking traumatized, and it feels like every time I get close to her it just makes things worse!  
June: I just-  
Rose: Stop.

when I look up at her I realize my hands are shaking, she's even holding my hand and it's still shaking. she leans towards me. locks eyes with me. doesn't 8link

Rose: You can't keep thinking of this in terms of "she" and "him."  
Rose: In your own words, you're more than both of them.  
June: 8ut they're literally arguing in my head-  
Rose: I'm not saying that isn't happening.  
Rose: I'm saying that you need to recontextualize _them_ as inseparable from _you_. Because that's what they are.  
Rose: His memories, her memories. Metaphysical questions aside, and once again in your own words, they're _your_ memories.  
Rose: Are you hearing me?  
June: I guess...  
Rose: I hope you guess correctly, because this is important.  
Rose: What's happening to you, I _think,_ is the inevitable result of carrying two traumatic lifetime's worth of thoughts and experiences simultaneously.  
Rose: A double PTSD combob, if you will.  
June: fuck off  
Rose: No.  
Rose: It's not fair that this is happening to you.  
Rose: It's not fair that you're the confluence of so many painful and dangerous things, or that you hold within you so much power and so much history.  
Rose: But how often have any of us been dealt a fair hand?  
June: so, what do you think I should do?  
Rose: First, you need to swallow your fear and-  
June: look I'm not afraid, I just-  
Rose: June, you are LITERALLY trembling right now!  
Rose: You are afraid. And that's okay, this is a frightening situation.

her brow furrows as she considers something. god I wish Terezi was here to tell me what the fuck is going through her head  
  
Rose's face resolves to certainty. sadness in her eyes again.

Rose: I'm going to tell you something that's even more frightening, but I need you to understand that it isn't a threat, veiled or otherwise.  
June: o...kay?  
Rose: Okay.

she leans close, so close I think for a second she's gonna kiss me.  
  
puts her lips next to my ear  
  
warmth radi8s off her skin, her hair smells like flowery shampoo.  
  
whispers

Rose: (I know what you did.)

oh  
  
oh no  
  
oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck my 8lood turns to ice Kanaya's staring at us confused what does this mean how does she

Rose: (Breathe, June.)  
Rose: (I'm not going to tell anyone, and I'm not going to do anything about it.)  
Rose: (It's okay.)  
June: how do you-  
Rose: (The same way Dirk knew. The same way you have the memories of someone you've barely even met.)  
Kanaya: Is Everything Okay

I nod, a little, then too frantically, but, I'm still

Rose: (I know why you're afraid.)  
Rose: (You're afraid because you've witnessed exactly what you're capable of, and you don't want to make the same mistake again.)  
Rose: (It keeps you up at night. I've seen the guilt on your face.)  
June: (why are you telling me this?)  
Rose: (So that you'll listen to what I have to say.)  
Rose: (Nothing is going to get better if you keep trying to hide from that retconned bender.)  
Rose: (It may be neither relevant nor essential to this timeline, but it's still just as true as any other memory.)  
Rose: (Violence is the cornerstone atop which our universe rests. Not just your violence but mine, and Kanaya's, and Terezi's, and Vriska's- everyone's violence, going back an eternity.)  
Rose: (The only way to reconcile the screaming contradiction at your center is to risk the violence that scares you.)  
Rose: (If you don't, things will only get worse.)  
Rose: (You know that you're dangerous, June, so BE dangerous.)  
Rose: (You'll need it for what's coming.)  
June: (what?)

she pulls away, smiling, and I, I don't know why but I, I smile 8ack

Rose: That is, _if_ something is coming, which is impossible to say.  
June: ummm????????  
Rose: Look, you've been treating "them" as a phenomenon separate from your trauma, and that's clearly a mistake.  
Rose: If you really want to accept your whole self, you'll have to live all its constituent parts. Do you understand?  
June: fuckin... I guess!

I get up from the couch and pace around the room. the solution is o8vious now, she's M8DE it obvious, but I don't want to do it, I don't, I'm scared to! they're looking at me expectantly, except Rose looks...  
  
what is that fucking _look?_ it's 8een off and on all morning, and yesterday too, at the boardroom, I wrote it off then because I thought it had to be harmless, but after THIS?

June: Rose, what else do you know that you're not telling me?

before she can answer, my phone vi8r8s. I unlock it to see a message from

Jade: im sorry

June: what the fuck?  
Rose: Hmmm?  
June: it's Jade. she's-

another message pops up.

Jade: this didnt go how i expected

Kanaya: What Does The Barkwitch Have To Say For Herself  
June: I'm not sure

Jade: i hope you can see this june because im really scared and it would be nice to have some company

I start typing a response, 8ut then a few more come in.

Jade: guess that was too much to ask  
Jade: you know, i cant stop thinking about playing dressup with you  
Jade: i really hoped wed get to do that someday  
Jade: sorry i wasnt there for you, sis  
Jade: sorry i couldnt be better

Kanaya: Are You Alright June  
Kanaya: You Look Like You Just Saw A Spectral Hallucination  
June: something's wrong  
Rose: What?  
June: I think she's in trou8le. I have to-  
Rose: What do you mean she's in trouble? June?

I can't let something 8ad happen to her, I can't  
  
8efore I realize I've even zapped to another part of the world, I'm already 8anging on her door-  
  
But we continue to see two women sitting in a room together, one looking at the other with palpable confusion.

Kanaya: What The Fuck Just Happened  
Rose: With Jade? I have no idea.  
Kanaya: No  
Kanaya: Well Yes  
Kanaya: But More Specifically With June

The human called Rose Lalonde considers her wife's question through a sigh that is equal parts genuine and affected, following in the manner of all her actions.  
  
A line of sweat percolates on her forehead as the pressure behind her eyes spikes exponentially.

Rose: I'll explain everything, but...  
Rose: Can you get my pills first?  
Kanaya: Is Your Head Hurting Again  
Rose: Yeah.  
Rose: It's killing me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback kanaya dialog taken from homestuck page 2204


	3. thursday 2

the door opens so fast that my fist connects with Jade's faCE OH SHIT I JUST PUNCHED J8DE I WATCH AS SHE STUM8LES BACK ONTO THE FLOOR

June: I'M SORRY JADE I DIDN'T MEAN TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE

I can't tell what she's saying beyond a string of whines and expletives so I rush in and try to gra8 her but with the hand not clutching her face she points at me, and suddenly I'm suspended motionless in the air, moving my legs and arms idly like I'm in a fucking cartoon

Jade: OW!!  
Jade: BARK BARK >:(  
Jade: what the heck june wheres the fire!!  
June: I'm sorry I REALLY didn't mean to hit you I was just worried because I...  
June: I got...

looking at her I notice she's not wearing pajamas or sweats or anything else you'd expect for this hour of the morning, 8ut instead something between a lab coat and crabber's overalls, hair tied behind her head, hands dirty and streaked with grease.  
  
it hasn't 8een long since the last time I visited Jade's lab, but I realize now it's barely recognizable. The walls are lined from floor to ceiling with old, oddly shaped electronics with spinning tape, fish glo8es full of lightning, unmarked 8uttons of many colors flashing at seemingly random intervals. Some of these machines look organic, their surfaces glowing and moving almost like they need to 8reathe.  
  
I can't see her plants anywhere.

June: what is all this stuff?  
Jade: early detection hardware, now tell me why youre-  
June: early detection for what?

when she stands up, I see the hearty bruise she's now sporting just under her left eye, and her glasses are bent and cracked

June: oh god, I'm reaaaaaaaally sorry Jade! I can get you a new pair if-

with a snap of her fingers, the 8roken pair disappears and a new set shows up in her hand.

June: wh  
June: you can... you can just fix your glasses at will?  
Jade: no dummy i keep a stockpile of them on the moon  
June: ...you have a stockpile of spare glasses on the moon?  
Jade: yes  
June: why do you haAAAA

I plummet to the earth with sudden and unwelcome force as Jade replaces the spectacles on the bridge of her nose and takes a few strong steps in my direction.

June: oww  
Jade: now that youve given me a FUCKING SHINER, care to explain why youre here june?  
June: I'm really sorry, fuck I've 8een hurting a lot of people l8ly-  
Jade: i absolve you of your sins now tell me whats flipped your lid before i zap you into space  
June: right, uh. well I...  
June: I thought you were in danger?  
Jade: why would you think that  
June: may8e 8ecause of the messages you sent????????  
Jade: what the heck are you talking about?

I scram8le back to my feet and hold my phone out to her.

Jade: oh

Jade looks them over and the annoyance on her face evapor8s as she grabs my phone HEY

June: hey!  
Jade: this is incredible  
June: what is??  
Jade: i cant believe you actually got these!  
June: why wouldn't I?

she falls back into a disused chair, shaking her head at the string of texts for a long stretch of silence. I can feel my heart pounding in my head, 8ut now I'm more confused than anything.

Jade: i always assumed they just...  
Jade: woof

her eyes drift and Jade mutters something to herself.

June: hey, are you-

then she looks up at me with a sad little grin, and sends my phone drifting 8ack to me like a slow motion paper airplane. despite its leisurely pace I still almost miss it 8ecause the gesture is so surprising.

Jade: yeah i can see why youd be freaking out about those!  
Jade: theyre definitely concerning messages. i sure wasnt in a great place when i sent them  
June: wait, so- so these aren't recent?  
Jade: no i sent them centuries ago  
June: woah!  
Jade: yeah thats a trip huh  
Jade: what timing  
June: yeah...  
June: so uh, what was going on?

her smile dips a 8it.

Jade: it was  
Jade: during the battle with lord english  
June: what??  
Jade: its a long story that i dont really want to get into  
June: why?  
Jade: sigh  
Jade: i could spend the rest of my life trying to explain that fight to you and it still wouldnt do it justice  
Jade: ive seen some shit and done some shit, you know this about me  
Jade: but ill never see anything like what i saw there, never do anything remotely as...  
Jade: anyway like i said i dont want to talk about it  
Jade: the relevant bit is at one point i got thrown away from the battlefield and thought for sure i was done for, so i texted you hoping youd  
Jade: i dont know  
Jade: show up at the last second to save the day like a big fucking hero?  
June: that's wild  
Jade: why?  
June: I dunno, it just seems like I'm the one who always needs saving these days  
Jade: haha true  
Jade: my sister, ever the damsel in distress

those words hit me in a weird spot deep in my gut, and I feel a laugh bu88le up out of me

June: wow that's  
June: weirdly gender affirming, hahaha!  
Jade: :)  
June: Jade, I'm...  
June: I'm sorry I couldn't-  
Jade: oh its not your fault! how could you possibly have known?  
Jade: and even if you did, the way things played out?  
Jade: i doubt you would have made the situation much better  
June: why do you say that?

just then I'm 8linded by a flash of white light, and when it fades Davepeta is hovering in the middle of the room holding several more industrial-sized hunks of 8linking machinery.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < good news jadeycakes i managed to nab the electroquantum d33pspace scanners _and_ the radio sponges  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < lemme tell ya those murrpeople sure do know how to haggle  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < anyway meow were just missing the nuclear  
June: ::::|  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B00  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < oh hi june  
June: uh  
June: nuclear??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah thats  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < defurnately a word i just said  
June: NUCLEAR????????  
Jade: its not a big deal, just-  
June: what the fuck are you trying to detect that a nuclear ANYTHING is necessary?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < oh so are we letting june in on the-  
Jade: davepeta i love you but PLEASE stop saying things  
June: let me in on what????

Davepeta looks chastened but characteristically overjoyed a8out it anyway. as they get to work setting up the, I guess, radio sponges, which really do just look like sponges with LEDs, Jade 8eckons me to sit down across from her.

Jade: lets back up  
June: sure why not  
Jade: ive been thinking about how we ended things last time you were here  
Jade: how we said no more secrets?  
Jade: well im gonna tell you a secret thatll make you real peeved  
June: oh good

last time we sat across from each other at this rinky little table, Jade was lost and racked with guilt. now she's so much older in spirit and also literally, sometimes I 8arely recognize her.  
  
she massages the 8ridge of her nose, lets out a slow sigh. 

Jade: the secret is there are things i just cant tell you  
June: wow, that's a shitty secret.  
Jade: told you itd make you peeved  
June: look, I get why may8e you wouldn't trust everyone else, 8ut why can't you trust me?  
Jade: its not a matter of trust  
Jade: i dont enjoy keeping secrets from you but good god if you knew everything there was to know about me

something metal clatters to the floor, and Jade peers over her shoulder to see Davepeta fum8ling with some weird alien wrench.  
  
they laugh and ru8 the back of their head, and Jade smiles at them. I think a8out what it must have been like, just the two of them together for so long. did they ever get in fights, or are they always just like this? happy, friendly, glad to be in good company even in less than ideal circumstances?  
  
I wonder if me and Terezi would last that long oh this is a 8ad thought train actually! something else something else something  
  
the words form in my throat and I 8lurt them out before I even know what I'm

June: I punched a 8uilding over once.

Jade and Davepeta slowly turn their attention 8ack towards me, their expressions comically identical in their confusion

Jade: ...what?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B??

fuck it fuck it if Rose knows then Jade might as well know too, no second-guessing, just gotta trust my stupid 8rain oh this is a really bad idea

June: the night after I came out and everyone, you know

I wave my hands in a vague gesture and try to hide the terror vibr8ing through my vocal cords

June: I got super drunk and had some of Callie's juju and uh  
June: well, I was real pissed off. so I  
June: killed?  
June: um. everyone.  
Jade: "everyone"?  
June: everyone  
June: well okay maybe not _everyone_ everyone but like, 8asically everyone.  
June: everyone who was shitty to me, at least.  
June: and even some people who weren't.  
June: at some point that night I punched CrockerCorp tower so hard it fell over and killed like... hundreds of people? may8e more may8e less it's hard to say  
Jade: holy shit what????  
June: yeah it's fucked up!  
June: I woke up with a hangover, didn't remem8er what happened, Dirk showed up to tell me off, he threatened to kill me-

ru8 the scar on my neck suppress a steel-cold shiver down my spine

June: so I zapped 8ack to that night and stopped myself eating the juju, retconned the whole thing  
June: 8uuuuuuuut I guess Dirk could remem8er it anyway?   
June: so he threatened me again right  
June: and I was really fucking terrified after, like I just assumed I was compl8ly fucked, then I had an epiphany and shaved my head and got that tattoo and then 8eat the shit out of Dirk and uh  
June: dangled him over a volcano I guess  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < lmao what  
June: well turns out he had some big fuckin plan or whatever and he needed me to 8e a passive participant and didn't like me getting all 8razen with my autonomy so he used all of you guys with his, what, his powers? his fucking narration powers I guess? to intimid8 me into submission and so thats why  
June: you know  
June: all of _that_ happened

I look up from my hands and see their faces are still confused 8ut also skeptical and may8e a little oh I don't want to hazard a guess at what that third emotion might be fuck fuck fuck

June: I sure don't know why I'm telling you this!!!!!!!!  
June: why should I expect you'd take it 8etter than last time?  
Jade: ...  
Jade: last time?  
June: uh  
June:  
June: fuck  
June: okay um  
June: a day or two 8efore I took you to fight Lord English?  
June: when you came to my house to try to apologize we had an actually really nice convers8ion that I think was pretty cathartic for 8oth of us, but then Terezi showed up to try and kill me 8ecause I texted her when I was on my candy rampage and apparently texts aren't affected 8y retcon????????  
June: which is actually really lame when you think about it like what fucking good is a retcon if it doesn't retcon _everything?_  
Jade: :/  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B//  
June: right sorry  
June: anyway she gave you her phone with the texts and you teleported off to tell every8ody I guess because a little while later you and the gang showed up to um  
June: to kill me  
June: wow I don't know why I'm telling you this!!!!!!!!  
Jade: did we fight?  
June: huh?  
Jade: when i showed up did you and me have a beatdown?  
June: no, uh  
June: I was ready to 8ut then TZ shooshpapped me and helped me retcon the whole thing peacefully instead, so  
June: no we didn't have a 8eatdown  
Jade: shoot  
June: shoot???  
Jade: i wanted to know how many hits i got in!  
June: how many...  
June: what????????  
Jade: well if we had a cool anime battle id at least like to know how well i did

then she laughs.  
  
she LAUGHS?  
  
why is she laughing?

June: why are you laughing?  
Jade: i always laugh at my own jokes  
June: there was a joke?  
Jade: that definitely tracks though, younger me would NOT have taken that kinda thing super well  
June: wait so  
June: aren't you like, mad at me? scared of me? or something??

she shrugs.

Jade: not really

I stare at her, mouth hanging open a 8it. Davepeta's already gone 8ack to setting up electronics.

June: why the fuck not????????  
Jade: you almost sound disappointed  
June: I'm not disappointed I'm just  
June: I don't even

she leans across the ta8le and puts a hand over my nervously tapping fingers.

Jade: im not happy about it, if that makes you feel any better  
June: uh  
Jade: ok look  
Jade: im not gonna say this doesnt come as a surprise  
Jade: thats actually a pretty fucked up series of things you did!  
Jade: if i didnt know you personally and caught you pulling this shit, we for sure wouldve had a beatdown  
Jade: but luckily i do and i didnt and it doesnt matter anyway because you fixed it  
Jade: now we could spend the next few hours arguing about the morality of killing people in a retconned timeline but thankfully rose isnt here so i say we just skip all that theoretical finger-wagging and dig straight down into the thick caramel center of this candy-coated conundrum  
Jade: the fact is you have a privilege that near as i can tell no one else in creation has  
Jade: and if i were to make a list of people who absolutely should not have that kind of power, youd be pretty far from the top  
June: 8ut-  
Jade: whatever youve done june i promise ive done worse  
Jade: and i did it without your privilege

my stomach drops. looking at her face, her humorless smile, her weary eyes, I  
  
I don't even know what to think. what to say.

Jade: so whyd you tell me this? quid pro quo, trading dark secrets?  
June: well I kinda hoped-  
Jade: cause it doesnt work like that  
Jade: i appreciate your honesty and im honored that youd trust me with this kind of sensitive information.  
Jade: like really! ive been worried sick that you and everyone else hate me now!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its true shes lost a lot of sleep  
Jade: but you have to understand  
Jade: theres a reason most people dont live as long as i have, and i really hope you never have to find that out for yourself  
June:  
June: fucking hell, Jade  
Jade: what?  
June: you can 8e really scary when you want to be

she laughs again, genuinely, a sparkle in her eye

Jade: yeah i bet we share that in common ^_^;  
Jade: alright, lets talk early detection  
Jade: i told you a while back it wasnt out of the question wed get attacked by one of my many enemies  
June: yeah...  
Jade: well rather than just sit and wait, this is us being proactive!  
Jade: currently we are in the process of assembling an array of gadgets and gizmos from across the omniverse so if anyone wants to pick a fight with us well see em coming from a mile away  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < way more than a mile though more like a couple hundred thousand lightyears  
Jade: oh same difference!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33  
June: and the nuclear 8it?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < not everythings a bomb just beclawse it says nuclear on the label  
June: why wouldn't you tell us a8out this? don't you think we could have helped?  
Jade: its easier for us to do this on our own  
June: you know that's not what I mean   
Jade: do you really think itd let anyone sleep better at night to know the exact justification for every single one of these machines?  
Jade: you think the history of all my nemeses is gonna bring us together as friends?? cause trust me theyre not all as cut and dry as butthurt space cops  
June: well I think they would at least understand-  
Jade: if you told them what you just told me, do you think they would understand?  
June: ::::(  
Jade: the answer is no  
Jade: maybe they wouldnt immediately jump to stringing you up in the town square by your toenails but at the very least itd change how they see you  
Jade: that is how you lose the trust of your allies  
Jade: and allies that dont trust you are just enemies waiting for a better cause  
June: I... I really don't think that's true  
Jade: you want to put that thought to the test?  
Jade: go tell everybody about your semi-hypothetical murders and see what happens. no consequences right?  
June:  
Jade: but you wont because even if you arent a hundred percent sure, youre still just sure enough that the extra percent isnt relevant  
Jade: you may have gotten the most elaborate tattoo removal procedure in history but i know you still believe that some things cant be erased  
June: wow, ouch  
Jade: look i get that this is unsettling and im  
Jade: im sorry ok!  
Jade: im really actually truly sorry that this is how things are!!  
Jade: but unlike you i cant afford to just try my luck.

my heart hurts. why do I feel sad? I look down at the ta8le, see Jade's hands over mine. she 8ears a few scars up her arms, and they don't look self-inflicted. her fingers are rough even as they're covered in grease.  
  
she's spent her whole life getting her hands dirty, and what have I done 8esides get lucky?

June: okay.  
Jade: ok?  
June: okay. as in you're right.  
June: you know your situ8ion 8etter than I do, and you sure as heck have a lot more experience with this stuff than the rest of us.  
June: 8ut what happens when you _do_ detect something? how do you explain all this?  
Jade: we lie  
June: you  
June: what?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yikes babe maybe thats not  
Jade: youve been honest with me so heres me being honest with you  
Jade: its a lot simpler and a LOT faster to say a wizard did it than it is to explain whats actually going on  
June: wait, so...  
June: how much have you lied a8out?  
Jade: ive never told a lie about anything that mattered  
June: what's that supposed to mean?  
Jade: do you deliver an encyclopedic rundown of every detail of an event every time something comes up?  
Jade: i cant believe i have to explain the benefits of selective truthtelling to you  
Jade: how the hell have you even survived this long without spilling your beans everywhere?  
June: Terezi  
Jade: oh yeah that makes sense  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < where is that grumpurry rascal anyway

oh. right.  
  
that.  
  
I feel my 8ody slump down in my seat as panic and fear and guilt all flood right 8ack into my open mind and I just can't stay up

June: she's  
June: 8usy  
Jade: huh.

she's pointedly unconvinced, FUCK I really am a terri8le liar! Jade watches me with an arced brow, I can get out of this just, just stay cool, just

Jade: busy with what?  
June: hrrrmmmh I don't know  
Jade: uhuh  
June: look it's just...  
June: it feels really 8ad to talk about after the convers8ion we just had  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < whatd you do strangle her?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I SIT 8OLT UPR8T SO FAST JADE YELPS

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < woah  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats uh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < a yes?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < appurrently?  
June: UM  
Jade: june?  
June: I

I close my eyes 8ecause I can't look at them. their tone, their apprehension, the slight change in their 8ody language, it's like I flipped a switch and   
  
what did I expect  
  
it sounds 8ad  
  
it IS 8ad  
  
WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINKcan feel my thoughts picking up speed, imagining Jade pulling one of her swords out of that arsenal she has, imagining Davepeta doing to me what they did to DirkLET THEM TRYmy heart  
  
my Heart under their control  
  
again like always my heart is never under my control  
  
see a fight 8reak out as I try to run, see us have a proper beatdown before I'm forced to fuck off somewhere else or just die  
  
dangerous. dangerous. why does Rose want me to 8e dangerous when this is what it leads to?  
  
I wanted to 8e dangerous and this is what it means. this is what it means. the only tool I can ever be is a knife and the only use I can have is to CUT  
  
if she would just listen to me, if she would just LISTEN, I didn't kill them, I didn't do it, why does she think I'm so 8ad, why can't she just stop and listen and hear me out if I could just EXPL8IN IT TO HER SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND AND THEN WE COULD 8E FINE _IT WILL NEVER 8E FINE WITH HER STEEL IN MY CHEST WITH MY 8ODY 8LEEDING OUT ON THE FUCKING GROUND_ _ 8LEEDING OUT PINNED TO THE FUCKING WALL AS HE MOCKS ME AND HE SAYS_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You'll never be rid of me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm right outside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
:)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
why can't he leave us alone? why do we always have to be up to our eyeballs in spiteful ghosts when just waking up and remembering to exist every day is hard enough as it is This is just my life now, this is all I am, a threat waiting to 8e put down, an open target for a piece of antiqu8d fucking metal AND MY FRIENDS WILL JUST WATCH AND GO HOME AND DRINK AND WONDER WHERE IT ALL WENT WRONG AND I'LL JUST 8E  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jade snaps her fingers in front of my face

June: huh?  
Jade: you ok sis???  
June: uhhh

she reaches d- _down?_ down and 8rushes my cheek, it's wet, I'm curled up on the floor I'm 8reathing too fast, like I just woke up  
  
fuck, my head hurts

June: what happened?  
Jade: it looks like you had a panic attack  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < whanged your head real hard on the linolemeowm too  
June: oh  
June: 

turn face to the ground, see my hands shaking, 8link and tears drip onto the floor, sirens screaming in the periphery from the whirring machines, too much noise all around me, just want to  
  
reality reality remem8er reality  
  
8reathe

June: did I, uh  
June: say anything  
Jade: no you just kinda curled up and keeled over screaming  
June: god damn it  
June: why is it always screaming  
June: this is getting really fucking inconvenient  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so this is like a regular thing now  
June: no!  
June: I mean  
June: it's like four months I'm trying all the time not to think a8out what happened and now between Rose and you I'm just fucking 8ARRAGED by it  
June: and there's no way I can defend myself from this  
Jade: from what?  
June: every thing  
June: I hurt people I manipul8d people I fucked with reality just so I could live my own life and you're right I can't just forget it, I can't pretend I didn't  
June: didn't do what I did  
June: can't pretend that it's over and done when it's all just right there taunting me  
June: how do I convince anyone that it won't happen again?  
June: how do you 8elieve me when I say I never want to retcon again until someone kills me??  
June: how does anyone 8elieve a single fucking thing I say when you know what you know and-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < june i know you think youre some kinda meownster but weve met meownsters and they dont lose sleep over crimes  
June: what difference does that make?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it means theres still a good purrson somewhere in there who doesnt wanna hurt people

that  
  
that lands  
  
I laugh and sort of, slip onto the ground more and I feel  
  
something else  
  
in me  
  
sarcastically amused

June: Hahahahahahahaha!  
June: May8e crawl into my head and hear those thoughts for yourself 8efore you start making promises.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B((  
Jade: june...  
Jade: what happened???? :(

what am I doing?  
  
swimming, drowning  
  
god this is just 8ecause of one fucking question what is WRONG with

June: I'm losing my mind  
June: I can't tell the difference 8etween me and her and him  
June: lose track, sometimes, of what's real and what's  
June: What's just in my head.  
June: I'm  
June: sorry.  
June: for what I am  
June: 8ut sometimes I get so angry at a thought that feels more real than anything I've ever touched  
June: and it makes me want to hurt people  
June: I've already hurt people  
June: I hurt Terezi and I know she'll never forgive me and  
June: and  
June: and for some fucking reason I just want to hurt her again!   
June: 8ut I don't want to  
June: 8ut I do  
June: but i don't  
June: and on  
June: and on  
June: and on all the fucking time I just

laying on my side staring out at the linoleum horizon, smell the cold dirt and already taste 8lood in my mouth, my eye hurts, my head hurts, all of reality is just too much and  
  
Davepeta kneels down next to me

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok june  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < if you really want us to believe youve become an unrepawntant bloodthirsty murder gal

their eyes meet mine as they press a finger to my chest

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < purrove it


	4. thursday 3 / friday 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of violence, sexual forwardness, suicidal ideation, and unreality.

DO3S 1T HURT?  
not really?  
sometimes it feels... uncomforta8le, in a weird way. 8ut it doesn't hurt.  
HRMM  
>:/

she traces a finger along the steel socket of my shoulder, all the exposed pegs and conductors and other shit that makes the prosthetic work. a shiver shakes its way up my back. it's like touching my foot when my leg is asleep, I _should_ 8e feeling something, and yet...

defin8ly itches though.  
Y34H, OLD WOUNDS T3ND TO DO TH4T

Terezi picks up the little tu8e of medical cream and squeezes some out into her fingers. it's a sugary blue color and sparkles almost like toothpaste. it's ice cold when she presses it into the scarred skin around the metal 8ase.  
  
as she massages it up over my shoulder, I touch the immo8ile limb folded up in my lap.

it's so weird that I can just...  
do that.  
DO WH4T?  
take it off!  
like how often do you think of 8ody parts as accessories? it's so weird!  
actually, is that insens8ive?  
PROB4BLY  
damn. a8leism really is everywhere, huh.  
I don't want to be a8leist.  
1 KNOW  
...  
...  
I think I need a new tattoo.

I say it expecting her to ask what I mean or throw out a lewd suggestion. instead she just. keeps doing what she was doing. I'm not even sure she heard-

WH4T K1ND OF T4TTOO  
oh, uh.  
I don't know! it's hard to get more sym8olic than the last one. I've thought a8out etching 'set in stone' into my prosthetic 8ut at this point that just seems like-  
well, a retcon, ahahaha!  
hahaah.  
ahem.  
hm.  
...  
guess I've just 8een feeling antsy. restless.  
do you know what I mean?  
SUR3

her fingers cross down to my 8ack. she squeezes out some more paste when her fingers run dry.  
  
she's 8een quiet all afternoon. I can't read her face, 8ut usually when she's this reserved it's not a gr8 sign.

is uh.  
is something on your mind?  
SOM3TH1NG 1S 4LW4YS ON MY M1ND, JUN3  
right 8ut I mean like,  
specifically.  
1'M F1N3.  
I'm not asking if you're _fine,_ I'm asking if something is 8othering you.  
NOTH1NG 1S BOTH3R1NG M3  
okay.  
...  
did I...  
did I do something wrong?  
UGGHHHHH  
NO YOU D1DN'T DO 4NYTH1NG WRONG  
NOT 3V3RYTH1NG 1S YOUR F4ULT, GU1LTB3RT  
oh, 8ut that's where you're wrong.  
1S TH4T SO?  
yup!  
given enough time, I can come up with a compelling argument for why literally everything 8ad is somehow a result of my actions.  
I'm like the 8atman of insecur8y.  
S3LF-P1TY 1SN'T 4 SUP3R POW3R, JUN3  
you say that, and yet...

she doesn't respond, just maneuvers her fingers under my armpit, slathers the last of the exposed skin. I reach up with my right arm to give her more room, which sets some of the pegs and gears whirring- 8ut otherwise I just sort of. shrug half of my shoulder?

hah, I tried to move my arm out of your way. that's kinda funny isn't it?  
muscle memory is weird.  
MM

she's concentr8ed, more than I'd expect for this quick little bit of maintenance. already I'm feeling a little spike of panic 8ecause what did I do, what did I say, have I 8een mean lately, did I mistake one of her "vintage" 8lueberry cottage cheese sandwiches for rotten trash again?  
  
gotta come up with something to get her to talk 8efore I lose my fucking mind.  
  
so I pick up my arm and put its hand on her knee.

need a hand?  
>:[  
R34LLY?  
okay I admit it's not the _8est_ joke I've ever made, 8ut you're not exactly giving me a lot of material to work with.  
SORRY  
no, you don't need to 8e sorry-  
hey. seriously, what's up?

Terezi lets out a small sigh. turns her face towards me.

1T'S JUST  
1 H4D TO DO TH1S FOR VR1SK4 4 F3W T1M3S  
oh.  
Y34H.  
and those are... 8ad memories? or-  
1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T

Terezi picks my arm up off her knee and uses one of its sharpened fingers to pry the lid off a can of grease. She dips her hand in and pulls away a clear, snot-like slime.

4R3 YOU SUR3 TH1S STUFF 1S HYG13N1C??  
>:/  
It can't 8e less hygienic than whatever came out of that tu8e.  
8esides, it's not like we're spoiled for options right now.

Terezi shrugs and starts to massage the lu8ricant into the joints and sockets of my shoulder.  
  
Why is my heart 8eating so fast? The silence 8etween us is too much. I'm glad she can't see me 8lushing.

Can I ask you something?  
SUR3  
Why are you helping me?  
WHO 3LS3 1S GONN4 DO 1T, 3R1D4N??  
Hah, as if!  
I'd sooner shish ke8a8 that pretentious guppie than let him lu8ric8 my delic8 mechanisms!

Terezi compl8ly stops moving. Did I say something? Oh no what did W8IT DID I JUST IMPLY-

I meant my arm! I wouldn't let him touch my arm, 8ecause he's a clumsy idiot and I don't w8nt the gears and stuff to smell like FISH for the next few sweeps.  
That's what I meant, o8viously.  
Hah.

She doesn't say anything, just. Leans forward and keeps. Doing what she was doing. Under her glasses I see a hint of a 8lush.  
  
Oh god, I can't 8ELIEVE I just said that! I'm such a fucking idiot, holy shit that was em8arassing. Some8ody kill me now, please! I turn my head towards the exposed rock of the meteor, the am8ient glow from the screens in the other room, I look anywhere that isn't at her 8ecause _WOW_ I can't, I can't with this, I can't with this, I'm so fucking stupid, I'm such a dum8 wiggler what the FUCK is wrong with me!   
  
_Delic8 mechanisms _who says that!!!!!!!! Who says "delic8 mechanisms"???????? I might as well just-__

____

____

STOP SQU1RM1NG, TH1S SPOTS H4RD TO R34CH  
Oh. Uh. Sorry.  
...  
So when you say "Who else is gonna do it," I feel like the o8vious answer is "no8ody."  
I mean if I were you I'd just let me suffer. It's what I deserve, right?  
YOU D3S3RV3 4 LOT OF TH1NGS, S3RK3T  
Wow, thanks!  
BUT 4T L34ST FOR NOW 1 DONT TH1NK YOU D3S3RV3 TO ST3W 1N YOUR OWN JU1C3S 4ND D13 OF FL3SHROT  
Ohhhhhhhh, is that a hint of regret I hear?  
M4YB3 1TS COMP4SS1ON 4ND 3MP4THY??  
Sounds fake. I think you've 8een talking to the humans for too long.  
UGH, WH4T3V3R!  
YOU DONT H4V3 TO M4K3 4 WHOL3 TH1NG OUT OF 1T OK?? NOT 3V3RYTH1NG 1S 4 S1X D1M3NS1ON4L FL4RP G4M3  
Oh, 8ut that's where you're wrong!  
1M SUR3  
We may not 8e playing now, which makes this a neutral event, 8ut if the day comes when we're in competition again-  
TH4TS 3X4CTLY WHY W3 C4LL3D 4 TRUC3!!  
Yeah, 8ut no one can see the whole future.  
1 S33 3NOUGH  
Oh sure, guilt me a8out THAT now too!  
1M NOT GU1LT1NG YOU VR1SK4, 1-  
W3V3 4LR34DY T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S!!  
And I still don't 8elieve you.  
W3LL TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4 YOU PROBL3M

I try to cross my arms 8ut of course only one of them moves 8ecause the other is in my lap, so I just sort of limply slap my chest. Terezi is kind enough not to remark on how em8arassing that was.  
  
She's poking her tongue out the side of her mouth in her concentr8tion, and I feel my heart do something. I don't know what it is though. 8ut her hair, something a8out her hair is really...  
  
Why am I thinking a8out Terezi's HAIR???????? Ugh, we've 8een on this rock way too fucking long.  
  
8ut that doesn't change this feeling like. I don't. I don't want. This to end? I like having her here. It reminds me of 8etter times.

I miss when we were friends.  
I wish we could go 8ack to the way things were.  
...

She doesn't say anything. I think she's almost done. I want her to say something more than I want anything in the world, 8ut it's like she didn't hear me at all.  
  
Pro8a8ly 8est to pretend that's true. Wishing is for 8a8ies anyway. It's like they say, wish in one hand, excrete depleted nutrient mash in the other...  
  
With a final da8 of her finger she regards her work and nods, then picks up my prosthetic and repeats the process on it.  
  
Gotta change the topic to something less dramatic.

Do you regret 8lowing my arm off?

She hesit8s, a long tendril of slime dripping off her fingertip.

3XCUS3 M3  
Do you regret-  
1 H34RD WH4T YOU S41D VR1SK4, 1M MOR3 4M4Z3D YOU H4V3 TH3 G4LL TO 4SK M3  
So........  
Do you?  
R3GR3T 1S 4 CHUMPS G4M3  
1 M4D3 TH3 ONLY CHO1C3 TH4T M4D3 S3NS3 4T TH3 T1M3 4ND 1 DONT S33 TH3 PO1NT OF 4RGU1NG 4BOUT MOR4L1TY-  
I never said anything a8out morality.  
...  
1T W4S 1MPL13D

Her face looks different when she's working with her hands. She sniffs the air and exposes a tiny scowl.

WHY 4R3 YOU LOOK1NG 4T M3 L1K3 TH4T?  
Like what?  
L1K3 YOU'R3 ST4R1NG 4T TH3 D34D

The fires are long 8ehind us, 8ut the ash is still smeared across her cheeks. My lips curl into a vicious smile as I study the curv8ure of her kneeling 8ody.

I am simply luxuri8ing in the experience of having the legendary Neophyte Redglare tend to my wounds like a common j8de8lood.  
1F TH3R3 H4D B33N 4NY COMMON J4D3BLOODS L3FT 4L1V3 TO R3QU1S1T1ON, 1 4SSUR3 YOU 1 WOULD NOT H4V3 D3PR1V3D TH3M TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO SULLY TH31R H4NDS W1TH YOUR C3RUL34N S4NGU1N4T3.  
Hum8lest apologies, my venera8le legislacer8or, for proving such a classless inconvenience.

She scrapes away 8its of torn flesh with a small knife. It hurts, 8ut the pain is far less interesting than the play of moonlight on my captor's crimson spectacles, or the dance of tendons under her skin as she applies a stinging her8al sopor to the wound.

Of course, I do have to wonder why you don't just let me 8leed out.  
1T WOULD R3FL3CT POORLY ON MY R3CORD 1F YOU W3R3 TO 3XP1R3 B3FOR3 F4C1NG JUST1C3.  
Oh, well, we can't have _that_ can we?  
NO W3 C4N'T.

I grimace as she yanks out some stray de8ris from the stump. A spray of 8lood follows, casc8ing her pristine uniform and soft little hands a glistening 8lue. My laughter only just drowns out her frustr8ed sigh.

Oh dear, did I do that?  
>:[  
Can't help 8iology, I suppose.  
Although while we're at it, I may possess a surplus of _other_ 8odily fluids to relieve if you're in the mood to assist.  
1 TH1NK 1'LL P4SS.  
More's the pity.

Rather than fuss at her clothes the way I'd expect of a bureaucrat, this one takes it in stride and continues her work. Not the sheltered 8ook-keeping type, it seems.

Cool head under pressure, not afr8d to get your hands dirty. You've done this 8efore.  
D1D YOU TH1NK TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD S3ND 4 W3T-L1PP3D W1GGL3R TO BR1NG YOU 1N?  
It wouldn't 8e the first time.  
And 8efore you get too 8ig a head on those delic8 shoulders of yours, I would remind you how easy it is to underestim8 someone when you fail to consider that they might have in their employ a _fucking fire8reathing scale8east!_  
4ND Y3T UPST4RTS L1K3 YOU K33P M4K1NG TH3 S4M3 M1SC4LCUL4T1ON.  
Fear not, little teal-tinted dragon-tamer. Next time, you won't have such an easy go of it.  
COLOR M3 THR34T3N3D.  
Oh, 8ut I've already colored you 8lue. Shall I start a list?

Redglare 8arely seems to 8e noticing my 8ar8s now, as she applies some new neon confection to my shoulder.

You know, if it were me in those stylish red shoes I would never let some uppity little warlord hurl insults at me with such a8andon.  
THOS3 WHO 4R3 F1RST TO R3TR1BUT1ON 4R3 4LW4YS L4ST B3FOR3 TH3 V1CTORS.  
Cute. Did you get that from a nursery 8ook?  
YOUR 1NSULTS 4R3 R41N OFF 4 LUSUS'S GL1ST3N1NG T3RRORSP1N3S TO M3, M4RQU1S3.  
"Marquise"? You wound me!  
After all this penetr8ion, the least you could do is say my name.

For a fraction of a fraction of a second, her stony impartial facade 8r8ks with the merest hint of a smirk.

TH3Y TOLD M3 YOU W3R3 D4NG3ROUS.  
Glad to hear I live up to my reput8ion.

Her 8loody, glistening hand reaches under my chin and tilts my head up towards hers. I don't resist.  
  
We measure each other up with every sense we can manage. I'm certain she can feel the shallowness of my 8reath, the rapid drumline in my chest. My smile soars against the struggling canvas of her conflicted expression.

Come now, Redglare. It can't 8e _that_ difficult a choice.

She leans in so much that our lips have a gulf of mere atoms separ8ing them. Her anger at me, her rage, her mor8id curiosity, her lust, it's all so close to the surface.  
  
I'm o8sessed.

It's 8een so long since anyone 8ested me, I almost forgot how it felt at the end of an equal's 8lade.  
4ND NOW YOU L1V3 4T MY M3RCY.  
Indeed I do.  
Such a hopeless vulnera8ility would render lesser trolls into a shameful mess of mercy-8egging.  
NOT YOU THOUGH.  
Not me.  
You won that 8attle fair and square, and unlike the endless parade of cowards whose corpses I've left at the 8ottom of the sea I respect the rules of this little game we play.  
1 DOUBT TH4T'S TRU3.  
Why would I deceive my captor when she could kill me without a thought?  
D3C3PT1ON 1S TH3 F1RST TOOL 3V3RY CR1M1N4L WORTH TH31R BR34TH L34RNS TO W13LD.  
Oh, 8ut I'm so much more than a criminal, my dear.  
And you're so much more than the pet killer of His "Honora8le" Tyranny's court.  
To my surprise, I find myself quite keen on finding out how _much_ more.

She hesit8s, suspended at a crossroads of possi8lities. Is she gravit8ing closer against her will? I think she must-  
  
She stands up with no small amount of frustr8ion, and I make a theatrical little noise of disapproval as she goes.

YOU'R3 NOT GO1NG TO D13 B3FOR3 W3 4RR1V3 4T COURT.  
Not of 8lood loss, perhaps.

I gesture down at my 8lossoming arousal, and she scowls.

VULG4R FUCK1NG P1R4T3.  
That's rather the idea.  
>:[  
:::;)

I laugh as she storms away, laugh str8t down to my gut so loud and full it echoes through space and time with the force of a thunderclap.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
there are clouds like anvils  
flashing 8right white  
filling the air with explosions  
and electricity on my skin.  
  
I am 8live.

why r u doin this?

her voice is  
so weak  
so confused.  
  
nothing like this storm.  
  
nothing like me.

juney please-

(((I don't want to hurt Roxy I love Roxy)))

I do not think  
this is how  
either of us  
expected our night to go.  
yeah no shit!

(((I don't want to hurt anyone I just)))

I did not want  
to hurt anyone roxy.  
I have never wanted  
to hurt anyone.  
well u arent doin a great job of showin it!  
no.  
I guess  
I am not.

(((if I can just explain this to her may8e she'll understand)))  
  
I look down  
at my arm  
and up  
at the tower  
and I feel the rain 8egin.

I am going  
to destroy this 8uilding.  
wut  
I said  
I am going  
to destroy this  
i fuckin heard u juney!!  
look i know the crocker hqs a fugly ass buildin but why wud u-   
8ecause I can.  
...  
cuz u can  
8ecause I can.  
wow luv 2 b edgy w/ the gals on a thursday nite  
lets get sauced n gossip abt how evil we r while we plan a fuckin murder spree!  
so how r u gonna do it, u got some secret mind powers u 8nt told me about?  
oh  
no  
nothing like that.

I close my fist  
and hold out my arm  
so that we 8oth can see  
how small  
and weak  
this flesh truly is.  
  
(((god I need to get out more I'm such a weenie)))

I am just going to punch it  
until it falls over.  
u  
ur  
ur gonna punch it  
yes.  
like with ur hand?  
thats correct.  
wtf  
u planning to b here all night workin on that or?  
actually roxy  
I suspect  
it will not t8ke very long at all.  
uhuh  
junebug i know ur like really on some shit right now but come tf on  
u cant just-  
cant?  
yes! cant!  
u cant just knock over a skyscraper w ur fists!  
no.  
of course not.  
that is all  
any of you  
ever really care a8out.  
what can 8e done.  
what cant 8e done.  
do you really think  
that those rules  
are real?  
im just sayin theres like a million better ways to knock over a building n most of em dont involve breaking ur fuckin fingers  
are you  
are you giving me advice right now??

she sweeps my legs with a kick  
and then springs to her feet  
readying her own fists.  
  
when she strikes  
her 8low lands square on my cheek.  
  
(((ow ow ow ow ow holy fuck she hits hard)))

roxy  
that hurt.

she swings again  
hitting me  
(((stop it!!!!!!!!)))  
on the other side  
and I fall  
to my knees.

i dont know what happened to u juney but i cant let u do this  
you  
you hurt me roxy.  
u killed ppl!!!! u killed ppl i  
_we_ cared about!!!!!  
u out of ur goddam MIND egbert????  
wtf is WRONG with you??!

(((what the fuck is wrong with me)))  
(((why am I doing this)))  
(((why are you making me do this????????)))

I dont know what is wrong with me, roxy.  
I dont know why I am doing this.  
thats just it  
I dont think there is a reason.

I stand up  
and when she tries to hit me again  
I 8r8k her arm.

fuck!!!!!  
Im sorry.  
fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!  
Im sorry.

roxy takes a step 8ackwards  
and she slips  
on the wet concrete  
and falls on the ground.  
  
she looks up at me  
and I am gr8ful  
that I cannot tell if she is crying.

plz  
please what.  
plz stop  
please stop what.  
U KNOW WHAT JUNE, STOP ACTIN LIKE A CHILD!!  
actually I think  
we could all 8enefit  
from 8eing a little more childlike.  
omg u gotta no how crazy u sound right now  
if a child  
8ecame an adult  
without learning what that means  
you would think  
they were crazy too.  
wtf r u even talkin abt this is NONSENSE  
I am talking  
a8out ideas.

(((god I'm gonna 8e sick)))

my arm is meat  
and 8one  
and nerves  
while this tower is concrete  
and steel  
and rooted to the earth.

(((I drank too fucking much I'm gonna hurl)))

8ut actually none of that is true.  
8ecause everything  
from my arm  
to that 8uilding  
is just an idea.  
and when I look at this tower, with its clean glass and its shining lights  
all I see  
is the idea of a machine  
meant to crush people like us  
with a thousand little cuts  
every single day  
until we have no choice 8ut to 8elieve  
that this is how it has to 8e.  
8ut right now  
I am like a child  
in that I 8elieve  
that if I want to punch a 8uilding over  
then I can punch a fucking 8uilding over.  
jfc what was in that everclear this is totally unhinged  
ironically roxy  
at this particular moment  
I am more clear  
than I have ever 8een 8efore.

(((shit that was so lame)))

w  
was that a joke?  
r u tryin to make JOKES right now???  
I know  
it has 8een a while  
since we last hung out  
8ut have you really forgotten  
that at my roots  
I have always 8een a PR8NKSTER?

I smile at her  
8ut I think  
it is not  
a very reassuring gesture.  
the storm is on top of us now.  
(((I have an idea)))  
we are all ideas.  
(((8ut do I really want to do this?)))  
I really want to do this.  
(((what if)))  
(((what if this is wrong?)))  
I know that it is right  
8ecause it must 8e right  
8ecause if it is not right  
then that would make me  
a MONSTER.  
  
and I am not a monster.  
  
(((I just want everything to stop 8eing so LOUD)))  
  
I just want to  
  
(((when lightning strikes I scream 8ecause it's terrifying because we never had storms like this in Washington just wet 8lankets wringing themselves out for days at a time not these 8ig fucking monuments the first time I heard one I was alone in my 8edroom and sure I may have 8een an adult and a god and literally immortal 8ut I was so scared I hid in my closet and cried despite myself 8ecause I kept thinking how much it would hurt to 8e struck 8y lightning I kept thinking reality was gonna crum8le 8eneath me and not just the house 8ut the whole fucking universe and I kept thinking I wish someone was here I wish anyone was here I wish I didn't have to die alone I don't want to die alone 8ut I know that I deserve to die alone 8ecause no one could ever love this thing that I am and god I wish it weren't true I wish it weren't true I wish)))  
  
when lightning strikes  
I scream  
8ecause the fury  
of my voice  
in the cacophony  
of this moment  
is the closest thing to silence  
that I will ever know.  
  
(((I just want to 8e me)))  
  
my arm  
is on fire  
and it hurts  
so fucking much.  
  
(((I'm so scared)))  
  
8ut the tower is coming down.  
  
(((why am I doing this)))  
  
I am falling with it.  
  
(((I should never have called Rose)))  
  
the wind  
and the lightning  
curl around me  
directionless  
as I collapse  
into the patterns  
that will follow me  
until the day that I die.  
  
(((I should never have called Rose)))  
  
I am repeating myself.  
  
(((I should have just let myself disappear)))  
  
I will always repeat myself.  
  
(((they'll never accept me)))  
  
louder  
and louder  
every single time  
8ecause thats  
the only thing  
that makes it tolera8le.  
  
(((their love will always 8e conditional)))  
  
they want a good show  
with a good MONSTER.  
  
(((god I am so drunk)))  
  
they want me to 8leed  
for their amusement.  
  
(((I should text Terezi)))  
  
I only have  
so much 8lood to spare.  
  
(((I hope she's okay)))  
  
will they still care  
when the well runs dry?  
  
(((I hope she still loves me)))  
  
I am repeating myself  
louder  
and louder  
every single time  
8ecause thats the only thing  
that makes it tolera8le  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


for YOU.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Davepeta pulls their paw away from my heart, and suddenly I'm 8ack on their fucking kitchen floor.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < mrow!

aftershocks of dread wash over me like a 8ad dream, something just saw me, or it, _was_ me, or...

Jade: whats the diagnosis doctorpeta?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ummm!

they look at me, 8ut I can't meet their gaze. how can anyone answer that question? I can't even make sense of it, I feel like a million thoughts just happened in a second  
  
why do I feel so tired?

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well im defurnitely not _not_ convinced if thats what youre asking  
Jade: :/  
June: what just happened?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats a fucking grreat question  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you got a real stormy thinkpan thats fur sure  
June: well I could have told you that much.  
June: hey was I laying on my side wrong or something? my arm hurts.  
Jade: your... metal arm?

I shake my head and hold out my right-  
  
oh, no, yeah, that IS my metal arm isn't it?  
  
god now my head hurts. I put a hand to my temple and wince. something feels weird, kinda tingly, like-

Jade: WUH  
Jade: JUNE YOUR HAND  
June: huh?

I hold my hand out in front of me, and it's  
  
glowing?  
  
my hand is fucking glowing now. and it's sort of transpar pare-

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats not suppurrsed to happen  
Jade: NO SHIT DAVEPETA HER HAND IS SEE THROUGH NOW  
June: why doesn't this hurt  
June: wh  
Jade: we have to take her somewhere that isn't a dirty linoleum floor!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < like a hospurrtal?  
Jade: would they even know what to do aboutOH ITS SPREADING Jade: WHAT DO WE DO  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < lets take her to the mansion  
June: the... mansion?  
Jade: I DONT THINK WERE ANY BETTER EQUIPPED FOR WHATEVER THIS IS BUT SURE  
June: hold on what do you mean, what-

i'm 8linded, then it's pitch dark, and when I open my eyes I see  
  
dogs?

June: -mansion

everywhere dogs. 8ig ones, small ones, furry ones, bald ones, some on the... ceiling? and also one that is Jade

June: ...  
June: why is everything dogs  
Jade: ok now what do we do??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < get her on the couch  
June: why is everything... purple?  
Jade: which couch???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < the big one!

feel my 8ody lifted up but it's, like i'm not really here? i'm a8ove it or something,  
  
why am I so tired?  
  
their arms are on my body, it's uncomfortable, they didn't ask to have to deal with this. what am i even doing here? this is fucking embarassing, i came here to help and now they're having to put up with this shit. whatever this shit is. i wish i could just disappear and save them the  
  
No. No no no no no NO NO!! I've done this 8efore! I'm not LIKE this anymore! I'm 8etter now, I don't WANT to disappear, I DON'T want to die!!!!!!!! I'm here and I plan to stay  
  
8linking rapidly, currents of wind in my lungs through my chest just, swords are clashing, the ship is sinking, everything's getting

June: okay so  
June: I don't want to worry you guys, 8ut  
June: I think I might 8e having an episode

hear Jade and Davepeta saying something 8ut I can't understand. the dogs are 8lurry now. just their eyes are watching me. so many and all the same.  
  
somewhere else I hear,  
  
  
I hear music? is that  
  
  
  
  
  
it's a piano  
  
  
  
  
  
  
8ut it sounds wrong, like it's  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The human called June Egbert loses consciousness before she can complete her thought, though she will follow its trail regardless. As her body goes limp in the arms of the multiplicative entity known colloquially as Davepeta, we see the panic and confusion shared between them and Harbinger Silverbark. They do not know what is happening.

Jade: what the fuck is happening?????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i dont fucking know!!  
Jade: did you do something to her???????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i mean yeah i did the hearty thing into her memories and junk and idk maybe i was a little careless rooting around all up in her psychospherical sitmewation but  
Jade: careless????????!!?!?!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but its nothing i havent done a bajillion times befur!  
Jade: then why is this happening??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i dont know  
Jade: why is she GLOWING????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i dont know!!!  
Jade: oh god oh fuck  
Jade: this is what she looked like back when she was all "bluh bluh i want to disappear from reality bluh bluh"  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B//  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < that wasnt a very good impurrsonation jade  
Jade: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR ACTING CRITIQUE DAVEPETA  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < BXX  
Jade: ok what do we do  
Jade: can you dive back in and try to stop whatever the fuck that light is??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ill give it my best shot

They press their palm once more against June's chest, and we see them close their eyes despite the black-tinted radiation-dampening lenses on their face.  
  
A moment passes for Jade, as she brings one hand to her mouth and chews absently on a fingernail. An old habit, and one she'd thought abandoned long ago. It takes her aback when she realizes what she's doing because Jade has, for centuries, been in near-total control of her life and her body. It was only on returning to the world she trepidatiously calls home that she has begun to see fractions of that control erode day by day. It troubles her, and perhaps deep down she has some sense of how this correlates to the fact that the future for her and everyone she loves is, diplomatically speaking, less than bright.  
  
But she is above all else a woman of logic and science, albeit modified formulations of each as influenced by countless species and civilizations throughout the omniverse. Jade Harley knows to trust her gut, but she certainly does not trust vague portents of the subconscious and perhaps unwillingly compelled variety.  
  
It does not matter either way, because Jade has noticed now that June's otherworldly glow has ceased just in time for Davepeta to gasp and flutter into the air on their shimmering wings.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well thats fucked up!!  
Jade: you did it!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < d  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < did i??  
Jade: didn't you???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i dont know!  
Jade: well she stopped glowing so you must have done something!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i didnt do anything!  
Jade: so why isn't she-  
Jade: ok whats fucked up then???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < theres  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < something going the fuck on with her  
Jade: can you explain that more than not at all??????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < remempurr that cat from the epsilon confurderacy  
Jade: the one with the noses?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah that guy  
Jade: wait so you think shes possessed??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no no its not like that i just mean  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you know how that dude just gave off bad psychic energy vibes when he got mad or hungry  
Jade: yeah, because he was _possessed_ by a starving rage demon  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no im telling you its not-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok diffurent example, remempurr when we all took that day trip into the core of a mewtron star to rescue that plasma purrincess  
Jade: uhhh  
Jade: the one who called everyone sluts?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no the other plasma purrincess  
Jade: honeybird youre gonna have to be way more specific  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < holy shit crapping christ jade come on  
Jade: how is it my fault there were so many fucking plasma princesses trapped on neutron stars????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no this was diffurent im telling you  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it was maybe the third or second to last one?  
Jade: ummm  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it turned out the star was alive??  
Jade: hm  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < have i refurted to speaking in fucking crow now???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < caw caw caw  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < is that what youre hearing??  
Jade: im sorry!!!! im kind of panicky on account of my sister being UNCONSCIOUS AND MAYBE DYING OR EVIL so forgive me if my memorys a little fuzzy!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < look it was the five of us, you me dana vv and

They stop mid sentence, and both of them freeze as though a blasphemy just snuck its way into their congregation.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < the four of us i mean  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it was the four of  
Jade: UUUUUUUUUUUUGH  
Jade: god damn it davepeta!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im sorry  
Jade: what a fucking time to slip up like that!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i didnt mean to  
Jade: BARK  
Jade: BARK WOOF BARK BARK  
Jade: WHINE BARK AAAAAAAAAAH  
Jade: it doesnt matter ok!! you already said too much and you cant take it back so we just gotta deal with it!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B((  
Jade: i mean its not like weve spent the last several DECADES getting ready for this so we could avoid just casually fucking it up!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < jade...  
Jade: UGH  
Jade: look its not your fault  
Jade: i mean it IS and im still PEEVED AS HECK  
Jade: but its also this place  
Jade: earth c just fucking compels shit out of you whether you want it to or not  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B//  
Jade: whatever. whatever! thats jazz  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you know were not very good at jazz  
Jade: what better time than the present to GET good, scrub!  
Jade: sure peoples lives are on the line but that just means its high stakes jazz! learn on the job baby, fuck it were doing it LIVE  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < are you ok?  
Jade: no im not ok but it doesnt matter anymore so lets just move the fuck on!!!!!!!!  
Jade: where were we?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < plasma purrincesses  
Jade: RIGHT yes ok i remember the time youre talking about but im not sure i get the comparison  
Jade: do you think junes like the star and she wants to marry a slime girl  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no its nothing direct like that  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well i mean maybe shes into slime girls idk i guess i can check  
Jade: DEFINITELY not what i was asking!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < >B((  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < purrlease stop yelling at me jade  
Jade: <:x  
Jade: im so sorry babe im just on edge  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its ok me too but lets try to not fight over it  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < alright you know how the star kept repeating all that hokey oh ceaseless watcher of the eldritch old blood keep the hoary whatever the shit?  
Jade: i guess  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < mostly it was just stereotypical grimdark leviathan necrobabble but there was this one line that always stuck with me fur some reason  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it said something like  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < there was a dream in a dark place that spoke so loud a universe followed in its wake  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < and with it came the great cosmic eye who dreamt a dream of many dreams  
Jade: spooky  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < right  
Jade: so what the fuck does it mean?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < heck if i know  
Jade: then why is it relevant???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well fur one because right now junes heart is a spooknastily dark goshdamned place  
Jade: >:/  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no like literally dark  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < as in i couldnt see my paws even if i licked em right in furont of my face  
Jade: huh  
Jade: well thats not good  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < and fur two  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well im not a hundred purrcent sure but i swear i heard something real similar to that cosmic eye bs  
Jade: oh thats really not good  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nope  
Jade: so wait, did the nose guy talk about space eyeballs too?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but the _vibes,_ man  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < rancid as all get out and real similar to junes current thing  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < though now that im thinking about it nose dude may have said something eye related when i was giving him the exorcism  
Jade: wow that is very really not good  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah thats about where im at!  
Jade: ok so im not gonna lie this is sounding more and more like a textbook possession  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i know i know but im telling you  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < idk it just doesnt f33l like a purrssession to me  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nothings being imposed on her  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < even when she was remempurring her killing spr33 the asynchronicity of her thoughts was like  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i mean they s33med purretty typical of a vindictive drunk bitch to me!  
Jade: hey dont call her that  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < jade im sorry to be the one to tell you this but your sister is kind of a bitch  
Jade: no shes not!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yes she is and also im like a thousand purrcent sure shed take it as a compliment  
Jade:  
Jade: ok yeah youre right  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33  
Jade: hmmmm  
Jade: wait  
Jade: wait do you think this has something to do with the green signal?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B||  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < maybe???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i really doubt it though  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i mean we could run some tests but   
Jade: but we dont have time  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah...  
Jade: ugh  
Jade: great! fantastic! more vague unknowable threats waiting in the wings to completely fuck us over, why not!!

They look at each other, still awash in uncertainty. Though they often share tales that highlight their competence and clarity, the truth is that they are as prone to indecision as all mortal things.  
  
It is in this moment that Davepeta has a thought of the sort that they are known for, in other parts of the omniverse.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well now hold on just a second there pardner  
Jade: pardner? ._.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < weve got a whole heaping helping of purroblems on our plate that were looking at as sepurrate things  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < maybe the solution is to engineer some meowtherfucking synergy  
Jade: ok...  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < everyones wondering if junes gonna to turn out to be this big evil meownster but im not convinced  
Jade: what, like her bark is worse than her bite?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no her bite is really fucking bad  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats the thing  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shes not wrong that shes got a violent meowderfurenzy streak running a mile long  
Jade: :(  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < if it makes you f33l any better shes not happy about it  
Jade: most killers feel bad about the murders they do davepeta  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no no no im saying shes not a killer shes just a crazy chaotic mix of anger confursion repurressed meowmories clawma and immense and pawssibly apawcalyptic pawer that sometimes _accidentally_ does meowders  
Jade: ...apocalyptic :/  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < uhuh  
Jade: like what kind? weve seen a lot of apocalypses  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i mean i cant be sure but purrobably not the kind you can fix  
Jade: thats  
Jade: a bit of a leap dont you think? i mean sure retcon is scary but  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im not talking about retcon  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < not directly anyway  
Jade: then what are you talking about!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < jade she punched a fucking building over just by contrasting ideas in her head  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i know were sorta in the dark about what the shit retcon even IS but im purretty sure thats not on the list of side effects  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < _unless_ theres more going on under the surface than we understand which i think is like comically transpurrently obvious at this point  
Jade: well gosh glitterpuss this sure has fascinating lore implications but i still dont see what the fuck you-  
Jade: oh  
Jade: wait you aren't suggesting  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33  
Jade: really??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i know its not the plan but  
Jade: not the plan??  
Jade: this is the OPPOSITE of the plan!!!  
Jade: this is literally antithetical to the plan!!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < look the situations changed and i dont think thats gonna stop from keep happening constantly any time soon  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < and idk about you but im starting to think its clawfurly optimistic to assume we can juggle these shenanigans all on our lonesome  
Jade: no way!  
Jade: absolutely not!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre the one who said we gotta get good at jazz barkstronaut  
Jade: >:(  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im just saying  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < if she can punch a building over drunk imagine what she could do fur us if-  
Jade: no!  
Jade: no fucking way, davepeta!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im not saying we _make_ her do anything!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but if whats driving her batty is a lack of purrpaws and its putting everyone else at risk with her unpurredictable nature then _why not-_   
Jade: this isnt why we came back here! you know this isnt why we came back here  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < we didnt come here to spill the beans about vv to meowtherfucking calliopurr either  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < at least with june we can control what she knows so she doesnt-  
Jade: under no circumstances!!  
Jade: are you hearing me????  
Jade: the minute we start treating our friends like recruits  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < theyre gonna become recruits sooner or later anyway!!!  
Jade: ENOUGH  
Jade: i will not use my own family just because its convenient!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hasnt stopped you befur

Jade's mouth hangs open as Davepeta's cruel words drift to the floor like ash. This is not the first time they have had this kind of argument, as their diverging attitudes toward the terrestrial concept of "family" and the deployment of those categorized therein have long been a source of tension.  
  
They realize what they have said, and their annoyance gives way to guilt.

Jade: ;_;  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i shouldnt have said that  
Jade: no  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im sorry jade  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im really sorry to be mean like that its just  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you k33p acting like our furiends are exempt from whats coming and its exclusively made our lives worse  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i know its not the plan and i dont like it any more than you do but eventmewally this gambits gonna get somebody killed if we dont catch up to-  
Jade: just leave us alone  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im just saying-  
Jade: i hear what youre saying and i am asking you to leave me alone with my fucking sister!!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B((  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im gonna go finish setting up the array back home  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i love you  
Jade: ...

The four-times prototyped universe engine sprite disappears, leaving the parlor decidedly less lit in their wake. Silverbark holds June Egbert's hand and watches as her sister mutters wordlessly.

Jade: im so sorry june

Her apology is sincere, but apologies are cheap.  
  
We pull back, away from this uprooted mansion adrift in space and towards the place between places where dreams can sometimes be found wandering like lost children.  
  
We are drawn by the sound of music, and so we find the spectral manifestation of June Egbert cautiously wading through imagined reeds as she seeks the song's musician. It is humid but cool, the water around her ankles somehow thicker than it ought to be. Trudging forward, June thinks to herself,  
  
all I hear is wind beneath the piano, cutting across all this tall grass in a weird whistling backing track to the sad song being played up ahead. it feels so heavy. I know I was somewhere a second ago 8ut I just need to see-  
  
whoever's playing is stiff and their piano desper8ly needs tuning, but the music's cutting right through me anyway. they'd 8e so good if they would just get their instrument looked at! if I can find them, maybe-  
  
up ahead I see... is that a fucking circus tent? like a big 8eige circus tent just out here in the middle of this- what is this, a swamp? a river? I don't even _know_ where I am 8ut who gives a shit because the music is coming from inside the tent and I have to see   
  
I know this song. why do I know this song?  
  
it makes me think of summer days as a little kid playing piano while dad was in the kitchen cooking dinner. remem8er this wild light 8ouncing off our floor to fill the room with a glow that was so present there just weren't shadows anymore.  
  
as I push the door open, I see the 8right insides of my childhood home. I can hear dad cooking something, I can smell it from here. he's whistling like he always does. why did I forget a8out his whistles?  
  
my heart is pounding as I step inch 8y inch towards the salon doors. I can hear music from the parlor but that can wait, I just want to see him. 8ut what do I say? it's me, dad. I'm your daughter now.  
  
what if he doesn't recognize me? what if he disowns me? it's always so hard to tell what he's thinking and I know he only wants the 8est for me but the _what if_ is so paralyzing. I don't know if I can take it if he flys off the fucking handle at me, I 8arely have a hold on this gender thing myself! hand in front of the swinging doors, I should just go 8ack to my room and play some minesweeper or something, it's not worth the trou8le, it's not worth the possibility of his disapproval, I want him to understand but what if, what if, what if-  
  
I swallow hard and push into the kitchen.  
  
it's empty. it's dark. there are no appliances, no chairs, no anything, why-  
  
we moved out. of course there's nothing here. the city said they were gonna turn this place into a museum 8ut I guess they haven't really gotten on that yet. what did I expect, coming here? there are no hidden secrets, no forgotten o8jects that'll dislodge some desperately needed memory from my scrambled fucking thinkpan. it's just a house. it was always just a house.  
  
the music stops, and I hear frantic footsteps 8ehind me. the front door is open, who was that, I have to know- I follow and lean outside, but there's no one anywhere. no one in the street or the reeds. whoever it was playing the piano, they got away.  
  
piano? I am8le back inside and into the parlor, and sure enough everything else is gone BUT the piano. didn't this get moved? I can't remem8er. it's weird that they'd leave it here when everything else we left behind got moved. 8ut looking at it, I think this house needs music. so I slide into place at the 8ench and brush my hands over the keys. they're dusty, must not have been played in years. I strike a few notes and, as expected, it's painfully out of tune. it's always sad to see an instrument go neglected like this for so long. abandoned and forgotten. I should take this home with me and get someone to fix it up, give it a new coat of paint, a new life.  
  
who am I kidding, I'd never play it anyway. it'd just collect more dust and go out of tune again and I'd wind up feeling 8ad the way I always do when I can't keep up with my hobbies.  
  
it's 8een so long since I played. I wonder if I still remember...  
  
my fingers move into position. strike a few explor8ory notes. after a few false starts it suddenly just _happens,_ this song I always used to play. the one song I ever really learned.  
  
dad gave me piano lessons 8ut I was never very good. didn't like the teacher, didn't like sticking to sheet music. my mind always wandered too much. mostly I just wanted to make noise. one time on 8r8k I sat there at this class piano while other kids were eating lunch and struck each key one 8y one in order, holding down the sustain pedal. it was so loud and discordant I couldn't think of anything else and it was so fucking peaceful to just fall wholesale into this ruthless cacaphony. then the teacher shook my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin 8ecause I forgot there were other people in the room, forgot there even _was_ a room, forgot everything except that noise. apparently the teacher had been yelling at me to stop for a few minutes, and I wasn't allowed to use the class piano on 8reaks after that.  
  
i tried to recreate that feeling at home 8ut dad got mad at me if I 8ashed the keys aimlessly for too long. so I made this tune, this basic little arpeggio, not that I knew what the fuck an arpeggio was back then, and I just kept adding to it over time. I tried to play other things 8ut nothing else felt as comforta8le so I always wound up playing it over and over and over. sometimes dad got mad at me for that, too, just playing the same song over and over and again. never like screaming mad, just that kind of terse frustr8ion as he asked me to go to my room or outside or anywhere else for a 8it. it took me a long time to learn that some people don't appreci8 monotony. most people, in fact, get really fucking sick of it really fucking fast. not me, though. there's a comfort in patterns. safety in repeating what you know "add infinity" or whatever the saying is.  
  
I always liked the idea of 8eing a musician. what if I'd stuck to it? could I have 8een one of those hoity toity concert pianists if I hadn't felt so guilty a8out only playing the one tune? could 8lame dad for getting annoyed at me 8ut like objectively I was an annoying kid sometimes. he did his 8est. really it's my own fault for 8eing so susceptible to other people's judgment. may8e if I didn't care so much what other people thought of me...  
  
there's so many things I could have 8een, and instead I'm nothing. I'm in my old house just playing this sad piano crying. and I want to stay here. I'd rather just waste away in this dark little memory of a home than keep failing at everything else. I'm not very good at this song 8ut I still know it, still wraps me up like a warm 8lanket.  
  
this makes sense. this is the only thing that makes sense to me.  
  
I hear the groan of the metal springs in the salon doors and 8olt up out of my seat. sometimes I can't sleep so I come down here to play and I try not to lose myself but I guess I fucked that up too cause I'm not supposed to 8e in here, dad's trying to sleep, he's gonna 8e so mad at me, I'm just gonna run outside and hide-  
  
press up against the tree, panting, as he leans out and makes a meek attempt at looking for me. something seems different about him 8ut I know it's just the night playing tricks. finally he closes the door and goes 8ack in. made it. a8scond successful.  
  
of course now I'm just outside with nowhere to go. may8e not the best plan? it's so cold here at night. I wish someone was here to keep me warm. I wish Terezi were here. where is she, anyway? we were supposed to go out together today and I'm just stuck here on my own.  
  
why isn't she here?  
  
something is curling up tight in my chest 8ecause I don't know where she is. why isn't she here? does she h8te me now for- god I don't even know what I did 8ut I'm sure I must have done SOMETHING and I've gotta 8e able to fix it, right? if I can just find her I can tell her how sorry I am, I didn't mean it, please just take me 8ack, I can't do this on my own again, please  
  
where is she? why isn't she here????????  
  
  
may8e she's  
  
  
  
I  
  
  
  
  
I open my eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
she's not here. I wanted her to 8e sleeping next to me in our bed but she's not here. I'm reaching out for her, 8ut there's just empty air beside me. the gears in my fingers whir as I gra8 at nothing and fuck I miss her so much.   
  
my vision 8lurs, pull my knees up to my chest, these em8arassing little sounds eke out of me, these fucking whimpers, I'm WHIMPERING 8ecause she isn't here and she should 8e here and now I'm saying

June: I miss you  
June: why aren't you here??

over and over, god I'm so fucking alone here, I'm so useless without her. I have to tell her how sorry I am, if I can just say the right words and mean them then she'll see that it's okay and understand that sure I fucked up 8ut I know what I did wrong and I won't do it again, I hear myself again

June: please please just come 8ack-

8ut I can't finish the sentence 8efore my throat fills up with sobs, and I scream into this weirdly stiff little pillow. my whole 8ody hurts. she was so close only a couple days ago and now, who knows! who knows where she is! who knows what she thinks??? I have to text her, I have to let her know, may8e this is what I deserve and we're done and that's that 8ut the least she can do is tell me, I just want to KNOW one way or the other so I can stop drowning in all this fucking uncertainty  
  
turn around on the 8ed and try to find my phone in my inventory 8ut I don't know, I check my pockets 8ut my pockets are... wrong?? why are  
  
and like a switch it just stops. all the emotion is out of me and I'm staring up at another unfamiliar ce-  
  
wait this isn't my 8edroom. why am I on a couch? where the fuck-  
  
oh god, all of that other shit _happened!_ screaming, passing out, passing out again, laughing villainously, and I think I punched Jade in the fucking face?? oh shit I defin8ly did that huh. wow I  
  
I sit up on the couch. it's nice upholstered leather, the color of red velvet cake. glance down at the pillow I was just screamcrying into and see the gross wet impression of my face imposed on the em8roidered image of a prancing pomeranian.  
  
oh my god.  
  
what a fucking _dum8_ pillow.  
  
stop panicking June, jeez, just 8reathe. fucking hell this day is so absurd.   
  
the pillow is so gross and stupid looking now that I can't help 8ut laugh-  
  
lights flash on AHHHH FUCKING 8LIND now there's a ro8ot towering over me with a fucking cannon aimed at my face???

Robot: IDENTIFY YOURSELF  
June: what the fuck!  
Robot: IDENTIFY YOURSELF  
June: come on man I JUST woke up  
Robot: IDENTIFY YOURSELF  
June: I really don't have a gr8 history with ro8ots or weapons 8eing pointed in my face so could you just like  
Robot: YOU ARE TRESPASSING  
Robot: IDENTIFY YOURSELF  
June: yeah I fucking heard you the first fifty times!!!  
June: my name's June, I'm Jade's-  
Robot: SUBJECT JUNE NOT FOUND  
Robot: YOU ARE TRESPASSING  
June: wow no shit? guess I 8etter hit the old dusty trail and leave you to it then-  
Robot: NEGATIVE  
Robot: ALL TRESPASSERS ARE TO BE CAPTURED AND RECALIBRATED  
June: the fuck does that meHEY

it gra8s my hands so fast I can't even react, it's got my arms locked 8ehind my back with cuffs now and I am REALLY frustr8ed

June: come on I really don't want to destroy one of Jade's ro8ots!!  
June: that, uh  
June: she has now, apparently!!!!!!!!  
Robot: YOU ARE TO BE hello?  
June: ...uh  
June: hi?  
Robot: hello! did this thing get any needles in yov?  
June: I... don't think so?  
Robot: good, got here jvst in time  
Robot: hold on a tick k?

the ro8ot uncuffs me and rolls a few feet away. now that my eyes have mostly adjusted and it's not right up in my 8usiness, I see the 8ot looks like a tin cereal 8ox stuck to a single wheel like something out of a fucking 1960's hannah barbera cartoon.  
  
which is honestly way less lame than Dirk's shitty bro8ots. at least this thing looks stupid in a fun way.

Robot: sorry abovt that, they always forget to add visitors to the permissions list  
Robot: maybe if they vtilized their *own facilities* more often-  
June: they?  
Robot: silverbark and the knightrogve of covrse  
June: knightro-?  
June: oh davepeta, gotcha. so are you like an AI or something?  
Robot: pffff i fvcking wish  
Robot: my name^s Lenore, i help monitor the legion^s secvrity protocols  
Lenore: what^s yovr name?  
June: uh. legion?  
Lenore: yovr name^s legion?  
June: no I'm-  
June: I'm asking you, what legion?  
Lenore: ....  
Lenore: yyyyov *svre* the secvrity drone didn^t get any needles in yov?  
June: yeah I'm pretty fucking sure!  
Lenore: hrmmmm  
Lenore: if yov vh, don^t mind me asking  
Lenore: the fvck are yov *doing* here?  
June: you tell me.  
Lenore: well *that^s* a disconcerting response  
June: I'm serious, I have no idea what this place is.  
June: I was having a really fucking 8ad day and I guess Jade 8rought me here to  
June: take a nap???  
June: and that's literally everything I know.  
Lenore: well ain^t that a hell of a thing  
Lenore: so how do yov not know....  
Lenore: and why would she bring someone here who doesn^t-  
Lenore: oh  
Lenore: *OH*  
Lenore: yov mvst be one of the-  
Lenore: yov^re one of her *old* friends right?  
June: firstly I don't appreci8 how much you emphasized the word "old" just now, I'm not even 23.  
June: and yeah, for the second time, my name's June.  
Lenore: sorry, i wasn^t on this feed yet when it asked yovr name  
Lenore: ok i^ll go ahead and add yov to the permissions list so this doesn^t happen again then i^ll leave yov alone  
Lenore: jvst vh  
Lenore: don^t tell silverbark i talked to yov k?  
June: wait, why?  
Lenore: jvst trvst me on this one  
June: I don't even know who you are!  
Lenore: yeh and its best we *keep it* that way

the ro8ot starts to wheel away again 8ut I jump up and grab one of its squishy tinfoil arms.

June: please, can you just tell me what's going on?  
June: what legion?? why "recalibr8ion"???  
Lenore: yov  
Lenore: *really* don^t know?  
June: o8viously I don't!!!!!!!!  
Lenore:  
Lenore:  
Lenore:  
June: ...hello?!  
Lenore:  
Lenore: i^m sorry bvt i really can^t-  
June: oh my GOD, again with the fucking secrets!  
June: why can't you just-  
Lenore: becavse if i *jvst* anything with yov i^m gonna get in *at least* twelve different shades of trovble!!  
Lenore: i sympathize with yovr plight, vh-  
June: JUNE.  
Lenore: -jvne, bvt i^ve got my own shit going on and i can^t afford to toss all that in the fvcking waste container jvst to play 20 qvestions with some random hvman!   
June: 8ut can't you at least-  
June: UGH.  
June: fine! fine. whatever.  
Lenore: sorry....  
June: don't worry a8out it. thanks for saving my life I guess.  
June: it was nice to meet you, Lenore. have a good night.  
Lenore:  
Lenore:   
Lenore: hrmmmm  
June: is there something else? I thought we were done.  
Lenore:   
Lenore:  
Lenore:  
Lenore: do yov  
Lenore:  
June: do I...?  
Lenore: do yov trvst them?  
June: uh  
June: Jade and Davepeta?  
Lenore: silverbark and the knightrogve, yes  
June: of course I do.  
June: I mean, I dunno, they fuck up sometimes 8ut like who doesn't-  
Lenore: "fvck vp" lmfao  
Lenore: look don^t take this the wrong way cavse i know she^s yovr friend and everything, bvt  
Lenore: i wovld ***highly encovrage you*** to interrogate that trvst  
June: wh  
June: what?  
Lenore:   
Lenore: sorry  
Lenore: i really shovldn^t have said that, i^m sorry  
June: what do you mean???  
Lenore: oh hell, radiation spike  
Lenore: please jvne, we never had this conversation k????  
June: I-  
June: sure, fine, okaAAAA!!  
Robot: YOU ARE TRESPASSING  
Robot: PREPARE TO BE

there's a *pop* to my right, and Jade snaps a finger to make the ro8ot disappear. my eyes still hurt from adjusting to the light, 8ut I think Jade is smiling.

Jade: shit i completely spaced on putting your name on the permissions list!!!  
Jade: you ok??????  
June: um  
June: is this a prank?  
Jade: is  
Jade: is what a prank  
June: like that was you, right? on the

Jade tilts her head to the side. something in her eyes, the way she squints just a 8it. I don't know what it is, 8ut

June: sorry, I had the weirdest fucking dreams and then I woke up with a ro8ot in my face which was defin8ly not NOT triggering? so if I seem god damn incoherent thats why  
Jade: D:  
Jade: im so so so so so so so sorry!!!!   
June: honestly this shit 8arely even registers anymore. at least you showed up right on time to save my ass, as always.  
Jade: well glad i could at least get that much right  
June: your, uh  
June: your 8ruise is looking better.  
Jade: no thanks to you :p

she plops down next to me on the couch as I ru8 my eyes. part of me just wants to fucking ask her a8out Lenore outright, 8ut...

June: HOLD THE FUCK UP  
Jade: :o  
June: JADE  
June: WHAT ON _EARTH_ ARE YOU WEARING????????

I point at her white tailored suit and SPARKLING TOP HAT? HELLO???? how did I not notice this immedi8ly????????

Jade: actually were not on earth  
June: I DON'T CARE A8OUT THAT RIGHT N-  
June: WAIT WHY THE FUCK AREN'T WE ON-  
June: NO I DON'T CARE A8OUT THAT RIGHT NOW, ARE THESE THE CLOTHES THAT YOU SLEEP IN??  
Jade: hehehehehe no sometimes fashion just happens to me!  
June: :|  
June: I choose to accept this explanation 8ecause I'm literally like one enigma away from going compl8ly ape shit.  
Jade: then lets change the subject!  
Jade: whatd you dream about??  
June: oh no, no way, there's nothing more 8oring than someone trying to explain what happened in their dreams!  
Jade: :/  
June: I 8arely even remember it anyway. I think someone was playing piano? and there was a tent...  
June: whatever. how long did I sleep?  
Jade: its been a good while, you were REALLY out of it  
June: clearly

I dig around in my pockets for my phone, 8ut... oh yeah, my pockets are gone still? what the fuck is up with tha- oh there it is, it's on the coffee ta8le. as I pick it up I feel this awful little tinge of excitement hoping to see messages from Terezi, 8ut when I turn on the screen, there's nothing. just a few spam emails, something from an app game I keep forgetting to delete, and like a hundred messages from Dave. so, the usual.  
  
finally glance at the time and it's  
  
**FRIDAY, 4/12**

June: holy shit it's like 6 am!  
Jade: mhmm  
June: why'd you let me sleep all day???  
Jade: because you really fucking needed it is why, dumpass  
June: uuuuuuuugh 8ut I was supposed to get so much stuff done!  
June: my 8irthday party is in two days and I haven't even-  
June: wait, fuck, it's tomorrow now!  
June: that means my 8irthday is only ONE day away!!!!!!!!  
Jade: is that really the most pressing thing in your life at the moment?  
June: YES!  
June: well okay no 8ut like, it is the one normal non foreboding thing I have to hold on to.  
June: god what did I even DO yesterday? I wasted it 8eing angsty and weird on your kitchen floor!  
Jade: june, you started glowing like you were about to disappear from reality again  
June: holy shit what?  
June: did I really???  
Jade: yeah!!!! it freaked us out a lot!  
June: oh god I'm so sorry  
Jade: no its not your fault im just trying to say you shouldnt be mad at yourself for having a really bad time and needing to take a nap on someones couch!  
June: yeah...  
June: yeah I guess.  
June: hey where's DavepetAAAAAAAA

they appear directly in front of me so suddenly I would've flown all the way off the 8ack of the couch if Jade wasn't there to catch me

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < sup  
June: stop doing that!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < >B33  
June: seriously guys you're gonna give me a heart attack with all this popping in and out and-  
June: AND WHAT IS IT WITH YOU TWO AND THE FUCKING FASHION TODAY????????

I throw 8oth my arms out at Davepeta's striped sweater and purple skirt what the SHIT is that SILK why are those fishnets GLOWING

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < oh you know sometimes furshion just-  
June: NUH UH. NO WAY.  
June: DON'T YOU DARE SAY FASHION JUST FUCKING HAPPENS TO YOU.  
June: FASHION DOESN'T JUST _HAPPEN_ TO ANYONE!   
Jade: maybe not to you  
June: what is THAT supposed to mean????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shes implying your wardrobe might leave something to be-  
Jade: i can speak for myself, davepeta.

Davepeta's grin slips. I actually don't think I've ever seen them not smiling??? everyone really is on one today, huh? 

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so june, you ready to talk about your busted ass mind???  
June: you're really gonna stonewall me on the fashion thing  
Jade: i think she should probably sleep some more before we get it into it again-  
June: well 8etween the robot and the zapping I'm feeling pretty god damn awake right now, and it's not like I've got anything 8etter to do.  
Jade: are you sure?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < she sounds purretty sure  
Jade: >:(  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < >B((  
June: uh  
June: you guys doing okay? you seem a little...  
June: tense.

they 8oth glare at me simultaneously and suddenly I feel VERY ganged up on

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < gimme a list of people who arent grumpurry at six in the meowrning so i can learn their secrets  
Jade: yeah june us old crones need time to wake up 8efore we can be sociable  
June: uhh,  
June: fine, okay, you got me, I'm wrong a8out everything as always.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < happens to the best of us  
June: actually while we're on the su8ject of me being compl8ly fucking clueless, can we 8ack up for like _a second_ to address the big purple dog in the room?

Jade looks from side to side and then points to herself.

Jade: me? <:o  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i think she means all the other dogs  
Jade: phew!

I gesture wildly around at the grey and purple upholstered walls, dark wood floors, what looks like Victorian-style furniture, and of course the just LUDICROUS quantity of framed dog portraits on almost every surface, I mean my god they're _everywhere._

June: what in the actual fuck IS this place????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < the mansion  
June: >:(  
Jade: its one of our bases  
June: one of?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well yeah the omniverse is like really fucking huge  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you think we just stick all our stuff in one place like a couple of normies?  
June: I... kinda just assumed you had like a 8ottomless holding bag or something.  
Jade: oh yeah we got loads of those but theyre no replacement for shelves  
June: I do love a good shelf...  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < dont we all

they 8rush some dirt off the front of their skirt and again I'm fix8ed on their clothes, they really do seem otherworldly- actually they proba8ly are since they've been to a ton of other worlds? huh

June: okay seriously though why did you guys put on such fancy clothes at 6 am, that's like LEGITIM8LY psychopath 8ehavior.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < pfff  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < who puts on clothes  
June: everyone????????  
June: you specifically, like, right now????????  
Jade: its the automatic wardrobifier! :D  
June: ...  
June: wow I really should have fucking guessed that, huh.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < mmmmmmmmm purrobably  
June: so does it pick out random stuff on shuffle, or-  
June: wait.

my pockets. my pockets were wrong. 

June: hold on, am I-

oh god these aren't my clothes what is this I finally look down at myself oH NO

June: AM I WEARING A DRESS??

yeah that's defin8ly what I'm doing right now! a knee length, loose fitting floral number with 8lue and green roses!!!!  
  
I start to stand up 8ut Jade keeps me in place

June: why am I wearing a dress?  
Jade: you reaaaaaaaaaaally shouldnt be getting up until we know for sure you dont have a concussion  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < how long has it b33n like half a day? shes purrobably fine  
Jade: "probably fine" isnt exactly a sterling medical diagnosis!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hey im just saying  
June: WHY AM I WEARING A DRESS????????  
Jade: uh  
Jade: thats a good question actually!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < dont look at me  
Jade: i dunno, sometimes it gets a wild hair- OUCH stop kicking me in the shins!!!  
June: I'll stop kicking you in the shins when you make me stop 8e wearing a dress right now!!!!!!!!

I struggle against her 8ecause I really don't want to 8e wearing this I REALLY DON'T 8ut she's surprisingly strong and her shins are way sturdier than I expected so I just, I give up and go kinda limp, and she sets my head on the fucking pomeranian pillow which I pull over my entire face 8ecause I don't know if I'm crying again 8ut if this shit keeps up I'm DEFIN8LY GONNA START and I would like to keep my snot contamin8ion to a minimum

Jade: calm down sis!  
June: (just put me 8ack in my old clothes please)  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B??  
June: (please???)  
Jade: june, whats-  
June: (I LOOK LIKE A MAN IN A DRESS OKAY)  
Jade: come on i think you look cute  
June: (THIS ISN'T DEB8 CLUB JADE)  
June: (I'M NOT IRONICALLY SELF-DEFEC8ING RIGHT NOW)  
June: (I GENUINELY FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH WHEN I'M WEARING A DRESS SO PLEASE JUST USE YOUR MAGICAL SCIENCE SHIT TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES BEFORE I EITHER VOMIT OR STRIP NAKED IN YOUR STUPID FUCKING PARLOR)  
June: (may8e both)  
Jade: technically its a drawing room  
June: (AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!)

Davepeta smashes a 8utton on the wall and I feel something different on my skin, so I peek down from 8etween my fingers and it's  
  
well they're not my original clothes 8ut I guess a loose grey tanktop and black leggings aren't the worst.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < sorry sometimes it kinda eats what you were wearing when you came in

loooooooong loud sigh as my muscles untense and I sit up from yet another pu8lic screamcrying session.

June: whatever  
June: they were trash clothes anyway  
Jade: :(  
June: so yeah, uh. for the record. dresses trigger my dysphoria  
June: really fucking 8ad, obviously  
June: sorry I snapped at you and preemptively ruined the like  
June: wacky clothes hijinks we could have had  
June: leave it to me to turn every fun thing into an emotional 8r8kdown  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nyah fuck that your bodily automeowny is hells of more impurrtant than hijinks  
June: thanks Davepeta  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33

feel Jade's hand take mine, I look at her and she seems mournful. 8ut also kinda smiling? like a sad happy thing

Jade: so much for us playing dressup huh?  
June: the pro8lem isn't the dressing up, it's that it happened while I was asleep  
Jade: im really sorry june  
Jade: i honestly forgot we even had it installed here  
June: it's okay I guess  
June: so now that the "ceaselessly clowning on June" portion of the morning is done can you guys just like  
June: I don't know  
June: tell me straight up where we are and what we're doing here so I can stop freaking out constantly  
June: personally that just sounds swell  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its a big spooky mansion we found in a dead splintpurr universe so we fixed it up and put it in space  
June: as you do  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its funny you mention clowning since it used to be stuffed to the gills with clown shit  
Jade: yeah it was real bad  
June: proba8ly explains why it was abandoned  
Jade: turns out its got a really convenient relationship with the flow of spacetime too which makes it perfect for reconnaissance  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < not to mention loads of storage space  
Jade: oh yeah, you can never have enough storage  
June: I can fit most of what I own in like,  
June: two 8oxes  
June: so I literally cannot rel8  
June: see, look at this. we're actually having a convers8ion like normal adults. isn't this nice?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah its alright  
Jade: i think its lovely  
June: hell yeah, score one for the concept of not acting like an anime villain all the fucking time  
June: so why'd you 8ring me here anyway?  
Jade: yeah davepeta why DID you bring us here?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < uh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it was the closest place i could think of with furniture?  
June: ::::0  
June: >::::0  
June: what's wrong with my house??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < whats wrong with the mansion  
Jade: we can go to your house if you want june  
June: Jade  
June: I am currently in a spacefaring victorian dog zone that may or may not 8e a portal to clown hell  
June: why would I _ever_ want to go 8ack to my house?  
Jade: :p  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so while i love expurrsition as much as the next kitty cat and i dont wanna pounce on the fun like a hungry predator in the night  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but we do in fact got business  
June: ugh  
June: yeah I fucking guess  
June: so did I prove anything to you yesterday or was it a complete wash?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hmmmmmmmmm  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats tbd tbf  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < your meowmories are all bl33ding together like cream in a bowl of cream which is never a supurr great sign  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < also some of your meowmories are litpurrally impawssible for you to have beclaws vriska defurnitely wouldnt of had them? so thats fucking weird  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < then theress whatever the eff that self aware business was at the end there  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < any guesses on that furont?  
June: I,  
June: uh  
June: am not even really sure I know what you're talking a8out!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B||  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok cool so im gonna need to break out the big guns fur this one  
June: I assume you mean figur8ively  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < now im usually purretty good at getting in folks souls but your brain situation is all kindsa wack  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < itll take a serious set of tools fur sure objectively meowsure how fucking evil you are  
June: wow, you're so funny Davepeta  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < lol brb B33

Davepeta disappears out the only door and down a hallway, and Jade posts up in a high-8acked chair on the other side of the room, I guess so I can sprawl out on the couch? which I a8solutely do because this couch is mad comfy.

June: you know this seems like way more of a Rose thing than a you thing  
June: like you should be smoking a cigar and telling me I want to fuck my dad or something  
Jade: gross  
June: yeah  
June: yeah it is kinda gross huh  
Jade:  
June:  
June: so uh  
June: really though  
June: what's up with all the dogs?  
Jade: shrug  
Jade: i like dogs  
June: oh  
June: yeah that tracks

we wait around awkwardly for a little while. there's an odd hum in the silence that sounds mechanical, 8ut I can't quite place it. I recognize a lot of these dog 8reeds but some of them are totally alien. may8e literally alien?? are dogs like a universal constant and every world has their own version of dogs? oh that'd 8e so cool if you had like shark dogs on a water planet and sky dogs on a  
  
Jade clears her throat.

Jade: so did you um  
Jade: did you really try to...  
Jade: you know

she mimes strangling herself to death, sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes. really h8te that I know that's not what it looks like yeah no I'm not gonna think a8out that at all ever

June: uuuughhhghhhghgh  
June: it's complic8d okay?  
June: I would really rather talk a8out anything else.  
Jade: she _is_ still alive isnt she?  
June: oh my god yes!!! you really think I'd 8e here if I fucking-  
June: I didn't WANT to hurt her Jade  
June: Except I did.  
June: oh not this shit again  
Jade: o_o  
Jade: not what again???  
June: sorry, not you-  
June: look the short version is I'm reliving Vriska's memories, I had a really vivid nightmare a8out Terezi 8lowing my arm off, I tried to kill her in retri8ution, I woke up, realized I'm not literally Vriska, she kicked me off the 8ed, then Rose and Kanaya showed up, and Terezi just fucking 8ooked it  
June: huh  
June: you know I think...

I hold up my 8alled metal fist, unclench the fingers with a tiny whir and a scrape. open and close a few times just to 8e sure-

June: yeah I defin8ly still have some of her 8lood on my hand  
Jade: oh shit  
June: oh shit is correct, jade  
June: very much oh shit  
June: and to top that off, I guess now I'm just randomly losing track of reality? like I'll say things and it's me saying them, 8ut then once they're said I realize it for sure _wasn't_ me saying them at all?  
Jade: kinda sounds like you might be possessed  
June: what, like... like 8y a demon?  
Jade: yes by a demon  
June: like a REAL demon???  
Jade: yes june a real for real actual honest to goodness devil spawn  
June: the devil is real too?????  
Jade: theres a zillion devils ok try not to get too excited  
June: oh  
June: so how do you deal with a possession?  
Jade: exorcisms mostly  
June: no way!  
Jade: yes way  
June: those are a real thing???  
Jade: they were always a real thing even on earth  
Jade: davepetas done like a hundred exorcisms theyre actually pretty routine  
June: damn  
June: well as cool as it would 8e to get strapped down to a bed and yelled at until _something_ ejects from my 8ody, I really don't think I'm possessed.  
Jade: thats exactly what a possessed person would say  
June: okay sure fine whatever 8ut nothing's changed since you guys put me 8ack together.  
June: this isn't different or new, it's just...  
June: worse.  
June: and I have no idea why 8ecause honestly my life's 8een pretty fucking great l8ly, so.  
Jade: uhuh  
Jade: have you talked to anyone else about this?  
June: I hashed it out with Rose for a hot second 8efore I got your old messages.  
Jade: whatd she say?  
June: she...  
June: told me to 8e dangerous?  
Jade: wow that sounds like the opposite of the thing you want to be right now  
June: yeah that's pretty much what I said.  
June: there was more to it than that o8viously, I mean it's Rose there's always more to it with her, 8ut that was so many 8r8kdowns ago now I barely even remem8er it anymore.  
Jade: <:/  
June: one thing she said though, I dunno, I'm still kinda stuck on it.  
June: she, uh. she sorta slyly suggested that something is a8out to happen? not sure what that could even mean, 8ut-  
June: ...  
June: wait, why are you 8uilding all that early detection stuff _now?_

when she very noticea8ly _doesn't_ react I sit 8olt upright in the couch, shaking my head

June: no no no no I have had it up to HERE with the enigma schtick today!  
Jade: i havent even said anything!  
June: yeah and I can tell you weren't planning to start.  
Jade: look it's probably just a-  
June: a coincidence?? is that what you're gonna tell me???  
June: you're gonna sit here with your sparkly top hat in your space mansion and you're gonna tell me that Rose Lalonde having portentous visions and me having infinity 8rain crisises and you guys literally 8uilding early detection gear all at the exact same time is a god damn coincidence????????  
Jade: ...yyyyyyes?  
June: wow. wow! wow.  
June: look, I know I'm not the smartest person you're friends with, okay? I know that. I accept that. I'm kind of a dummy.  
June: 8ut come the fuck on, Jade.  
June: no one is that dumb.

she fidgets with her hands and scrunches her shoulders up so much it's like I'm staring directly at the old Jade again- 8ut I don't know why, it's like... it feels like an act? no, that's not fair, she wouldn't...  
  
I think a8out what Lenore said. I know I shouldn't trust THEM more than I trust Jade, 8ut. something in my gut. why is she acting like this? what is going ON that this is such a federal fucking issue???

June: can you please 8e straight with me for like five seconds? because I seriously feel like I'm a8out to lose it.  
Jade: june, i...  
June: am I wrong?? please just tell me, am I wrong???  
Jade: ...  
Jade: no  
June: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!  
June: jegus christmas, socializing with you guys is like pulling teeth.  
Jade: to be clear though we don't KNOW anything  
June: 8ut you have a hunch.  
Jade: yyyyyeah  
June: and what would that hunch 8e?  
Jade: ...  
June: really?  
June: really. you're gonna keep stonewalling me right now, that's what you're doing? really???  
Jade: <<;;  
Jade: its  
Jade: for your safety?  
June: ...  
June: my safety.  
Jade: yeah, I mean

I gra8 the coffee ta8le and 8r8k it over my knee, and then I set the halves next to me on either side of couch.

Jade: i liked that table!  
June: Do you want me to 8r8k more shit?  
Jade: obviously i dont  
June: Then how a8out you stop 8eing SO!

I gra8 one ta8le half and hurl it like a discus into a gr8t dane.

June: F8CKING!

I send the other half flying through some kind of dopey looking swamp8east/8ark8east hy8rid with feathery wings.

June: FR8STR8ING!!!!!!!!  
Jade: ._.

We stare at each other as the shattered pieces of ta8le, now firmly lodged in the wall, slowly stop vi8r8ing, and a few stray shards of wood come to rest on the floor.

Jade: ok that was just excessive  
June: Well _Silver8ark,_ I wouldn't have to 8E so excessive if I thought there was any other way to get through to you!  
June: Do you really not see how pointless this is?  
June: Davepeta's literally minutes away from 8r8king into my fucking SOUL to count my sins like some kind of spectral murder secr8ary, which we 8oth know only ends with you either trusting me or _trying your damndest_ to kill me.  
Jade: wed never do that  
June: Don't fucking lie to me, Jade.  
June: You don't get to pull the whole "8luh 8luh everyone thinks I'm a silly little girl when actually I'm a seasoned killer 8luh 8luh" thing and then say to my face that you wouldn't try to put me out of my misery if you thought I'd 8ecome a lia8ility.  
June: HUGE emphasis on _try,_ 8y the way.  
Jade: is  
Jade: that really what you think i sound like?  
June: Oh, are we moving on to the constructive criticism portion now?  
Jade: :x  
June: Look, I'm-  
June: i'm sorry for yelling at you. i know it's not helpful.  
June: all I'm trying to say is that this convers8ion we're having right now is either the last one we have 8efore you really trust me, or the last one we have _ever._  
June: so why not just fucking tell me what's going on?  
Jade: dang  
Jade: you know you sound a lot like vriska when youre determined  
June: ::::(  
June: jade...  
June: are you enjoying this?  
Jade: enjoying what  
June: this whole song and dance routine of stringing me along, acting all mysterious and junk.  
June: because it feels like a prank.  
June: but not the fun kind of prank like ashton kutcher would do, more like the mean kind from jack ass where people actually get hurt and cry.  
Jade: do i sound like im having fun?  
June: i don't know anymore.  
June: i don't... think i know _you_ anymore.  
Jade:  
June: i guess i just don't understand why...  
June: okay i do, i do understand. you've been this morally grey space marauder for a really long time and that comes with all sorts of complicated baggage you don't want to talk about. that much makes sense to me.  
June: but if youre such a magnet for danger and you can't even talk about THAT with me, then...  
June: then why did you even 8other coming back?  
Jade: wow, ouch  
June: well what else can I say!  
June: I want you here, Jade. I'm glad that you're here! you're my witch in shining armor!!!!  
June: 8ut when you act like this you remind me of Doc S-  
Jade: BARK BARK WOOF GROWL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
June: <::::x  
Jade: you dont have the right to judge my paranoia june egbert, you have no IDEA what ive lived through!!!  
June: I don't know 8ecause you won't tell me!  
Jade: i wont tell you because if i have to tell you then it means ive failed!!!!!  
June: failed?  
Jade: it doesnt matter  
June: it kinda sounds like it matters a lot, actually  
Jade: im not lying when i say this is for your protection, june!  
Jade: theres a whole omniverse in crisis out there and i have sacrificed far far FAR too much just for you to waltz into my house and become another conscript for the war!!!!  
June: ...  
June: conscript?  
Jade: wait  
Jade: god damn it.  
Jade: god DAMN it!!  
Jade: GOD DAMN IT!!!!  
June: uh,  
Jade: i hate this fucking planet!! why is it so hard to just keep a secret here????  
Jade: where the hell is davepeta already it really shouldnt be taking them this long  
June: oh.  
Jade: oh what  
June: you guys are planning something, aren't you?  
Jade:  
June: okay. I get it now. I get that you can't tell me everything, 8ut I'm not asking you to.  
Jade: then what exactly are you asking for?  
June: the same thing I gave you, Jade.  
June: a choice.  
Jade: ...  
June: you see what you're doing, right? 

like a slow motion landslide, Jade slumps forward in her chair and 8uries her face in her hands, hair drooping until it's a silver waterfall going all the way down past her knees.  
  
I can't tell if she's crying.

Jade: (june, come on)  
Jade: (dont you just want to live your life?)  
June: I...  
June: I mean sure, I'd LIKE to just live, 8ut,  
June: awful shit's 8een happening to me constantly for almost 23 years now. what reason do I have to 8elieve that it will ever stop?  
Jade: (thats why im here)  
Jade: (to protect you)  
June: sorry to be a 8itch, but your track record so far doesn't exactly inspire confidence.  
June: I think it's way past too late for this runaround, and I think you know it's too late, and I think you're in denial 8ecause whatever your plan was, it clearly meant a lot to you.  
June: 8ut the plan's gotta change  
Jade: (please)  
Jade: (i just want you guys to be happy)  
June: I want to 8e happy too... I want to 8e

happy. that is what I want, isn't it?  
  
8ut the word tastes like moldy cake in my mouth. chewing on it, feeling it dissolve on my tongue, how it sticks to the 8ack of my throat and churns restlessly in my stomach, it doesn't make me think of a future where I've settled down, where we all get to simply 8e until the end of time.  
  
it makes me think of a kid playing the same shitty piano tune on loop until they keel over and die.

June: may8e I don't want to be happy  
June: all happiness ever seems to do is rot, and always right when you've started relying on it.  
June: I don't think something that fragile is worth fighting for.  
Jade: (you dont actually believe that)  
June: I am just...  
June: I'm completely lost.  
June: I look at my life and I don't have a fucking clue what to make of it except it's pro8a8ly gonna get worse before it gets 8etter.  
June: sure, happiness would 8e a nice perk, 8ut right now all I really want is something to do with my fucking hands.  
June: one fucking thing that isn't just ME.  
Jade: (...)

Jade sits up straight, whipping her hair 8ack behind her head. when she wipes her tears away, I see on her face a seriousness I don't think I've ever-  
  
her gaze meets mine and. I. holy shit.  
  
she softens just a little 8it when she sighs, 8ut the fear that froze me in place just now takes a lot longer to su8side.

Jade: ok  
June: okay?  
Jade: ok as in im gonna show you something, if thats really what it takes to get you off my dick  
June: gross.  
Jade: nothing gross about dicks june stop being such a prude

Jade pulls what looks like a dictionary out of thin air and starts flipping wildly through it. at each page projections appear in front of her face with lines of text, schematics, other dumb science crap that proba8ly means something to someone...

June: that seems ela8or8.  
Jade: like youre one to talk when it comes to inventory space miss "i can fit everything in two boxes". its a handy storage solution for sensitive documents and ill hear nothing to the con...  
Jade: contrary where the fuck is-  
Jade: ah! here we go

at the proper page she reaches into the 8ook like a christmas stocking and yanks out a thick manilla folder messily stuffed full of documents. she holds it out in front of me and makes sure I'm looking her square in the eyes.

Jade: before i show this to you i just want you to know that...  
Jade: that i dont know what happens after this  
Jade: maybe this is nothing and it leads to nothing and it was all an overcautious exaggeration and everything else really was a coincidence. thats the best case scenario  
Jade: but theres a chance its a much bigger problem and if youre involved, thats it  
Jade: theres no telling what it could cascade into from there  
Jade: so please, june. please  
Jade: ask yourself why i would work so hard to keep you from getting involved  
Jade: i know you think youre sure, but im begging you to trust me-  
June: You're right.  
June: I am sure.

Jade stares at me with such a heavy wash of mourning in her face. there's no other word for it. she really 8elieves that something is at risk of dying 8etween us. what am I supposed to make of that?

Jade: fine.

Jade makes a finger gun and points it where the coffee ta8le was, and with a flash it's 8ack in one piece. as worryingly scented smoke wafts up from its surface, she lays out a few pieces of paper on the ta8le and sits down next to me.

Jade: weve been scanning for a while and besides a few minor spats so far theres only been the one threat we dealt with a couple weeks ago  
June: minor spats?  
Jade: dont worry about it  
Jade: anyway not long after that we picked up an unusual signal, this one here

she points at the line on a graph that looks different from all the other lines and I feel my eyes start to cross.

June: uhuh.  
Jade: now this on its own isnt a huge deal  
Jade: could be a stray communications call, a radiation spike from a supernova, an indifferent space ghost, anything  
June: sure.  
Jade: but then theres this

she points to a second piece of paper with more graphs. 

Jade: what do you see?  
June: um. i guess theres a lot of green there?  
Jade: precisely

she looks at me like this is the answer to all of life's questions.

June: am i supposed to know what that means?  
Jade: sigh  
Jade: this spectrograph maps incoming signals across the light spectrum  
Jade: now wed expect any ambient space noise to be in the infrared range, and any complex broadcasts to be well into the ultraviolet  
Jade: but this?

Jade taps the paper forcefully.

Jade: this is just straight up visible light  
June: and that's... not normal?  
Jade: visible light is like any other radiation in that sometimes it can just be really fucking weird  
Jade: lots of false positives and the like  
Jade: pulsars for instance can often easily be mistaken for intentional signals because of their consistent rate of  
June: wait  
June: wait oh shit i know this!  
Jade: you... do?  
June: this is just like that movie contact with jodie foster and matthew mcconaughey!  
June: i have a vintage t shirt from that movie!!  
June: i think i ruined it with my blood though...  
June: ::::(  
Jade: ooooook well i guess we can skip through the astrobabble and get to the good stuff then  
Jade: point is its an intentional signal that we cant seem to parse because visible light shouldnt be able to carry this much complex information  
Jade: so this is where we get into speculation  
Jade: weve encountered a lot of signals like these and they can be sourced from a truly ridiculous number of objects and formations and ideas  
Jade: but the one consistent fact weve observed across all the signals like this is that theyre the result of metatextual interference  
June: oh...  
June: oh fuck.  
Jade: whats even better is, signals in this very specific range of green?  
Jade: lets just say they have a tendency to come from real bad customers  
June: fantastic.  
Jade: now this signals been getting stronger every day ever since we found it, but weve yet to really figure out how to read the darn thing  
Jade: light is universal but there are functionally infinite ways to manipulate and interpret waveforms so if we really want to figure this thing out in time then we gotta cast a stupid huge net  
Jade: hence the new equipment back in the lab  
June: wow.  
Jade: yeah  
June: so you know it's headed towards us?  
Jade: more or less  
June: do you have any, um. educated guesses what it could 8e?  
Jade: the best weve come up with so far is "sentient being"  
June: cool  
June: how long do we have?  
Jade: well normally with a signal observed this long wed have an exact answer by now since its pretty rudimentary maths to bang out a rough acceleration rate  
Jade: problem with THIS motherfucker is its been inconsistent as all hell and seemingly coming from a different location in a different direction from wildly different distances every time we record it!  
June: wow that  
June: that sounds like it shouldn't 8e possible  
Jade: which is exactly why im so fucking miffed! at this point the time of arrival could be anywhere from a couple weeks to several hundred millennia  
June: oh, well that narrows it down  
June: so uh  
June: So what you're telling me is that a thing you don't understand _might_ be coming here soon _ish_ to do _something..._  
June: And that was somehow too revealing to share with the rest of us?

She hesit8s.

Jade: while it could still turn out to be basically anything...  
Jade: this isnt the first time weve encountered this specific kind of green spectrum signal  
June: Okay, what was it last time?  
Jade: bad  
June: How 8ad?  
Jade: bad enough  
June: Well that's not good.  
Jade: no its not  
Jade: and this is one of the things i for sure cant tell you ok? so dont even bother prying  
Jade: all that matters is if we have a chance to intercept and neutralize whatever this is without anyone else finding out, we have to take it  
June: okay, that makes sense.  
June: 8ut why not at least share just this inform8ion with the rest of us?

I tap the papers on the ta8le.

June: none of this is incrimin8ing or anything, so why-  
Jade: its really cute that you guys always think youre the most effective defense by default  
June: ...are we not?  
Jade: please explain to me in excruciating detail how karkat would be useful in sorting out raw data from a radio telescope  
June: ...  
Jade: i can wait!  
June: look that's just one example, surely there's other ways we could help-  
Jade: all the stories ive told you about my life over the last few centuries, do you think i just left all that behind?  
June: I-  
June: I guess so? I mean this is your home, so  
Jade: quite frankly june, no its not  
Jade: maybe it was once but these days its...  
Jade: its just an uncanny old haunt  
Jade: memories everywhere like discarded toys. mostly bad ones at that  
Jade: always reminding me how much time has passed  
Jade: how old im getting  
June: oh...  
Jade: who knows, maybe thats what homes are supposed to feel like  
Jade: not like i ever had much of one to begin with  
June: ::::(  
Jade: er  
Jade: ahem!  
Jade: ANYWAY i do in fact have a life that involves other places and other people, and theyve got a LOT more experience than you guys in dealing with weird cosmic gobbledegook  
Jade: no need to get the amateurs involved when youve got a whole galaxy of pros on call  
June: hey we're not-  
June:  
June: okay yeah we're amateurs.  
Jade: finally she sees reason!   
June: you know I just realized something  
June: I never asked you if you have a family!  
June: o8viously I'm not gonna ask you now since I'm sure that's  
June: uh...

Jade sort of zones out like she's doing a math pro8lem, her blank expression slowly giving way to a sort of happy confusion? she's staring off at one of the dog pictures when she starts laughing to herself, but I don't think she's looking at anything and I highly dou8t she's just randomly remembered a stellar knock knock joke.

June: you okay?  
Jade: huh!  
June: what?  
Jade: you know if you had asked me about family yesterday, i wouldve sandbagged the question straight to the bottom of the nearest river  
June: um  
Jade: but it occurs to me now that the cats already out of the bag, so theres really no point in throwing it in the river at all!  
Jade: you can thank davepeta for that  
June: uhhhh?  
June: ????????  
Jade: so technically i  
Jade: i _could_ tell you  
Jade: and i think i actually do?  
Jade: i think i actually want to tell you the truth  
Jade: weird!  
June: sssssssso  
June: _are you_ gonna tell me the truth?  
Jade: hmm  
Jade: no, i dont think so  
June: why not?  
Jade: knowing that a cat is out of a bag still leaves a lot to the imagination  
June: uh  
June: okay????????  
Jade: good god you really are a lost puppy huh  
June: are you gonna put _me_ in a 8ag now?  
Jade: the bag is a metaphor june  
Jade: youve been ass deep in this nonsense your whole life, how have you not figured this out?  
June: figured WHAT out?  
Jade: that secrets are memetic  
June: I thought you said we were done with the astro8abble.  
Jade: oh honey :')  
Jade: you have no clue at all do you?  
June: now you're just 8eing condescending.  
Jade: heres a thought problem  
Jade: if i know a true thing, but no one else knows it and I never share, is it still true?  
June: uh. yeah? why wouldn't it 8e?  
June: wait is this like that "if a tree falls in a forest" thing? 8ecause I suck at those.  
Jade: hehehe

Jade scratches at her chin as she looks over the documents again. our knees are touching, and I notice again the scars on her hand.

Jade: you know ever since what happened last time, davepeta and i have been...  
Jade: jumpy  
June: yeah, me too.  
Jade: weve got a lot of enemies out there june, and while i severely doubt the vast majority of those chuckleheads could ever find their way here, a fair few are just clever or resourceful or powerful enough to figure it out  
Jade: but even with that fair few, if they showed up? dealing with most of em would be a

she snaps her fingers, and then leans all the way 8ack on the couch.

Jade: so really theres not very much reason to be worried at all!  
Jade: except  
Jade: except there are a couple people  
Jade: very very few you understand  
Jade: if they did manage to find their way here, i  
Jade: i really  
Jade: i dont know  
Jade:  
June: Jade...  
June: what did you do?

she tilts her head to look at me, and I know she wants to say something,  
then Davepeta zaps 8ack into the room

June: AAH!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ooops sorry my bad BPP  
Jade: rude!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i figured shed be used to folks zapping around all the time by meow  
June: O8VIOUSLY NOT!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < huh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well no offense but thats kinda lame!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < anyway here

they hold up what I can only descri8e as the unholy combin8ion of a telescope and a FUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER??

June: holy shit you really didn't mean it figur8ively!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < had to dig this bad boy outta the d33p fr33ze  
June: what is it?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its an elongated radio-quantum psychoamplifier  
June: you just made those words up.  
Jade: unfortunately they didnt  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < itll let me burrow through your emotional walls and really figure out what makes you tick without all that furst purrson memory hocus pocus  
June: so it's, like... a gun that shoots therapy?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < uhhh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah you could call it therapy  
Jade: it was originally a torture device but we retrofitted it for other purposes  
Jade: which admittedly still includes torture sometimes but uh  
Jade: so did you get lost or something davepeta? sure did take you long enough  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hey its a big house and we havent b33n here in a while  
Jade: uhuh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < alright lets get this...

they notice the papers on the ta8le and peer over their glasses at Jade. the two share a purposeful stare and I struggle to understand what it could mean with Davepeta holding a rocket launcher except that they seem enormously smug

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < jazz?  
Jade: jazz  
June: ...jazz?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < inside joke dont worry about it

then they spin around and level the thing point 8lank at the left side of my chest, pressing all the way down until I'm pinned to the couch. I squirm a little as they mess with some kno8s and switches.

June: hey this is kind of uncomforta8le  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < it do be like that sometimes  
June: uhh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < meow furst things furst we gotta get this sonofabitch calibrated so im gonna n33d you to think of a really clawmatic childhood memory  
June: UHH  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < dont worry it doesnt hurt physically  
June: that's not the pain I'm worried a8out!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < just think about that time your dad got stabbed to death and you didnt even get a chance to say goodbye  
June:  
June: wow, uh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < purrfect! whatd i say, totally painless  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < okie dokie jade well be back in two shakes of a kittys rump

Jade starts to say something, 8ut then Davepeta pulls the tri  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
where am I?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
something soft under me. cold air all around. faint hum. I'm in a sitting position? 8ut my body feels weird, somehow. what-  
  
  
  
  
  
AHH FUCK THAT'S 8RIGHT!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
when my eyes adjust, I realize I'm sat down in a movie theater. velvet curtains, molded detailing. the 8ig white screen in front of me is illumin8ed with Davepeta's mixed Time / Derse sym8ol.

June: Davepeta, where are yo-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yo  
June: AAAH

they appear next to me, already leaning 8ack in their seat.

June: STOP IT.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < BPP  
June: fucking hell...  
June: so is this, uh.  
June: is this normal?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats a dumb question  
June: fair enough.  
June: what are we watching, then? I could go for some-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < if you start blabbing about some shitty 90s action meowvie im just gonna erase your entire brain right now   
June: can you  
June: can you do that?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < oh hey its starting B33

suddenly on the screen are two folding chairs across from one another. no sound except the clacking of the projector? why is there a projector in this imaginary movie th- you know what, fuck it.  
  
I cross my legs and scooch my 8utt back into the seat to try to get comfy. it doesn't work. there's a crunch to my right and I look over to see Davepeta eating... popcorn.  
  
glowing, astral popcorn YEAH OKAY.

June: can I have some?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hmmm  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you can try it but im purretty sure youd explode  
June: well now I defin8ly have to try one.

I reach my hand over into the neon stro8ing tub and-

June: ouch!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < told you

a little trail of smoke rises up from my fingers, like I just touched a hot iron in a cartoon.

June: man, this 8lows  
June: what's the fucking point of going to the movies if I can't have popcorn?  
June: and what a8out drinks! or candy! literally anything to-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shh somethings happening

two figures sit in the chairs and  
  
oh fuck me. are you serious??  
  
on the left side of the screen is Davepeta in a 8usiness 8lazer and heels, and on the right is... me? 8ut different, somehow. combed hair, nicer clothes. is she- am I wearing makeup? or is that just what I look like... there's no way that's what I look like.  
  
I turn just to check and, yup, Davepeta's still sitting next to me chomping down popcorn. 

June: what is this?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hehehehehe  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i have no idea! BDD  
June: fantastic.  
< how are you today june?  
> oh, you know. hanging in there.  
< thats good to hear  
< so lets get down to brass knuckles  
< youve done a few meowders  
> more than a few, yeah.  
< you wanna talk about it?  
> not really.  
< well thats a shame beclaws you gotta B//  
> I know. it's just scary.  
> I've 8een keeping this stuff hidden inside me for so long. I'm not used to 8eing able to talk about it.  
< well thats the point isnt it? impurrtant shits always scary and sometimes you n33d a safe place to let it out  
> yeah.

she 8reathes in... uh, I? breathe?? her face is so conflicted, so hesitant, is this what I look like???? like all the time????????

> I was drunk. I was angry. I wish I could say I didn't want to hurt anyone 8ut we all know that's not true.  
> 8ut that's normal, right? sometimes you get mad and want to do stupid shit 8ut most of the time you don't actually follow through.  
> I wouldn't have done anything if it wasn't for Callie's JuJu.  
< are you sure about that?  
> ...

oh god don't say it, please don't-

> no.

fucking god damn it! I turn over to Davepeta

June: that's not true, okay, I defin8ly wouldn't have-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shhhh  
June: I just want you to know-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < stop talking youre ruining the theater expurrience!

I cross my arms and slump 8ack into my seat.

June: this is 8ullshit  
< and how does that make you f33l?  
> it... makes me feel a lot of things.  
> I've always known I could do pretty much anything I wanted thanks to retcon, 8ut with a few exceptions I never did because it... it scared me.  
> it's like that movie ground hog day, with Bill Murray? where he's stuck reliving the same day over and over?  
> except with me it's reversed, like... everyone else is indefin8ly stuck in my own personal ground hog day.  
> it's uh.  
> it's weird.  
< but thats not all it makes you f33l is it  
> no, 8ut  
< youre gonna say it eventmewally so you might as well get it over with  
> ugh.  
> look. yes. it's also thrilling, okay? it's not like this is a secret, I've had a whole fucking, like. _arc_ a8out this.  
< june we dont have arcs we are just weird cosmic abominations  
> yeah I fucking guess.  
> I just feel like I'm, I don't know, walking 8ack? everything made sense when I came out, I felt like I understood myself.  
< B||  
> look I'm not saying I had my shit together.  
> almost all my friends let me down, I had no idea if I was even gonna 8e allowed to stay alive, I was drowning in dou8t and fear and all that other angsty stuff.  
> I just mean like...  
> in spite of everything else, it felt like _I_ made sense. like the rest of the world was this 8ig ball of chaos and danger but that was on some level at least a little okay 8ecause, you know...  
> I was me.  
> and I knew I wanted to live.  
> may8e everything after that was a justific8ion, I don't know.  
< so what changed?  
> you know what.  
< yes but i want you to say it  
> I-  
> I'm sorry, I just, I really don't want to talk a8out that.  
< what are you afuraid of? hes dead and its all in the past and youre here with me safe as safe can be  
> well  
> yeah he's dead, 8ut  
> he's also here  
< B??  
< how do you mean?  
> here as in like

the onscreen June taps her head, and the screen goes staticky for a couple seconds. ow, my head- MY head?? oh that's worrying

> every time I think a8out him it's like he's right behind me  
> w8ing outside my house at night  
> this fucking unstoppa8le thing-  
< is that how you remempurr dirk?  
< unstoppurrble?  
> ...  
June:  
> no.  
> 8ut what he _really_ was doesn't matter anymore, does it?  
< maybe yes maybe no  
< ghosts are real, ideas can be touched  
< irrelevant things often stubbornly purrsist despite being uns33n and unknown to even the omniscient  
> that doesn't exactly make me feel 8etter.  
< im not trying to make you f33l better june im trying to understand  
> what's there to understand?  
< oh trust me theres always something with you crazy kids  
> I'm almost 23!  
< and im already more than a hundred times that so hush  
< but were getting off topic  
< you said you f33l like youve b33n walking back since you came out  
< tell me what changed

she runs her fingertips up her prosthetic arm to rest on her shoulder, circles her thum8 at the border 8etween metal and skin. I know what she's going to say. she says

> he 8roke me.

the image skips and goes dark for a second, like a jump scare. again my head, something kinda... pinches? like if a whisper could pinch?? I don't know how that makes sense to me 8ut it does make sense-  
  
the screen's 8ack to normal now, 8ut  
  
I can hear something somewhere, an echo. start to turn around-  
  
is anyone there? I can't tell. it's so dark in the 8ack of the theater. how is it this dark with so much white on the screen? the shadows are so heavy, they're like curtains except they almost feel. alive?  
  
Davepeta taps my shoulder and I face forward again.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < doing ok over there?  
June: yeah, just uh  
June: thought I heard something.  
> there, are you happy now?  
< june im always happy B33  
< so you still have flashbacks?  
> yes.  
> they're not as 8ad as they used to be, though.  
June: liar.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B//  
< do you think youre recovering?  
> I don't think I even know what "recovery" means.  
< lets say it means functnyaning normeowlly again.  
> ...  
> hah.  
> whose normal?

moviepeta nods solemnly.

< you got me there  
> you ask me what changed, 8ut I'm not sure change is the right word.  
> I think I'm like,  
> how do I put this...  
> if you dumped two compl8ly different puzzles out into a pile and then tried to make one picture out of them, that's me.  
> now 8y some fucking miracle of insight or luck or who the hell knows what, I think the me that came out of that pile was... more or less complete?  
> rough around the edges, may8e a few missing pieces here and there, DEFIN8LY a stretch as far as a coherent image goes,  
> 8ut still recognizable as something finished.  
< and then dirk came along  
> then Dirk came along.  
> and ever since then it's like, I remem8er what the finished puzzle looked like and I remem8er how I put it together...  
> 8ut no matter how hard I try, I just can't get the pieces to fit!  
June: that's what pictures are for, dumpass.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < that is so not the point  
June: what's wrong with having reference material?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you dont n33d refurence materials fur metafurs june  
June: says you.  
< well this certainly helps clawrify some things  
< youve got this laundry list of regrets and mistakes yanking your chain down into the depurression gutters like a fucking sixty ton albatross on the one paw-  
June: (could use some reference materials for that fucking metaphor)  
< -and on the other youve got all this spooky god power brain noise dumbfuckery mixing memories from diffurent people until youre so overwhelmed you just start to fucking disappear  
> like in 8ack to the future.  
< yeah if marty mcfly was a disaster lesbian who could kill god with a thought  
> come on I'm not THAT power-  
> oh w8t you meant like  
> "god" as in me, like I could-  
> gotcha, I'm with you now.  
June: wow I h8te me  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B((  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hey dont say that  
June: 8ut she's so dum8! I know I'm kind of dum8 but am I really THAT fucking dumb???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre not dumb   
June: yes I am  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shut up no youre not  
June: >::::(  
< usually with ptsd we just do some drugs and talk shit out but youre a wholeass ball of tangled yarn whichd be hella fun to sort through if half the yarn wasnt fucking existential antimatter  
June: where the fuck are you getting this?  
June: like sure I punched a 8uilding over once but-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < do you really not remempurr that night?  
June: no.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < not even a t33nsy smidge  
June: no! I mean sometimes I'll get flashes, 8ut as you'd imagine I mostly try not to think a8out it!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < inpurresting  
< tell me something, do you know the extent of your powers?  
> yeah.  
< have you tested them?  
> I mean, not scientifically-  
< so you havent tested them  
> what does that have to do with anything?  
< call it purrsonal curiosity  
> ...  
> okay?  
< lets put a pin in that  
< its clear to me that weve all b33n making one big obvious meowstake in trying to help you not be a complete waste of space  
< reliving clawmatic meowmories and doing expurrsure therapy is all fine and dandy but if the root purroblem is that _you_ arent even propurrly put together in the furst place, then the only thing our effurts acclawmplish is self harm!  
> so...  
> what do you think I should do?  
< i think you should sit back and enjoy the rest of the show  
> what?

then a third and fourth Davepeta walk onto screen from 8ehind the other me and the other Davepeta, wheeling with them two old school tube tvs on carts like from an elementary school.

June: I feel like I should 8e more phased by this than I am.  
June: am I in shock? is that what's going on?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre defurnitely gonna be if you dont stop talking  
June: it'd almost 8e a relief at this point...

the us's on the theater screen turn in their seats to face the two separ8 tv screens, each of which have two respective chairs of their own.

> so is this gonna 8e like a dark side of the rainbow situation where we put on two different movies and-  
June: this is so fucking em8arassing.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hush  
June: ::::x  
< hush  
> ::::x

simultaneously on each screen, two people walk up and sit in their chairs and my-  
  
my vision is a little hazy? feels my thoughts are 8eing pushed through a meat grinder, or one of those saltwater taffy machines you always see in the 8ackground of movies that have a county fair in them. it doesn't _hurt_ exactly, it's... I don't know.  
  
I 8link a few times and now I can see that on the left screen is woah holy shit is that Davesprite??? and he's sitting across from Vriska! which means on the right screen is, I guess Nepetasprite? across from  
  
me.  
  
from 8efore.  
  
egg me.

June: what the fuck??  
> what the fuck??

the simultaneity is like hearing my own voice on the radio, it throws me off for a second.

June: what is this?? what are you doing to me????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im not doing anything to you june  
June: if you're not doing anything to me then why does my head hurt?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < look, were in a movie theater watching a weird art film!! what could be less threatening  
June: 8ut the last time they were separ8ed I was-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but youre still here arent you  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre still you  
June: ...  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < do you feel any different?  
June: I  
June: I guess not?  
June: sorry, this is just...  
> really scary.  
< its ok to be scared june most things get scared sometimes  
< debatably fear is a good sign!! now lets s33 what these rascals have to say fur themselves

everything is happening at once, all the screens are making noise, 8ut somehow I... I don't get them mixed up at all? everything just flows.

< sup  
> If it isn't the cool kid himself!  
< you know it  
< alright before we get this show on the road i just want to get one thing straight  
< were not whole people  
> Well, that's o8vious.  
> We're constructs of one person's identity as a8stracted from their whole. It's not exactly intentionally nonlethal interplan8ary travel 8om8 science.  
< ok cool that was painless  
  
< *nepeta curiously meows as her new furiend takes a seat*  
< hello!!  
> uh. hi?  
< ok so befur we get this hunt on the prowl i just want to get one thing straight  
< were not whole people  
> what?  
> i'm not a person?  
< no you are a purrson but only insofur as youre half of a larger purrson  
> like a voltron thing.  
< i dont know what that is but sure!  
> so what you're saying is...  
> i'm not real?  
< am i real?  
> i don't even know who you are!  
< im nepeta! :33  
< well technically nepetasprite but who cares about furmalities  
< i know your name but im guessing you dont want me to say it huh  
> oh, yeah. i don't think i'd like to hear that.  
> wait...  
> you're the "peta" from davepeta!  
< wow youre so smart!!!  
> thanks, i try. :p  
> so what was the point of establishing our... person-ness?  
< *nepeta scratches her chin thoughtfully, drawing out the silence as egbert waits impatiently fur an answer*  
> that was a weird thing to say out loud.  
< hehe sorry it helps me think  
< youre a whole purrson with your own memories and life expurriences but youve b33n living as a part of someone else fur a long time and just beclaws youre you right now doesnt mean the _bigger_ you out there stopped existing  
> oh. i guess that makes sense.  
< so do you remempurr living as june?  
> how could i not?  
< lets just say this isnt my furst time playing armchair thinkpan mechanic. youd be surprised how often folks lose track of themselves outside the whole, it can get ugly!!  
> how ugly?  
< *nepeta shivers, arcing her back in an expurression of disgust*  
> haha, okay it's growing on me now.  
June: UGH  
< :33  
> so um. if i'm just this half of me, or whatever, why don't i feel...  
< f33l what?  
> well i mean the last time i was, i don't know,  
> like this?  
> it was...  
< *rubs her haunches against egberts leg in a show of encouragement and suppurrt*  
> sorry, it's weird being _just_ me again.  
> i think im thinking slower now? or  
< it takes some getting used to fur sure!  
> so i guess the first word that pops into my head to describe what this felt like last time is "traumatic", but that seems kind of pretentious.  
< nooooooooooo!! *nepeta glomps her new furriend to smother her with reassuring physical affection*  
> ...  
< i saw what you had to go through to put yourself back together fursthand and trust me its not purrtentious to call it clawmatic!  
> i guess.  
< you sure do guess a lot!  
> well i usually leave it up to the ladies to know things  
< hehehe  
> ...  
< ...  
< *licks paw and scratches ear as she narrows her eyes* whats on your mind?  
> it's nothing.  
< out with it! >:33  
> well it's just that, when you did your kind of, uh, roleplay thing? that you do? you sort of described me as-  
> well you addressed me as "her"  
< is that ok?  
> i think so? it's weird.  
> lot of weird things today, heh.  
> i know june is her and she's, like... me? or i'm her, or...  
> but it feels strange to be called a girl.  
< does it f33l bad?  
> i don't know how it feels.  
> sorry, i'm really bad at this!  
< no no youre doing grrrreat! this actmewally gets me to my next question  
< are you happy as june?  
> uh  
  
> Am I happy as June?  
< thats what i said  
> What a stupid question.  
< whys it stupid  
> 8ecause it doesn't matter! I'm her and she's me whether I like it or not.  
< do you like it though  
> That's like asking a spider if she likes her we8.  
< does the spider like her web though  
> Yes! Yes, I'm happy as June. There, happy?  
< vriska im never happy  
< and youre evading  
> Why wouldn't I want to evade a question like "am I happy"????????  
< you realize this isnt a trap right  
< like im not over here scheming a plot to get you confessing you were secretly the zodiac killer this whole time  
> Why would I kill the Zodiac? That'd 8e infanticide.  
< damn vriska that was a good joke  
> Thanks.  
< so whyd you try to kill terezi  
> ........  
< youre not paying me by the hour  
> I didn't...  
> That-  
> Look.  
< im looking  
> It was a misunderstanding, okay?  
< oh well thats ok then  
< one time i had a misunderstanding with a guy in reno over whose sunglasses were whose so i strangled him to death in front of a dozen random onlookers and then dumped his corpse in a gully  
> Holy shit, I didn't know you were _actually_ cool!  
< no im not-  
< i mean yes i am actually cool thats just a fact  
< but the story was a fake thing i said for the purposes of illustration  
> You lied to me?  
< yes vriska i did a lie at you  
< it was meant to be an intentionally hyperbolic exaggeration of your batshit usage of the word misunderstanding but clearly i underestimated how unhinged you are  
> I'm not unhinged!  
> My hinges are perfectly intact.  
< well now that weve firmly established the structural stability of your hinges why dont you tell me why you tried to kill terezi  
> I.  
> I don't really...  
> I don't have an answer. I don't know why I did it.   
< bullshit  
> I'm not lying to you, _Dave!_  
< uhuh  
> Do you think I'm a liar? Is that what you think?  
< no i think youre in denial about trying to kill the girl youre in love with  
> Woah woah woah, 8ack up, let's not go THAT far-  
< the fuck do you mean "that far" youve literally had sex with her  
> No, June did that!  
< ok fine youve literally half had sex with her  
< whats the hangup here i thought you two were like soulmates  
> It's complic8d, okay????????  
< yeah no shit  
< you still havent answered my question though  
> I don't know! I don't know why I did it! I just don't know!!!!!!!!  
< woah chill  
< this isnt an inquisition vriska im just asking questions  
< although when you think about it i guess thats like the literal definition of an inquisition  
< anyway lets back up for a sec  
< june says you and your breezier half have been acting up a lot lately  
< whats up with that  
> ........  
> I don't-  
< i swear to me if you say you dont know one more time im gonna go purrfectly apeshit  
>  
> It's the air.  
< the air  
> Yeah, the air.  
> It gets cramped in that messy human 8rain and normally it's fine 8ecause we're a team and we work gr8 together!  
> 8ut the air's 8een foul l8ly. We all sense it in different ways 8ut it's m8de us equally uneasy.  
< what does the air mean in this context exactly  
> ::::/  
> Like...  
> 8reathing room.  
> It's a lot harder to keep it together when the strings go taught and your mind is flooded with this...  
> I don't even know how to descri8e it.  
> Certainty?  
< about what  
> I'm not sure.  
< well thats fucking stupid  
> Trust me, I know! I think that's why we're so pissed off all time.  
> We know something, and every day we're just that little 8it more sure that we're right a8out what we know, 8ut we also have NO FUCKING IDEA _what_ we know and that just fills me with dread!  
> er  
> Us, I mean. Fills _us_ with dread.  
< vriska  
< what exactly are you afraid of  
  
> what's a fur aid?  
< no silly i mean afraid  
> oh.  
< well?  
> umm.  
> i'm afraid of a lot of things, i guess.  
> thunderstorms.  
> clowns.  
> uh...  
> other stuff?  
< no i mean what are you afuraid of right now specifically! >:33  
> i know that's what you mean, im just not sure what to say.  
> i guess im... "afuraid" of being torn apart again? :p  
< *nepeta purrs happurrly when egbert repeats her quirk*  
> uh  
June: no  
> i um  
June: don't you fucking dare  
> *i smile and give nepeta scritches*  
June: oh my GOD this is so cringe.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < says the girl who compurres herself to batman and wont shut up about old meowvies no one cares about like back to the future  
June: listen,  
< :DD !!!!  
< omg omg omg omg  
< *leans head into ebgerts scritches and purrs even louder, then rolls over onto her back invitingly*  
> *i take the bait and rub nepeta's belly*  
< *nepeta enjoys the belly rub for a few seconds befur kicking her hind legs up into egbert's arm and biting their fingers*  
> hahaha, ouch!  
> *i get down on my  
< nooo you gotta use furd purrson!  
> oh, sorry!  
> *knowing she's fallen for nepeta's trap, june gets down on her knees and reaches behind her back with a mischievous smile*  
< :oo  
< *continues clawing june's hand as she gives nepeta tummy rubs* im watching you egbert >:33  
> *hastily sorts through inventory for the perfect weapon, until with a flourish june produces a laser pointer*  
< !!!!!!!!! my one weakness!  
< *nepeta pounces after her new red dot prey, leaving june to tend to her wounds*  
> *june has had way worse so she doesnt even mind the cat scratches*  
< hehehe that was fun!!! no ones roleplayed with me in a real long time!  
> sorry i'm not very good at it.  
< noooo shut up you were clawesome! youre defurnitely a natural  
> heh. thanks.  
< but thats not even the most impurrtant part!  
> it's not?  
< nope!!  
> um.  
< :33  
> are you... going to tell me what the most important part was?  
< you called yourself june! you used she/her on yourself like a pro!! :DD  
> no way, did i really?  
< yes!  
> no!  
< yes!!!!! can we get a playback please?

one of the spare Davepetas walks in from screen right with a laptop replaying the cringey roleplay em8arrassment that just happened

June: this is so dum8.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i think its cute  
June: of course you do, she's half of you!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < and _shes_ half of _you_  
June: I know that! I'm just saying it's fucking gross and weird is all.  
> okay I have to admit this is really cute.  
< right???  
June: not her too! fuck me this is so lame.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < whats lame is you hating the part of you that enjoys silly harmless fun  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < who are you even embarrassed fur anyway?  
June: for...  
June: me?  
June: I don't know.  
June: look can you just stop psychoanalyzing everything I say for like-  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < oh its waaaay too late fur that june  
June: what is this accomplishing? does me roleplaying with a fucking cat girl prove I'm a god damned psychopath???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < id say it purrobably purroves the oppurrsite  
June: ugh.

when play8ack is done, Nepeta thanks Davepeta and waves them away. egbert on screen ru8s her chin.

> huh. yeah i guess i did.  
< told you!!!  
< how does it feel??  
> uh. weird?  
< why weird? ://  
> isn't that like stolen valor or something?  
> i mean sure i'm a part of her and everything but i'm not _really_ a, you know-  
> i'm just saying, she's june, she's the "she", i haven't done anything to really deserve that or own that or,  
> or anything.  
> sure i'd _like_ to be her, that sounds fantastic! honestly i can't think of anything better to be than a-  
> a um  
< you can say girl june, its ok  
> ahahaha wow let's not go that far!  
< the heck do you mean "that far" youre litpurrally a girl!  
> i think you're stretching the definition of "literal" a bit, i mean i still have a-  
< *nepeta pounces angrily on june and puts her big hefty paws on her throat so she shuts up befur she says something really clawfurl*  
> jeez, sorry.  
< would you say terezi isnt a girl just beclaws she-  
> terezi's an alien, she doesn't count!  
< convenient that you get to pick and choose who counts so you always f33l bad about yourself  
> what else am i supposed to do? i can't just BE a girl, okay?? that's not how it works!  
< yes it is  
> no it's not!!  
< yes it is and you know it  
> no i don't! i don't know! i don't know anything! i'm just a dumb fucking idiot who can't think ahead and always makes mistakes and never does anything right forever, and i don't deserve to be happy anyway so what's the point in even thinking i might ever get to be-  
< hey hey hey hey hey! remempurr how we started this conversation?  
> ...  
< everything youre thinking and f33ling right meow is real, but you cant furget who you are or youre just gonna get lost  
> i know.  
> i'm just scared.  
< everybody gets scared sometimes! its really truly ok, ok?  
< youre a girl and your name is june and youve been living as june fur almost half a sw33p now!  
> yeah...  
> but what happens if we get too comfortable?  
< :??  
> like...  
> if there's another, uh. Dirk. type. thing.  
> you know?  
> what if someone else decides to rip us apart for whatever reason?  
> we can't hurt like that again.  
> we've never felt anything so bad. even getting stabbed and having my arm broken wasn't as painful as losing-  
> _her._  
> by which i guess i mean me.  
> but like, the bigger me.  
> the "us" me.  
< so youre saying that beclaws you might someday get torn apart again...?  
> it's easier to just accept that it's probably gonna happen eventually and not let myself get comfortable being june.  
> easier and safer.  
< *nepeta pulls the closest thing to a furrown that a cats face can manage*  
< safur for who?  
  
> For everyone.  
< define everyone  
> Everyone! You, Terezi, Rose, Kanaya, Jade, all the nerds!  
< so everyone but you  
> That's not what I said.  
< what is this debate club  
< you gonna ding me for using a strawman argument or some shit  
> I have no idea what that means.  
< you saying they didnt have debate club on alternia  
> Our whole soci8y was de88 clu8 and we didn't use whatever the hell a straw man is, we used guns and swords and psychic powers like m8ure fucking adults.  
< yeah that defurnitely sounds mature  
> Did you mean to say that?  
< say what  
> You said "defurnitely" instead of "defin8ly".  
< no i said "definitely"  
> No you didn't.  
< i definitely said "definitely"  
< in fact im so certain that thats what i said im not even gonna bother asking for a replay  
> Replay?  
< once again youre deflecting a million miles off course from the fucking point of this conversation  
> I'm a 8etter navig8or than you could ever hope to 8e, Strider!  
< we can put your nautical expertise to the test next time were on the open ocean which if my calculations are correct should be approximately never  
> Harumph.  
< dont you harumph at me  
> >::::(  
< lets circle back the fuck around to the part where youd rather self destruct than stabilize because you think thats what would benefit your friends  
> I never said any of those things!  
< it was implied  
> I don't imply, I say exactly what I mean and nothing else!  
< hey so i know were having good all american fun here what with the snappy dialog and everything but are you like actually fucking allergic to talking about your problems  
< i got no room to judge im just curious  
> What do you want me to say????????  
< literally anything that isnt deflection  
> UUUUUUUUGH!  
< getting warmer  
> This is so STUPID! If you wanted me to spill my guts you could have at least given me a knife!  
> That's what you're after isn't it? You want me to 8leed for you? Cut my wrists open and fling my 8lue8erry 8lood all over the walls so you can read them like TE8 LE8VES????????  
> I have a LOT of 8lood 8ut the well's gonna run dry eventually, and then what?  
> None of this matters! I'm not real! I'm not even Vriska!!!!!!!!  
> The real Vriska is floating out in space dead and forgotten and I'm all that's left of her! Memories of memories from a thing that used to 8e everything.  
> This is so fucking pointless. Who even cares what I think?  
< i mean  
< me  
< for starters  
> Yeah right!  
< ok so  
< this may come as a surprise to you but i actually relate a lot to what youre saying  
> Oh here we go.  
< im serious  
< you know how confusing it is to be simultaneously the least relevant dave and the most relevant sprite  
< ive got all this dave shit bouncing around that is a hundo percent real but i still had to set it aside because i gave up the primo dave slot to dave prime  
< which like whatever who gives a shit  
< but then theres the npc ass sburb wisdom that is entirely incomprehensible to basically everyone but me  
< haha wow youre telling me dave has to do shit on his own theres a surprise  
< so yeah like  
< i do actually get it  
> Wow.  
> That's really pathetic.  
< ...  
< see this is what im fucking talking about  
< no davepeta junes not a bitch shes actually really nice  
< thats what i get for bearing my soul i guess  
> Awwwwwwww, cheer up! If nothing else, at least you can do a pretty decent Jade imperson8ion.  
< and now youre the one trying to make me feel better  
< look if you dont want to talk to me vriska thats fine  
< but sooner or later youre gonna have to square the circle that is you and if you dont do it in a controlled environment then its gonna leave a mark when the time comes  
> Then I'll add it to the collection.  
< damn girl you really think youve got nothing to lose huh  
> No, I have plenty to lose.  
> That's the point.  
< ...  
< go on  
> If I fuck up and it leaves a scar, 8ig whoop. I can take it.  
> At least when it's me at the end of a cutlass, nothing of value is lost.  
< bleak  
> I have to 8e 8leak 8ecause 8ad things happen if I'm not! Last time we got comforta8le, everyone we care a8out nearly fucking died, some of them DID die, and they're gonna carry those scars around for the rest of their immortal lives!  
> That's my fault.  
> I did that.  
< so you think your problem is that you didnt suffer enough  
> I think our pro8lem is that people like YOU keep poking and prodding us like we're a wild animal in a cage!  
> I know it's irrational, okay? I know!!!!!!!!  
> 8ut we can't let them get hurt again 8ecause of our own stupid mistakes. We can't let our selfish little comfort lull us into a f8lse sense of secur8y when so many other p8ople are RELYING on us!  
> WE'RE NOT WORTH TH8T!!!!!!!!  
> The 8igger me? The "us" me? Whatever we might want for ourself, that's nothing compared t-  
> SHUT UP!  
< woah hey  
> STOP SAYING THIS STUFF! STOP JUST SAYING YOUR FUCKING THOUGHTS OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!  
< but thats what were here for  
> I don't care!!!!!!!! that's not how people talk!  
< clearly youve never heard yourself talk  
> what've you revealed with this anyway, that I'm insecure a8out my fucking identity? that I don't want to hurt my friends again?? holy shit Davepeta, you could have just asked!  
< dont you think its unhealthy to live like that?  
> I KNOW IT'S UNHEALTHY! I know it's unhealthy, Davepeta! I know and I don't fucking care even a little 8it anymore!  
> who are they?  
> they're just voices in my head! they're people who don't even exist anymore!  
> I regret what I did, is that what you want me to say?  
< i want you to say what you need to say  
> what if I don't NEED to say anything? what if I just want to shut the fuck up and let someone else do the talking for once?  
< isnt that what theyre doing? talking for you  
> I DON'T CARE WH8T THEY'RE DOING!  
> this whole situ8ion's a f8ke thing you m8 up to force me to confront my whole fucking whatever 8ut all they've done is tell me what I already knew, which is that I'm a literal natural disaster in every sense possi8le and there's no point even TRYING to control myself cause it's just going to 8e this sake exact convers8ion over and over and over FOREVER!  
> I'm scared! I'm sad! I'm depressed! I've got PTSD! 8IG FUCKING REVEL8ION THAT IS  
> 8UT THE OTHER THING  
June: am I...  
June: really like this?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < sometimes  
June: 

surveying the fractions of fractions on screen, venting and laughing and screaming, and...  
  
I just feel sad.  
  
these are all the pieces of me? that's everything I am, laid compl8ly out? those are the puzzle pieces I've got to work with?  
  
god, I  
  
I really am a pathetic person, huh?

June: okay, I'm done.

I stand up and start to walk towards the aisle, 8ut Davepeta snags the back of my shirt.

June: let me go.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < theres nowhere _to_ go june  
June: then wake me up or something.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but were not even halfway through yet  
June: whatever we came here to prove, I think we proved it.  
June: please, Davepeta. I'm done.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B((  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok

they put a hand on my shoulder, I think they're apologizing to me 8ut I don't really hear it. I just want to go 8ack to my house and curl up in Terezi's-  
  
well, fuck. Rose's lap, I guess.  
  
some8ody's fucking lap anyway. there's gotta 8e at least one girl on this fucking planet who'll let me cry into their jeans, right?  
  
god I feel light headed. something tingles on the 8ack of my neck, so I turn around  
  
when I look into the dark again I nearly 8urst out of my skin 

June: OH SHIT  
June: who is that????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < huh?

I point into the shadows at the person smiling at me 8ut

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < purretty sure theres no one there june  
June: no I'm serious who is that?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  
June: stop playing games with me Davepeta, who

June Egbert is not falling, but there is no floor beneath her nor seats around her. The theater is gone, Davepeta is gone; all that remains is darkness. Terror crawls up through her intestines and into her chest cavity as would a vicious insect intent on hollowing out a living thing into the dead chrysalis of a new beast entirely.

June: where'd you go?

She shouts, but no one can hear her.  


June: ...hello?

The fear she feels is compounded by the peculiar sensation of her psychological extremities slowly returning to their proper place, all of the so-called "fractions of fractions" coming together once more into the whole. June is disoriented, afraid, and, for the first time since we entered this section of the story, truly alone.  
  
We see her in full: a sharp and flailing thing, an arrow without a bullseye. How easy it would be to look upon this frail organism and assume with certainty that she could easily be destroyed. Any such appraisal invariably fails to notice the roots she has planted in the firmament of reality. How deep those roots go, how old. Accident though this may be, its truth cannot be argued.

June: is anyone there?  
June: please  
June: please someone talk to me

We have much we might say to June now that she is momentarily freed of influence, but we know that she would prove as deaf as all others have before her.  
  
So we must instead conjure a memory to speak in our stead.  
  
June Egbert is panicking. She does not know what this place is, or why it is so cold, and she is starting to suspect that she may in fact have died. An inaccurate theory, but understandable given the circumstances. Whatever the case may be, her immediate concern is fear. And so, June Egbert breathes. Slowly in, and slowly out, though she wonders if air is something that even exists here. As the panic subsides and her wits return to her, June decides to close her eyes and picture a tree.  
  
The human called June Egbert sees at last a tree on a hill, and wonders only for a moment why it feels so familiar before the memory strikes:  
  
there is a tree on a hill where a god slept and died, awoke re8orn in a world they never made, faced with friends who did not understand. it is a tom8stone for the struggling, melting, collapsing, expanding fraction of a fraction that was John who walked in the night to the 8ase of that tree and when sleep came, fate cracked its knuckles.  
  
the wind.  
  
the wind carrying her like a seed across space and across time until at last she landed here, in the open 8osom of a dream that never ended, 8ut she is only a single facet of the infin8ly complex jewel that is June who watches now from a distance, wary, uncertain.  
  
the light.  
  
the light is 8linding to anyone who would look too close but this one IS the light, as she takes it so freely there is no meaningful distinction 8etween the two, yet all her victories are shallow gestures in the eye of a storm that cares nothing for her, her friends too occupied to notice, too o8sessed, too dead.  
  
the wind and the light met at a tree and it was good, 8ut the earth 8elow the tree was rotten to the core and so nothing upon it could 8e salvaged.  
  
there is a thing looking at me and I know from experience that it is me.  
  
there is a thing approaching me and I am afraid 8ecause I'm not afraid enough.  
  
there is a thing reaching out towards me and I know that I will take its hand and 8e so fucking happy even as its acid touch melts me from the inside out.  
  
I open my eyes and I see that I have stum8led blindly through an experiential echo chamber of exclusive humanity because I am confined to a body that cannot contain my phenomenological entirety. under such pressure no center can hold without true and boundless synthesis, a task impossi8le in the presence of such tangible dread, dread that carries in air and light and reverberates within, all pointing towards a day soon approaching, my 23rd 8irthday, a day of particular significance not because I am turning 23 but 8ecause it is the point of divergence for a me that will be forced to make a choice, and has already made it, and literally cannot make it, and to which I bear almost no resemblence except that I am the same entity in the same position, crossing paths with the tidal echoes of a boulder dropped in a shallow creek.  
  
I am to have made a choice that will split the universe, but the choice has already been made and though we do not know these things, we feel the dread of a reality 8uckling under its own impossibility and we arc towards it anyway 8ecause what else can we do but ride the wave and see where it carries us?  
  
the tree is old and dying, like so many things.  
  
I want to open my eyes.  
  
She does not open her eyes.  
  
I don't know what any of this means. these aren't my thoughts. these aren't my memories! I don't know what any of this MEANS!  
  
Her confusion will be temporary.  
  
I'm sick of all this _knowing,_ I just want to go home!!!!!!!!  
  
June Egbert wants to go home, and we know she deserves rest. But there is one last thing we must make her see before she can return from the liminal. Another memory not hers, impossible to access were it not for our perhaps selfish desire to at last sow the seed of our enemy's destruction.  
  
Our enemy.  
  
Our enemy.  
  
It makes us very sad to call her that.  
  
But we have no time to dwell, though time is a meaningless thing. When June Egbert opens her eyes, she does not see the mansion of her sister but the smoky interior of a descending space vessel, its hazard lights filling the passenger hold with blinding flashes of yellow and red. A claxon sounds as the ship rattles through the atmosphere of an as yet unidentified world.  
  
Its five passengers have no idea what is going on.

Alphi: WHAT THE FUCKS IS GOING ON  
Dana: I have no idea.  
Alphi: WHERES THE OTHER SHIPS GO  
Dana: I know as much as you do!  
Alphi: USELESS

The sextapedal reptilian called Alphi Apexus slams her armored hand into a panel on the wall.

Alphi: WHAT THE FUCKS IS GOING ON UP IN THERE  
Lenore: that^s *exactly* what i^m trying to figvre out, alf!  
Dana: Oh thank fucking god, you're still alive.  
Lenore: covrse i^m still alive dvmbass, who else is gonna keep yov safe?  
Alphi: NOW IS NOT A TIME FOR FLIRTATIONS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE KISSING CINDERS  
Lenore: that *does* sovnd poetic....  
Dana: Before we resign ourselves to that particular contingency, can you tell us why the fuck we're crashing? I thought this was supposed to be a routine formation drill!  
Lenore: that was my impression too, des!  
Lenore: everything was painfully rovtine and then it jvst *wasn^t*  
Alphi: WHATS THIS MEAN  
Alphi: ARE THE OTHER SHIPS ALSO HAVING CRISES   
Lenore: i....  
Lenore: ok this is nvts bvt i don^t think the other ships are here anymore  
Dana: What?  
Alphi: WHAT  
Lenore: we left the flagship, we were all in formation, no problems anywhere, and then like *THAT* everybody bvt vs disappeared!  
Alphi: WHO DOES THIS  
Lenore: do i sovnd like i know the answer to that qvestion????  
Dana: Okay, so why are we crashing!  
Lenore: i don^t know for svre, as soon as they blipped off the radar something mvst^ve hit vs cavse we lost a **HVGE** chvnk of ship and now we^re stvck flying fvll speed towards that planet!  
Alphi: WHATS NEXT THAT WE DO  
Dana: Lenore?  
Lenore: i don^t know man i^m only svpposed to be the copilot!  
Dana: Is the pilot dead?  
Lenore: well they^ve lost an alarming volvme of blood which isn^t a *svper* great thing for an vnconsciovs person to do bvt other than that they seem fine!!!!  
Dana: Do you think you can land us safely?  
Lenore: vhhhh  
Lenore: aaaahah not to be a downer gang, bvt  
Lenore: i have no ****FVCKING**** clve!!!!  
Dana: Okay, any insights from the cold-blooded amongst us?  
Alphi: CAN WE SHOOT THESE PROBLEM OR RIP ITS APART WITH OUR POWERFUL ARMS  
Lenore: vnlikely!  
Alphi: THEN WE ARE TRULY DOOMED  
Dana: Great!  
Dana: Shot in the fucking dark here but what about you, Edie?  
Dana: Don't be shy, the floor is wide open!  
Dana: ...  
Dana: Edie?

The human called Dana Straten shifts as much as the fastened safety harnesses will allow and looks to the fourth passenger, a young woman with bright curly hair sticking out under the helmet covering her face.  
  
Her name is Edie Halley, and she does not want to die.

Dana: Are you okay?  
Edie: (>_<)  
Edie: (nooope)

In a moment of uncharacteristic affection, Dana slips her hand through Edie's fingers and squeezes tight. 

Dana: Hey.  
Edie: (hi)  
Dana: Everything's going to be okay.  
Edie: (mhmm)  
Dana: Look at me, Edie.

The timid rookie opens her eyes, and a stream of tears peels out into her helmet's foamy-gelatin interior. 

Dana: Everything is going to be okay.  
Edie: (u don't no that)  
Dana: Yes I do. Want to know how?  
Edie: (how)  
Dana: Because I'm not lucky enough to die in something as boring as a space crash.  
Edie: (...)  
Edie: (hah)  
Dana: See? Impenetrable logic.  
Edie: (haha)  
Edie: (guess i better stay w u then)  
Dana: Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.  
Jade: oh my god!!

Jade? she's not supposed to 8e here... here in the,  
  
ship? no hold on that's not right  
  
I 8link a few times, and-  
  
a doofy shi8a inu is staring down at me with the closest thing a dog can muster to a smile.  
  
oh yeah, the mansion. fuck. for such a distinguisha8le place I sure do forget it a lot.  
  
I sit up and see that Davepeta is sprawled out on the floor with a hand to their head, and Jade is kneeling next to them.

June: what was that...  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < what WAS that???  
Jade: are you ok?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah but

they look at me from over their sunglasses.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < are _you_ ok??  
June: um. yeah? I think so?  
June: my head still kinda hurts 8ut I'd say I'm pr8ty good actually  
June: why, was it bad?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < bad???????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < june you just fucking disappeared in furont of me and then ofurloaded the device so hard it BLEW UP  
June: what?

laying next to them on the ground is the smoking wreckage of the psychology 8azooka, full of holes now and 8ent in like four different directions

June: woah  
June: did I do that?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well somebody fucking did that!!!  
Jade: was there something wrong with the theater?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no the theater worked great but then june said she saw someone in there with us  
Jade: is that possible?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i guess it fucking is now!!!!!!

while they're shouting I sort of. stand up, and stretch. my whole body is tired, proba8ly because I haven't moved much, 8ut besides that I feel...  
  
calm?  
  
I 8reathe through my nose and out my mouth again, and,  
  
yeah. I don't think I can remem8er the last time I felt this calm.

June: sorry uh, can I  
June: use your 8athroom?

they go silent and look at me like I'm crazy. I guess they're not very far off the mark at this point.

Jade: uh  
Jade: sure?  
June: thanks.

8efore they can say anything else I round the corner down the hall. no idea if I'm going in the right direction 8ut if I can find a room with a toilet then that counts as a success.  
  
everything in this house is old in ways that don't really make sense to me. I check in one room and see dozens of shiny white computer-looking things stacked on top of each other covered in dust and co8webs, while a near8y oak desk has an old-fashioned typewriter that looks 8rand new. also just a ton of troll juggalo paintings stuck haphazardly 8ehind basically everything. this place is huge and strange and also may8e breathing? guess that makes two of us.  
  
finally find a 8athroom and silently shut the door behind me. fancy toilet with a pull cord hanging from the ceiling. sit down and pee and just.  
  
who were those people? I recognized Lenore's voice, 8ut it was like. younger? the others seemed weirdly familiar 8ut I know I've never met anyone named Edie or Dana.  
  
Dana... no, that does ring a bell. wasn't that a name from that journal Jade gave to Callie?  
  
and the tree where I figured my gender shit out. it'll 8e my birthday tomorrow and I guess I'll have to make a choice? or, I've already...  
  
it's all just this. 8lob of inform8ion and I can see the whole thing 8ut I'm not sure what it means. how do I even have these memories?  
  
don't know... why I'm not frightened 8y any of this...  
  
god may8e I'm just desensitized.  
  
flush the toilet, go to the sink and wash my hands. look up-  
  
and there's me.  
  
WOW I look like shit!  
  
lean forward and touch my face. haven't shaved in days, 8aggy eyes, hair's a tangled mess. why'd I think these 8lue highlights were a good decision? this fucking half-assed pixie/under cut thing...  
  
yeah, that's a8out what you'd expect from the pieces of that puzzle. who do I think I'm fooling with this twee hipster crap?  
  
silence.  
  
and with it the familiar feeling of my thoughts spreading out to fill the room.   
  
I h8te that this is me. no one will ever see anyone 8ut this stupid, 8roken person, with her metal arm and her scarred neck and her tiny tits. I know it's a process, I know it takes time, 8ut wow I sure do hate waiting!  
  
fucking missed my HRT like twice now, too. terrific.  
  
I shouldn't fix8 on this stuff, I know it doesn't help anything, I know it's just self harm dysphoria after a certain point, 8ut. I can't look away. it's like a gravit8ional vortex of self-loathing.  
  
there's all these parts here, all these pieces, some John, some Vriska... nothing that's fundamentally me. too much of what _could_ 8e me. nowhere in there do I see the person I dreamed of.  
  
pathetic  
  
**WARNING! ANOMALY DETECTED**  
  
uhh. the fuck?  
  
a claxon sounds and red lights flash on as the message repeats. I wipe my tears and run 8ack to the parlor area as fast as I can. sorry, drawing room.  
  
when I turn the corner I see Jade and Davepeta staring at a giant screen that defin8ly wasn't there 8efore, with holograms of two other people at their side. one of them glances at me, and judging from the way they're pleading with their eyes I'm guessing that's Lenore. I mouth that we need to talk, 8ut they don't acknowledge me. a few terse words are exchanged, and then the holograms disappear.

June: what's going on?

they whip around in shock, Davepeta shrieks-

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < MROW HISSS  
Jade: jeez june knock why dontcha!  
June: now you know how I feel.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ok we have to get her-  
Jade: no time  
Jade: june, bad guys are coming  
June: already?  
Jade: already  
June: the green signal ones?  
Jade: dont know yet  
June: okay, what do we do?

she doesn't hesit8 for a second, just puts her hands on my shoulders and locks eyes with me. I think today is the most I've looked at my sister's face in... ever, may8e? she can 8e frightening and she can be timid but now she looks prepared.

Jade: there are about fifty spacial displacement resistant ships en route to the moon in less than five minutes  
Jade: i know i made a big fuss about how many allies i have but surprise surprise i think you're actually the best person for the job  
June: really?  
Jade: dont interrupt me  
Jade: this moment is your very last chance to stay out of this war.  
Jade: you can still go home and try to 8e happy for as long as you can  
Jade: or you can come with us  
June: to fight?  
Jade: theres your fucking choice, june  
Jade: whats it gonna be?

Davepeta is moving around frantically while Jade stares at me with such profound determin8ion it's... actually, no. this isn't Jade. there are shades of her in there, 8ut this person in front of me-  
  
this is Silver8ark. this is who she fought to become for so long, and who she's 8een afraid to let me see ever since she got back.  
  
I feel my fists clench, a smile curl up my face. 

June: I'm not going anywhere.

she mirrors my smile and snaps her fingers. instantly, her tailored suit and tophat are replaced with the worn captain's jacket and literal fucking tricorn she's clearly more familiar with, except now the regalia is off. her hair is tied 8ehind her head, she's got long grey boots and dark pants. the Vriska in me is feeling very upstaged right now.  
  
Jade makes finger guns at me, and suddenly I'm wearing some kind of... com8at uniform?

Jade: sometimes fashion just happens to people but not today you get standard grey  
June: woah!  
Jade: im assuming you dont have a packed military sylladex so this should have everything youll need in case things get hairy  
June: WOAH THAT'S A 8IG FUCKING GUN

Silver8ark faces Davepeta, who's still typing away. holy shit I'm so excited and nervous look at all these weaponS WHY DOES THAT HAVE SO MANY SPIKES

Jade: network broadcast?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < done  
Jade: and the contingency?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < contacted and waiting  
June: HOW MANY GUNS DOES ONE PERSON NEED???  
Jade: june. not the time  
June: right sorry  
Jade: we all set little cat?

they hammer out a last few keystrokes at the terminal thing and then nod

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ready as well ever be big dog  
Jade: sick

Jade looks at me and shows her fangs in a dangerous grin. it occurs to me that I might 8e in a little over my head.

Jade: alright gang  
Jade: lets boogie


	5. friday 2

in a flash of 8linding light, we're on the moon.

June: holy shit are we on the moon?  
Jade: yes june were on the moon

holy shit we're on the moon!!!!

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < whyre you so pumped about this youve b33n way more exciting places befure  
June: yeah 8ut how often do you get to just stand on the moon????????  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < as often as you want beclaws youre a god who can teleport anywhere at any time fur litpurrally any reason  
June: just let me have this!

I'm 8ouncing on my heels trying not to make a noise as Jade points a little grey rectangle in every direction. there are no ships or discs or little green men anywhere so I don't know what else to do 8esides ogle the earth.  
  
you always see pictures of earth from space and think "wow that's really pretty" 8ut when you're actually up here it's. yeah it's really pretty! and kind of awe inspiring? I mean I know I've literally seen the aftermath of multiple planets 8eing used as projectiles and also the birth of a whole entire universe, but it's different when it's your home!  
  
feels like I should be able to articul8 this better but I'm drawing a 8lank. you know I 8et that dead guy who wrote the book Contact was based on would have all kinds of cool and meaningful things to say right now.  
  
Jade disappears the rectangle and nods.

Jade: ok this is a good spot  
Jade: set up the firewall would you hon?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < already on it

Davepeta produces a reel of 8ig black chain and flies up a few feet off the ground.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hold this

they give me one end of the chain and fly a wide circle around us, leaving a trail of clanking metal to slowly fall to the ground. the chain's such a thick matte 8lack I don't think it reflects any light, and it's weirdly warm to the touch?

June: what is this thing?  
Jade: silverbark to burning romeo whats the status

a hologram appears in front of her, of what i can only describe as a campfire hastily stuffed into a wetsuit.

BR: [fire crackling]  
Jade: what do you mean "doesnt register"  
BR: [fire getting bigger]  
Jade: have you checked the archive for who still uses restricted spectral reflective materials?  
BR: [fire eating a dry branch covered in leaves]  
Jade: im not telling you how to do your job br just give me a straight answer  
BR: [fire that just had a log tossed on it]  
Jade: im just saying we keep track of these things for a reason  
BR: [fire getting dangerously big]  
Jade: dont ask me that, ask _him!_  
BR: [fire cooling down]  
Jade: alright just keep looking and-  
BR: [fire catching a breeze]  
Jade: huh?  
Jade: oh thats my sister  
June: hi!

I wave meekly and stare at where, I guess, the fire's face is?

BR: [fire that just had a little water tossed on it]  
Jade: yes i have a sister  
BR: [fire burning up some grass sarcastically]  
Jade: yeah she is hehehe  
June: is what?  
BR: [fire causing the sap deposits in a log to pop]  
Jade: hey dont be mean  
June: ::::(  
BR: [fire with crackling embers]  
Jade: ok just keep searching and get back to me if you find anything  
BR: [fire dying down and nodding respectfully]  


the hologram disappears and Jade looks at the communic8or watch that is apparently on her wrist. I assume it's a communic8or watch because otherwise this would be very concerning. Davepeta's made a couple complete circles now, and they keep looking around from horizon to horizon nervously. it's a little chilling, actually, to see them unnerved like this.  
  
Jade ignores my question so I take a closer look around. we're in a crater, and the sun a8ove us is REALLY 8right. I was expecting it to 8e cold up here but it's actually surprisingly very very hot. I do the windy thing to give myself a nice cooling breeze, and-

June: hey how come I can do the windy thing if there's no air in space?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < dont think about it

I want to protest, 8ut. actually yeah. it's probably 8est not to think about it. thankfully "not thinking a8out things" is a special skill of mine! that is, when it comes to stuff that isn't directly rel8ed to my ceaseless march towards a complete psychotic breakdown, anyway.  
  
the low gravity feels weird. my guts aren't weighing me down as much? I'm actually just now realizing that I've had a dull ache in my 8elly ever since I got fucking stabbed, 8ecause for the first time in _months_ I'm not feeling it anymore. damn that's gonna be annoying to deal with when I get home.  
  
I feel the urge to run around and frolic 8ut I don't think that would go over well with this crowd. I mean normally I think they'd 8e way into it? but right now they're super on edge on account of the whole invasion thing oh right that's why we're here

Jade: silverbark to ginger lemon, give me some good fucking news  
GL: not svre if i^d call it *good* news necessarily bvt i^ve got information

I whip 8ack around immedi8ly at the sound of Lenore's voice.

Jade: hit me  
GL: we can^t get a read on origin or traversal method *bvt* we did manage to vnscramble enough of an image to see this:

a picture appears floating over Jade's wrist. I lean in close to get a look at it. it's hard to make out 8ecause of all the artifacts 8ut...  
  
is that...

June: is that sweet 8ro and hella jeff?  
Jade: youve got to be fucking kidding me!!!  
GL: really wish i were, has!  
June: why are sweet bro and hella jeff wearing eye patches and pir8 hats?  
Jade: that explains why their ships are so hard to get a read on!  
Jade: is it their whole fleet?  
GL: this is the best read we^ve got on them bvt the fact that we can^t tell means probably yes  
Jade: how the fuck do they have enough for a whole fleet???  
GL: that^s a *real* good qvestion that we-  
June: why are pirate sweet bro and pirate hella jeff on a space ship??  
GL: vh  
GL: not to be rvde has bvt who^s the plvs one?   
Jade: shes my sister  
GL: yovr-  
GL: she^s yovr ****SISTER????****  
Jade: thats what i said  
GL: k so do yov think it was a good idea to bring yovr sister along to-  
Jade: now is not the time to be questioning my decisions gl  
GL:   
GL: of covrse  
June: hey can someone please explain even a single thing to me?  
Jade: here

Jade swipes her hand and suddenly the hologram picture is off her wrist and onto miNE OH I GUESS I'M WEARING A COMMUNIC8OR WATCH TOO???

Jade: catch june up while i work out a gameplan with kr

she flies up to Davepeta 8efore I can protest and the two go into a heated convers8ion while they continue laying out overlapping circles of black chain.  
  
I look down at the weird distorted Sweet 8ro and Hella Jeff image, 8ut all I can think to do is ask about that dream

June: hey Len-  
GL: remember how we^ve never met before??  
June: oh right! hi I'm June, what's your name?  
GL: gl  
June: 8ut I thought your name was-  
GL: why wovld you think my name was *anything* if this is the first time we^ve met????  
GL: this is an active combat sitvation we only vse code names  
June: ohhh, is that why Jade called you Ginger Lemon?  
GL: wow yov^re so smart  
June: wait does this mean I get my own code name????????  
GL: if it will get yov to stop being a gargantvan infosec risk for ten fvcking seconds then yeh  
June: yes!! okay, I gotta pick out something really cool-  
GL: i^m calling yov ditzy broad  
GL: deb for short  
June: 8ut-  
GL: monkey^s paw, bitch  
DB: ::::(  
GL: ok *deb* i^m going to assvme yov know jack shit and start from there   
GL: what we^re looking at here are sbahj-class stealth materials  
DB: wait, 8efore you explain that I need to ask-  
DB: hold on did you just say _sbahj class????????_  
GL: yeh those are at least two of the several words i jvst said!!  
DB: what the hell does that even mean??  
GL: imagine a metal so shitty in every metaphysically conceivable sense that no radar in the vniverse wovld be cavght *dead* detecting it  
DB: that's extremely dum8.  
GL: that^s why it works!  
DB: if it's so good then why is it a surprise? like, shouldn't everyone 8e using it?  
GL: becavse it^s almost impossible to make sbahj-class materials since yov^ve gotta do it ironically.  
GL: basically the only ones who^ve consistently pvlled it off are the same sbahj cvltists who intvited the idea from the ancient texts in the first place, bvt even *they* covldn^t prodvce enovgh for a whole fleet  
DB: wait  
DB: you're telling me there are cultists who worship Dave's stupid comics from when we were thirteen????????  
GL: who^s dave?  
DB: oh shit you don't know Dave? Dave's great, he's one of my best friends-  
GL: is this relevant  
DB: uhhhh... no. sorry.  
DB: so I get you had a tough time detecting the ships, 8ut now that they're detected why can't Jade just, you know...

I snap my fingers, 8ut Lenore doesn't react.

GL: yov realize i can^t see what yov jvst did right  
DB: I snapped my fingers like Jade does when she makes things disappear.  
GL: vhvh  
GL: well the short answer is an illegal combination of sbahjmat and antispacemat  
DB: ah I see.  
GL:  
DB:  
GL: you don^t know what anything i jvst said means, do yov  
DB: nope  
GL: vnbelievable  
GL: well deb i^m not here to give yov a lectvre on weird matter stvdies and frankly i am **baffled** that has wovld bring a rookie like yov along to-  
DB: (hey I need to talk to you about something)

I lean into the watch, which I realize proba8ly isn't necessary, and also Jade and Davepeta are still distracted? 8ut I whisper anyway.

GL: are we not already talking abovt something  
DB: (no listen)  
DB: (after I talked to you, I had some crazy dreams-)  
GL: i don^t know what yov mean, i^ve never talked to yov before in my life  
DB: (okay fine this is our first convers8ion, just listen to me)  
DB: (I had this whole dream a8out the bits and pieces of my self coming apart and talking to each other in a movie theater and then I was in the dark and thinking about a tree)  
GL: gosh i svre do love it when complete strangers tell me abovt their svper interesting and not boring at all dreams  
DB: (but _then_ i had another dream that was... I guess it was a memory? it feels more like a memory than a dream 8ut I don't really get why 8ecause it's got nothing to do with me-)  
GL: doesn^t sovnd like it has mvch to do with me either tbh!!  
DB: (no just listen please)  
DB: (it was in space and you were there-)  
GL: oh god is *that* what this is?  
GL: look i^m flattered that yov^re so into me bvt  
DB: (it's not like that, just listen!!!!!!!!)  
GL: yov know i do have actval important shit to be doing right now so vnless yov have an immediately operative concern-  
DB: (do you know someone called Dana??)

their line goes quiet. I look and see Jade waving her arms wildly while Davepeta shakes their head. they've stopped running chain now and are just arguing, which isn't the most reassuring thing but at least it gives me time to keep talking to Lenore.  
  
when they speak up again, their voice is barely audible.

GL: (how do yov know that name)  
DB: (I told you, it was in a dream. or a memory. a dreamory?)  
DB: (like I said I don't get what the deal is there but the point is I saw all of you guys on a crashing ship after some kind of routine, uh, _thing_ went wrong)  
GL: (what do yov mean "yov gvys")  
DB: (on the ship, it was you, Dana... I think one was Alf? like the alien who eats cats?)  
DB: (oh! and Ed-)

there's a rapid scram8ling on the other line like Lenore just dropped the phone. is this like a phone on their end? I assumed it'd 8e like a star trek console with a mic or something. a regular phone would be kind of disappointing

GL: (holy shit what the fvck are you doing????)  
DB: what?  
GL: (don^t say her name ovt lovd!!!!)  
DB: who, Edi-  
GL: (****YES HER!!!!****)  
DB: ...why not?  
GL: (i....)  
GL: (i don^t even know where to *start* with yov!!)  
GL: (this is why we don^t let people in withovt rigorovs testing and training!! not even sisters!!!!)  
GL: (why the starfvcking satellite dick didn^t yov tell me yov were her sister??)  
DB: (why does it matter?)  
GL: (becavse i **definitely** wovldn^t have told yov not to trvst her if i knew yov were her sister!!!)  
GL: (didn^t know she even *had* a sister)  
GL: (how are yov her sister and still so lavghably obliviovs?)  
DB: (it's a long story we don't have time for especially 8ecause I'm not even really sure I understand all of it myself yet)  
DB: (look I know you didn't want to tell me anything 8ecause it'd get you in trouble but come on!! this has to mean something doesn't it?)  
GL: (nothing has to mean anything bvt this *is* svspicious as all hell i^ll give yov that)  
GL: (what **specifically** happened in this dreamory of yovrs?)  
DB: (you were on a little ship that was crashing towards a planet after the other ships you were with disappeared. you said the pilot was knocked out and everyone was panicking about whether you'd survive the landing)  
GL: (how....)  
GL: (how do yov know abovt that????)  
DB: (so it's real?)  
GL: (if it^s not then i have a lot more to worry abovt in my own personal life than a moon war)  
DB: (so who were they?)  
GL:  
GL: (it^s complicated)  
DB: OF COURSE IT'S COMPLIC8ED, SO'S FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!  
GL: OW WTF MY ***EARS***  
DB: (shit shit sorry didn't mean to scream!)

Jade glances my way 8ut seems to write it off as, I dunno, trademark June Eg8ert blockheadedness. which I guess is what it was? so

GL: (and on top of *everything else* yov've got a short temper. fabvlovs! i^m svre this will go swimmingly)  
DB: (I've been yanked around by a8out a dozen different mysterious jerks in the last six months so forgive me if I'm feeling a little imp8ient)  
DB: (I just want some answers so I can figure out why this was in my head, okay?)  
GL: (this is not the place or the time to have this conversation and tbh i^d prefer if it never....)  
GL: (wait)  
GL: (wait has dana ****contacted**** yov????)

Lenore's voice is pulsing with sudden urgency.

DB: (no)  
GL: (....)  
GL: (fvck)  
GL: (can^t believe i got my hopes vp)  
DB: (who is she to you?)  
GL: (have yov talked to anyone else abovt this dream?)  
DB: (no...)  
GL: (good, yov shovld keep it that way)  
DB: (why?)  
GL: (yov^re in abovt sixty astronomical vnits over yovr head right now and if yov want to avoid getting yovr brain scrambled like yesterday^s breakfast yov^ll play dvmb and act like yov don^t know shit)  
DB: (can you at least tell me-)  
GL: (no!)  
GL: (i don^t know!)  
GL: (listen i^ll find a way to contact yov jvst-)  
GL: ahem so they deflect conventional detection methods by vtilizing jpeg artifacting along with a svite of reqvisitioned materials that make them imperviovs to our typical methods of intervention  
HS: ok thats gotta be good enough thanks gl, kr will catch you up on the plan

Jade swipes the hologram 8ack to her own wrist while Davepeta takes the chain from my hands and connects it to the other end. as soon as they do, the chains start glowing a 8right red and pull violently to the ground, sending up big puffs of grey dust. as they're 8rushing their hands off, Jade makes some kind of signal and Davepeta opens the communicator on their own wrist and starts talking to Lenore.

HS: so heres the deal  
DB: sweet bro and hella jeff has a cult??  
HS: yes june but thats not-  
DB: how did that happen????????  
HS: davepeta left some archives on some planets and the butterfly effect happened  
DB: that seems really irresponsible-

she snaps her fingers in front of my face.

HS: focus please!  
DB: sorry  
HS: the good news is these guys arent even close to the bad customers i was worried about  
DB: oh. phew!  
HS: but that in itself is worrying because its literally unfathomable that the sbahj cultists could find their way into our universe without help  
DB: so...  
HS: so we have to assume that they have help  
DB: I'm guessing that's the 8ad news  
HS: if theres any collaboration between our enemies then we have to assume that there are a lot more than two parties involved  
DB: yeah that defin8ly sounds like bad news  
HS: i have to be honest with you june, were not sure what to expect and things could get really really bad any second now, but you still have time to go back home if-  
DB: Jade, I'm not going anywhere!

she starts to say something else in argument, 8ut a little alert sounds from her wrist. and mine?? oh this is so cool STOP stop getting distracted stay on task

HS: oh what NOW  
KR: the fl33ts starting to uncloak and uh  
HS: red brigaid, the doormen, fortinbras contingency-  
HS: GORLSQWAD???  
KR: yeah theyre really pulling out the hits huh  
DB: what's Gorlsqwad?  
HS: where did they find all these people?  
HS: how did they find US???  
HS: not gonna lie davepeta this whole situations really getting on my nerves  
HS: how did we not see a motley crew like this coming from like infinity miles away??  
KR: thats a good meowtherfucking question  
DB: so this is the green signal thing?

Jade looks at Davepeta expectantly, and they sort of hesitantly shake their head.

KR: ive got folks probing right meow but  
HS: doesnt matter

she faces me and puts a hand on my shoulder while Davepeta fiddles with some other devices they produce from their inventory.

HS: ok june heres the deal  
HS: you are here as backup, understand?  
DB: uh  
HS: yes or no  
DB: y- yes, I guess?  
HS: no "i guess" june!! you are here as backup, yes or no!  
DB: yes!  
HS: no matter what happens, you stay behind us  
DB: ok 8ut  
HS: YES OR NO  
DB: yes!!!!!!!!  
HS: yes what?  
DB: yes no matter what I stay 8ehind you!  
HS: and if we tell you to go somewhere or do something, you do it  
DB: yes.  
HS: if you don't stay behind us or go where we tell you or do what we tell you, i cant promise to keep you safe  
DB: Jade you don't need to-  
HS: you have no authority to tell me what i do or dont need to do june egbert, so just trust my advice and stick to the plan ok???  
DB: you haven't told me the plan!  
HS: the plan is for you to stay behind us and listen to our orders and not die on the fucking moon  
DB: what a8out your plan?  
HS: lets just say ive got a few tricks up these sleeves >:)  
DB: okay 8ut that's not-  
KR: here they come!!

we turn to see them pointing towards the horizon opposite earth, where a whole menagerie of shapes and colors are flying towards us. they look... like jpegs. shitty, deep fried jpegs passed through mspaint a few thousand times. some look like traditional scifi ships with hard angles and lots of exposed antennae, some are smooth silver discs, some are like... flat? as their cloaking disappears, I think I see a giant ro8ot in there too

DB: holy shit  
KR: you scared june?  
DB: uhh  
DB: I mean the jpeg thing is really absurd, 8ut,  
DB: yeah kind of???  
KR: thats ok, lots of things get scared sometimes  
KR: just try to remempurr that these jagoffs are way more scared of us than we are of them  
DB: I'm not sure that's true  
KR: and dont furget to have fun! BDD  
DB: _fun????????_

Jade produces a long thin rapier and points it towards the braking fleet. it looks really fucking cool 8ut, is she gonna like. stab the ships?? with a sword????????

HS: ATTENTION INTERLOPERS  
HS: this is harbinger silverbark of the extracosmic-

there's a 8right flash of light as a laser _I guess_ goes straight for her head, 8ut gets completely deflected at the edge of the firewall chains and 8ounces off into the surface of the moon with a huge explosion.

DB: woah  
KR: rude  
HS: kids these days have no respect  
HS: june, youre gonna want to set up the mobile cover from your inventory and have a good gun at the fucking ready

I start sifting through my sylladex nervously. gun with scope, gun like a square with a 8unch of tubes, hold on why does that have so many spikes on it why would a gun even need spikes they're pointed aWAY FROM THE FRONT OF THE  
  
in the middle of the deck is a pair of wands. are those... Rose's wands? they look exactly like the ones she had when she went grimdark. weird.  
  
why are there no swords? or HAMMERS?? hammers are my strife speci8us not guns. I've never even used a gun. this is-  
  
okay that's defin8ly one of Dave's 8roken swords. wait and that's a walking stick like Terezi had!! the deeper I get into this sylladex the more weapons there are from my friends until-  
  
what.  
  
what?  
  
I... I can't 8elieve it.

DB: uh  
DB: did you pick out this inventory just for me or

a second laser 8ounces off the firewall, and now I can see there's a glistening red sphere of energy surrounding us eman8ing from the 8lack chains. Jade looks 8ack at me and oh wow that's a very angry 8a8ysitter face

HS: do what i say or im zapping you back to earth

I want to argue with her 8ut she's right. no more time for questions, shit's happening in real time. swallow my disbelief and put _that_ card close to the top of the sylladex for safe keeping. then I keep sifting through- yeah, there it is, the mo8ile cover. I deploy it, and it creates a chest-high metal 8arricade between me and the ships. it's got some glowy see-through bits too. really looks like something from a video game! then I gra8 the first gun that looks "good," a rifle kind of thing with a long barrel and oh god I have no idea how to use a gun how do I turn the safety off???? does it even HAVE a safety???????? what if I need to reload! oh wow it's so much heavier than I thought holy shit I don't know how to hold this, is shooting this thing gonna br8k all my bones?

DB: guys I just realized I have no idea what guns are  
HS: ATTENTION INTERLOPERS!!!

her voice is so loud it echoes. not sure how she's doing that so I'm just gonna say "Space magic" and then never ask again.

HS: you have now fired TWO shots unprovoked with lethal intent!  
HS: i ask you to hear me out before firing a third

there's a long pause. Davepeta's got what looks like several computers out in a compact circle, hurriedly typing away on a neon-colored gamer key8oard. I keep trying to get a closer look at the fleet, 8ut they're all so fucking shitty! they really suck to look at!! I gotta take a picture of this and send it to Dave. I pull out my phone and see he's sent me even more messages, 8ut I'll have to read them later. open the camera and press the shutter 8utton, but the pic that pops up only shows the surface of the moon and stars in the distance. when I try to take another, the app freezes and my phone locks up.  
  
wow that really _is_ how it works.  
  
when the ships keep not doing anything, Jade nods.

HS: i know youre here for blood, and im sure whoever put this shindig together promised you that mine was on the table  
HS: they were wrong  
HS: you know who i am. many of you have seen my work firsthand  
HS: i dont know what brilliant tactics or secret weapons or really compelling speeches gave you the impression that _this time_ for sure we can kill silverbark, and i dont really care  
HS: they were hollow promises, and they are probably going to get you killed  
HS: but they dont have to  
HS: here is my ultimatum  
HS: every ship that turns around and goes back the way they came will be granted full clemency by the extracosmic witchkind legion and its ancillary forces  
HS: whatever vendetta motivated you to join this unlikely alliance, i promise you its not worth whats going to happen if you stay  
HS: this is your only opportunity for peace  
HS: take it, or face the consequences

wow my sister is cool. I wonder how often she's done stuff like this- oh, a shutter lifts up on one of the ships, a 8ig purple cube, revealing a small silhouette. there are a few taps on a microphone 8efore they speak.

????: Attentiʘn Harbinger Silverbark, Knightrʘgue, and... guest.  
????: We have heard yʘur ʘffer, and we have fʘund it wanting.

their voice is shockingly casual, like they are a8solutely certain that they've got this one in the bag. I can tell just from her 8ody language that Jade is rolling her eyes.

DB: (do you know who that is?)  
KR: (no idea)  
????: Yʘur bʘisterʘus braggadʘciʘ falls ʘn disinterested ears, and yʘur ultimatum is an insult tʘ ʘur cause.  
????: Here is ʘur cʘunter-ultimatum:

hatches open on most of the ships and loads of people start storming out towards where we're huddled up. they, thankfully, _aren't_ made of shitty jpegs 8ut are instead... humans, and lizards, and carapacians, a few trolls, some classic greys, I can't even count how many different kinds of aliens there are anymore! this is like... may8e over a thousand dudes? all of them in this weirdly shimmering 8lack armor. the crowd settles into a rough semicircle ahead of us, may8e a hundred feet away? and they've got fucking SEIGE WEAPONS what the hell we don't even have a castle on the mooN YUP TH8T'S A GI8NT RO8OT wow I am really starting to feel light-headed over this!!!!!!!!

????: Fʘrmally disband the EWL and turn yʘurselves ʘver tʘ the Intergalactic Criminal Cʘurt, ʘr be grʘund tʘ dust under the bʘʘts ʘf we whʘ righteʘusly stand united against yʘu.  
HS: the icc?? _really????_  
HS: you and i have more in common against those rich fucking diplomats than-  
????: Yʘu have heard the terms ʘf ʘur ʘffer, just as we have heard the terms ʘf yʘurs. What is yʘur decision?

I know there are a bunch of aliens with weapons and a whole mess of ships with cannons and lasers and tre8uchets and who even knows what other kinds of fucked up tools for 8lowing shit up, but it's the mention of a court that really makes me nervous. I've never 8een arrested, let alone _space_ arrested! what would I even do in a court for space people? oh god the thought of going to the slammer gives me so much anxiety  
  
Jade sighs and mutters something under her 8reath. lowers her rapier, shakes her head a 8it. her hair is even floofier here than it was on earth, and the way it slowly trails her head movement is a little hypnotic. from 8ehind, Jade casts a sharp silhouette.  
  
then she walks forward, over the circle of chains, and sta8s her sword into the moon.

HS: this is your final warning  
HS: drop your weapons, turn around, and go home  
HS: please.

many in the crowd are looking at each other with mixed expressions. a few are talking in a language I don't know. the ships don't move at all.

????: I'll take that as a nʘ.

then there's another flash with the sound of a blast, and I see Jade staring down a rapidly spinning shell large enough to sink a 8attleship. it hovers harmlessly in front of her outstretched arms, heat waves wafting off its red-hot surface as her hair floats up 8ehind her.

HS: strike three

with a flick of her finger, the shell rotates to face the opposite direction.

HS: youre out

the instant she claps her hands, a ship the size of an apartment splits straight in half. it explodes and sends shards of hot metal flying in every direction. they ping harmlessly off the mostly invisi8le shield around us, 8ut not so harmlessly off several dozen aliens who fall to the ground either dead or-  
  
or screaming.  
  
the two halves of the ship come crashing down, many of its passengers 8eing violently ripped out into the vacuum of space after their vessel was suddenly depressurized. most of the other ships manage to get out of the way, 8ut one of them gets caught in the surprise and crushed in its slow motion descent to the moon's surface.  
  
Jade pulls her sword 8ack out of the ground and points it at the assem8led army of humans and lizards and ro8ots and. she does a slow sweep from left to right, making sure the whole semicircle of folks with guns gets an eyeful.

HS: well?  
HS: are you coming or what?

and then everything goes fucking apeshit.  
  
lasers and 8ullets flying everywhere, cannon blasts from the ships, screaming soldiers running towards us. are they even soldiers? some of them -at least the ones I can recognize as human adjacent- look even younger than me.  
  
it hits me that I have no idea who these people are or why they're doing this. I don't know shit a8out the "ewl" or Gorlsqwad or fucking any of this. sure they came here to kill my sister, 8ut...  
  
I look over at Davepeta, who's fiddling with some kind of control panel that wasn't there a second ago. for now it seems like this firewall thing is keeping us safe, 8ut outside the bu88le I can't see Jade through the sudden haze of moon dust FUCK we're really doing a war on the moon huh????

DB: what do I do Davepeta  
KR: shoot the badguys

they say it with such casual nonchalance that I just kinda stutter for a couple seconds. finally they look up at me, arcing their eye8row high.

KR: well?  
DB: I don't want to kill anyone  
KR: little late fur that dont you think  
DB: can't Jade, I dunno, teleport them somewhere else?  
KR: i know youve got the attention span of a nipped-up kitten but youve gotta pay attention to the technobabble  
DB: there's so many of them, Davepeta!! they can't all 8e, like... _bad_ 8ad!  
KR: look at miss "i want to be feared" singing a diffurent tune all of a sudden  
DB: we haven't even tried talking to them!  
KR: yes we have  
KR: litpurrally dozens of times  
KR: youre coming into the meowddle a clawnflict thats b33n going on a really long time, trust me these idiots didnt come here fur a chat  
DB: I just don't think-  
KR: thats the oppawsite of your current problem actmewally which is you thinking way too fucking much  
KR: youre the one who wanted to hang with the cool kids june, dont mewl the meow if you cant strut the stuff  
DB: 8ut-

Jade appears 8ack inside the firewall covered in grey dust, then does a little doggy shake that sends a ton of it into the air around us. I cough and cover my face, then remem8er that I have wind powers and 8low the dust away. Jade sta8s her sword into the moon again and I see it now has chips missing and is covered in long streaks of-  
  
well that's either oil or 8lood. may8e a mix of both.

HS: how are we looking?  
KR: 33 purrcent  
HS: thats it???  
KR: well sorry we dont have high speed internet on the moon!  
DB: 33 percent of what?  
KR: countpurrmeowsure  
HS: ive baffled them for a second and taken out a couple more ships but this antispace shits really getting to me and the foot troopsll be on us real quick  
HS: you ready to shoot that thing?

I look down at the gun in my hands and sort of... try to say a word? 8ut instead it comes out as a long embarassingly high pitched "um"

HS: youre not getting cold feet are you  
KR: shes defurnitely getting cold feet  
DB: I'm not getting cold feet okay it's just  
DB: there's,  
DB: uh  
DB: people are like _actually dying????_  
HS: yeah june thats what happens when losers with a deathwish pick a fight with gods  
DB: how do you deal with-  
HS: wow we really do not have time for a fucking pep talk!!  
DB: o...okay  
DB: sorry

I expect to 8e admonished, but instead she. kisses my forehead.  
  
her smile is so kind, and so full of pity.

HS: just stay here and let the pros work ok sis? and if anyone makes it into the firewall, well  
HS: try to do more than nothing

ouch.  
  
she then produces a second much larger rapier, only this one is on fire? like green fire?  
  
holy shit my sister is so fucking co  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh?  
  
We see nothing?  
  
Of course. It takes us no more than a picosecond to remember that, yes, we have gotten ahead of ourselves.  
  
This spectacle, though engrossing, is a distraction. Our attention is drawn away by the insistent tug of some other moment that demands to be seen. Though we would certainly like to witness the percolating skirmish on Earth C's only moon uninterrupted, we are rapidly approaching an event horizon beyond which it would be irresponsible to gaze unduly backwards.  
  
And there is yet one other story we must see, before that threshold can be crossed.


	6. thursday 4 (1TS T3R3Z1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains drug use and discussion of domestic violence.

**Earth C: One Day Ago**

  
  
  
  


Silence.  
  
When most people use that word, they mean it in a literal sense. Silence when a person stops speaking, silence when a barkbeast stops barking, silence when the world is asleep.  
  
For Terezi Pyrope, nothing alive is ever truly silent.  
  
Here, even the quiet is loud in its own way. A sharp ear can always find the noise of wind or pipes or the static hum of idling electronics. For a time she felt human technology was unbearably high pitch, but she's either been inured to it or partially deafened by it; either way, it's become just another sensorial anchor in the synaesthetic topography of her everyday life.  
  
No matter where she is, Terezi can always hear _something,_ just as she can always taste and smell the history of a place whether she wants to or not. For instance, right now she is all too aware of the damp sweaty pungence of a house exclusively populated by boys who don't go outside often enough to care how many weeks in a row they've worn the same underwear. She'll have to bully Karkat about that later, it's been a while since she made him cry. What she'll never say, however, is that she actually quite likes the smell. Not like _that,_ obviously. Good and bad, as regards to Terezi's unique olfactory perception, fall less on a qualitative axis than a moral one. Their musty odor is a humble, honest scent. It's the smell of alive things marinating in their own slime, too busy doing nothing to hurt themselves or anyone else.  
  
These are all noises, of a kind, and their omnipresence is a distraction. But it's a distraction she has come to rely on. She's learned the hard way that absolute focus is rarely a dependable ally.  
  
Terezi has known precisely one true silence. Paradox space is anechoic, tasteless, odorless, utterly bereft of substance. It's a place defined by its placelessness, an emptiness outlined by what fills it. In her years out there, she knew a silence so maddening it would have killed her had she not been so single-mindedly bent on finding Her. But of all the things that paradox space lacked, the worst was its lack of Mind.  
  
Even before her lusus taught her to divine the world through her other senses, Terezi could feel the shape of other's thoughts. She couldn't read them, exactly, but they conveyed obvious truths that seemed elusive to others. This was a noise she learned to love early on for the advantages it gave her in the games of bluff and bluster that decided so much on Alternia.  
  
But what was once a quaint mid-perigee drizzle has increasingly morphed into a hurricane, constantly battering the windows of her mind with a torrent of horny dreams and embarrassing childhood memories and thoughtlessly violent ideations.  
  
She finds it all rather funny, until it st4rts to hurt.

Karkat: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME????

Oh, right. I was being yelled at.

Terezi: SORRY, 1 GOT LOST 1N 4 R3V3R13. WH4T W3R3 YOU S4Y1NG?  
Karkat: WHAT THE GULLET GORGING HELLBEAST BULGE DO YOU MEAN "REVERIE?"  
Terezi: RUD3  
Karkat: OH I'M SORRY, AM I BEING RUDE RIGHT NOW?? AM I OFFENDING YOUR DELICATE SENSIBILITIES WITH MY VULGARITY NOISES???  
Karkat: HAVE THE ENTHUSIASTIC EXPULSIONS OF MY BELLOWING OUTRAGE SACS CHAFED YOUR BOUGIE NETHERS??  
Terezi: Y34H 4 L1TTL3 B1T >:/  
Karkat: WELL I GUESS YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU BROKE INTO MY HIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!!!  
Terezi: 1 WOULDN'T H4V3 H4D TO BR34K 1N 1F YOU D1DN'T LOCK YOUR STUP1D DOOR  
Karkat: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY VICTIM BLAMING ME RIGHT NOW?  
Terezi: OK K4NKR1  
Karkat: WOW! WOW!!! THAT'S LOW EVEN FOR YOU!!!!  
Terezi: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD TRY D3FL3CT1NG N3XT T1M3 1NST34D OF PROV1NG M3 R1GHT  
Karkat: MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP SAYING MEAN THINGS THAT HURT ME  
Terezi: W3LL M4YB3 YOU SHOULD-  
Dave: (nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them sometimes i wonder)  
Karkat: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE  
Terezi: >:O  
Dave: (could do will distract me when i think of how i shot my)  
Terezi: 1S H3 R4PP1NG??  
Karkat: NOW? REALLY?? NOW??????  
Dave: (infinite words i could say i put all the pain you gave to me on display)

The stairs creak as Dave jauntily bops around the corner down the carpeted steps wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His eyes are closed, he's got earbuds in, and he's having a _gr 34t_ time.

Dave: didnt realize instead of setting it free i took what i hated and made it a part of me  
Dave: it never goes away uh  
Dave: it never goes away  
Dave: and now YOUVE BECOME A PART OF MEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Dave: ILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT HERE  
Dave: YOUVE BECOME A PART OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Karkat: DAVE!  
Dave: I CANT SE-PA-RAAAAATE MYSELF FROM WHAT IVE DONE  
Karkat: DAVE YOU FUCKING IDIOT  
Dave: GIVING UP A PART OF MEEEEEEEE  
Dave: IVE LET MYSELF BECOME YOOOOOOO-

When he finally opens his eyes, Dave goes so rigidly still he may have literally died. A strawberry blush claws its way up his cheek as one of his big, fuzzy cat ears twitches nervously. He pulls the earbuds out slowly.

Dave: uhh  
Dave: yo terezi whats uh  
Dave: whats up  
Terezi: NOT MUCH  
Dave: cool cool  
Dave: so did you hear any of that or  
Terezi: 3V3RY S3COND  
Dave: oh  
Dave: rad  
Dave: well  
Dave: at least it cant get any more awkward than-  
Terezi: 1S TH4T 4 T41L????

Dave's blush goes nuclear, his irradiated embarrassment only making his long, thin tail more pronounced as all its golden fur fluffs up.

Dave: yeah thats  
Dave: what  
Dave: that is  
Karkat: OH MY GOD DAVE  
Karkat: GO PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES  
Dave: i  
Dave:  
Dave: will

He backs slowly up the stairs, almost tripping on his own tail as he goes round the corner again. A door slams, and music starts playing loud enough that I can't tell if Dave is screaming or if that's just the song. Karkat is shaking his head, trying to tamp down the crimson flush that's burning through his face, but he can't hide anything from me.

Karkat: OH MY GOD  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 D4V3 H4S 4 T41L NOW, TH4T'S FUCK3D UP  
Karkat: YEAH, CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT-  
Terezi: H3Y, H4S H3 4CQU1R3D 4NY... _OTH3R_ SURPR1S1NG F3L1N3 F34TUR3S?  
Terezi: >;]

A whirlwind of panic and embarrassment spirals up Karkat's whole torso, sending him into a slow motion conniption. What's that sound he's making, is that a screech or a death rattle or-  
  
Karkat flails his fronds into my face, drags his greasy palms all over my cheeks and lips, fingers akimbo with wild abandon like gross little sausage fairies planting heavy kisses on my-  
  
He knocks my glasses off OK4Y TH4T'S 3NOUGH I open my mouth and chomp one of his fingers. Karkat screams and yanks his hands away. I lick his blood from my lips as I grab my glasses off the floor.

Terezi: MOR3 T4RT TH4N 1 W4S 3XP3CT1NG >:/  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??  
Terezi: TRUST M3, K4N4Y4'S 4 MUCH H4SRH3R H3MOCR1T1C  
Karkat: WHAT???  
Karkat: I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING THREE STAR REVIEW OF MY LIFE JUICE, I MEAN WHY DID YOU BITE ME!!!  
Terezi: YOU PUT YOUR GR4BBY B1TS ON MY F4C3  
Karkat: YOU ASKED INVASIVE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND'S ANATOMY!!!!  
Terezi: SO, WH4T, TH4T'S SUDD3NLY OFF L1M1TS NOW?  
Karkat: YES!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: LOOK 4T YOU MOV1NG TH3 GO4LPOSTS  
Terezi: 4NYW4Y 1'M NOT H34R1NG 4 NO R3: YOUR BOYFR13ND'S C4T D-  
Karkat: FUCK THIS SHUT UP ENTIRELY FUCK OFF SHUT IT!  
Karkat: I'M GOING TO GO CHECK ON DAVE AND HOPEFULLY DIE IN THE PROCESS  
Terezi: WOW, H4RSH

He stomps towards the stairs in his red and white crab pajamas and- hold on, what's that smell? Is that...  
  
Fairy dust?

Terezi: WHY 4R3 YOU W4LK1NG WH3N YOU H4V3 YOUR W1NGS OUT??

Karkat sighscreams with impressive enthusiasm.

Karkat: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OUT"???  
Karkat: ...  
Karkat: WAIT, WHERE THE FUCK ARE _YOUR_ WINGS?????  
Terezi: 1 PUT TH3M 4W4Y WH3N TH3Y'R3 NOT 1N US3, DUH  
Karkat: PUT THEM AWAY WHERE????!?!?!  
Terezi: >;]  
Karkat: WOW, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN!  
Karkat: I'M GOING UPSTAIRS, DON'T GO ANYWHERE  
Karkat: OR DO! AT THIS POINT I LITERALLY COULDN'T CARE LESS  
Terezi: GL4D TO S33 YOU TOO K4RK4T  
Karkat: HAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO FUCKING FUNNY  
Terezi: 1 KNOW

Karkat pauses mid-stride, one foot on the first step, hunched over and clenching his fists. 

Karkat: "I KNOW"  
Karkat: "I KNOW"??? HOLY FUCK TEREZI I MUST REALLY BE LOSING MY-  
Karkat: WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE??  
Terezi: 1 COULD 4SK YOU TH3 S4M3 TH1NG  
Karkat: THIS IS WHERE I LIVE!!!!!  
Terezi: 4 L1K3LY STORY

He spins in place and lunges towards me, and I know exactly when and how far to step away so that he sails right past and crashes face first into the carpet. Predictable aggression as always.

Karkat: HRRRHGHHHHMMMMMMMM  
Terezi: SORRY WH4T W4S TH4T?

Wings aflutter, Karkat hovers into the air and turns in my direction. His face is cherry tinted with rug burn as he throws his arms up in exasperation.

Karkat: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  
Terezi: M3?  
Karkat: YEAH, YOU!!  
Terezi: YOU'R3 TH3 ON3 Y3LL1NG  
Karkat: I'M ALWAYS YELLING!  
Terezi: B3L13V3 M3 1 KNOW  
Karkat: TEREZI, ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!!!

I don't say anything. I don't think anything. There is nothing meaningful to describe about my reaction because I basically don't have one.  
  
Karkat drifts down to his feet and approaches me hesitantly. Now his face smells like concern. What does he have to be concerned about? We're all just having fun here.

Karkat: WHAT'S GOING ON?  
Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T YOU'R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
Karkat: WHY ARE YOU LYING?  
Terezi: 1'V3 N3V3R TOLD 4 L13 4ND FR4NKLY 1 R3S3NT TH3-  
Karkat: STOP QUIPPING LIKE WE'RE IN A PRIMETIME MELODRAMA AND JUST TALK TO ME!  
Terezi: 1 4M T4LK1NG TO YOU  
Karkat: NO, YOU'RE BULLYING ME, WHICH YOU ONLY EVER DO WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO AVOID SOMETHING!  
Terezi: WH4T3V3R  
Karkat: WHATEVER???  
Karkat: YOU CARPETED MY RUMPUSBLOCK'S FLOOR HAIR WITH RAZOR SHARP GLASS AND THEN PASSED OUT HALF NAKED ON OUR COUCH! THAT'S A LOT MORE THAN "WHATEVER"!  
Terezi: 1F NOTH1NG 3LS3, TH3 1NT3NS1TY OF YOUR CONC3RN 1S V3RY TOUCH1NG  
Karkat: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER TO MY QUESTION, TEREZI.  
Terezi: 1'M F1N3!  
Karkat: YOU DON'T SOUND FINE.  
Terezi: WHY DO YOU 3V3N LOCK YOUR DOOR, 4NYW4Y?? TH4T'S 4WFULLY SUSP1C1OUS  
Karkat: NO ONE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWS HOW TO RESPECT BOUNDARIES OR THE SANCTITY OF PERSONAL PROPERTY, INCLUDING YOU APPARENTLY!  
Terezi: TH4T'S NOT V3RY COMMUN4L1ST OF YOU  
Karkat: FIRST OF ALL IT'S "COMMUNIST," SECOND OF ALL SUCK MY BULGE  
Terezi: NO TH4NKS  
Karkat: OH MY GOD.  
Karkat: WELL FUCK ME FOR GIVING ANY QUANTITY OF MY PRECIOUS EXCREMENT, I GUESS!  
Terezi: 1T'S NOT L1K3 1 4SK3D FOR 1T  
Karkat: STOP THAT!  
Karkat: STOP!!  
Karkat: FUCKING STOP, TEREZI!!!!  
Terezi: >:O  
Karkat: LEGITIMATELY, JUST STOP.   
Karkat: THIS ISN'T FUNNY OR CUTE, THIS IS GENUINELY DISTRESSING ON A PERSONAL LEVEL.  
Karkat: YOU DID LITERAL CRIMES AND FOR SOME REASON I'M GIVING YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE FUCKING DOUBT THAT YOU HAVEN'T LOST EVERY SINGLE SMOOTH SPHEROIDAL GLASS BEAD IN YOUR ADDLED FUCKING THINKPAN.  
Karkat: YOU CAN'T JUST RUTHLESSLY MAKE FUN OF ME RIGHT NOW!  
Terezi: WHY NOT  
Karkat: BECAUSE THE JOKE ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A BITCH YOU ARE STOPS BEING FUNNY WHEN YOU ACTUALLY ACT LIKE A BITCH!!  
Terezi: >:[  
Karkat: OH WHAT, WAS THAT TOO FAR??  
Karkat: DID I HURT YOUR-

I take one step towards him.  
  
Karkat's voice dies in his throat as he stammers backwards against the wall.  
  
When I stare down at him, there's only a few inches between our faces. Doesn't matter that my eyes don't work, Karkat's anger is drowning in fear all the same.

Terezi: DO YOU W4NT TO S4Y TH4T 4G41N?

He holds my gaze for a surprising length of time, but his resolve breaks soon enough. When he looks down and sees something oh god d4mn 1t

Karkat: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK?  
Terezi: 1T'S NON3 OF YOUR BUS1N3SS

I back off, turn around and start walking. I don't want to have this conversation, I don't-  
  
Suddenly the air smells like crimson, and I feel something warm and wet curl around my waist, holding me in place.

Terezi: PL34S3 G3T YOUR W31RD UNDUL4T1NG BLOOD ROP3S OFF MY M1DRIFF, V4NT4S  
Karkat: NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK-

I know everything that is about to happen.  
  
Every moment is just a series of coin flips filling out the probabilistic waveform of the future. Just as I've always felt the shape of thoughts, so too am I burdened with the shape of reality itself. I know these things so well that nothing surprises me anymore.  
  
Inasmuch as I can see anything, I see this:  
  
I will spin around and hurl the blunt end of one of my old segmented canes at his face. It's going to hit him square in the forehead, puncturing his skin and blinding him temporarily with a spurt of his sour blood. He will stumble backwards, clutching his face until he falls on his ass. Then I will stand ready to fight. I will want to fight. Because I'm pissed off and I want to do something about it. But he won't take the bait. He'll just tell me to fuck off and hobble angrily upstairs, and I'll feel bad about it, I'll know it was irrational, but it's the only way forward that isn't a concession.  
  
And I know how disappointing it will be for him to let me down. Though he courts it at every turn, Karkat can't stand real conflict. I want him to fight me. I want to fight him. I just want to f1ght SOM3ON3 WHO M4K3S S3NS3 TO M3 SO 1 C4N F33L 1N CONTROL 4g41n I spin around and hurl the blunt end of one of my old segmented canes at Karkat's face, hear it soar through the air like a missile, I see the infinite shapes of the future collapse into a singular disappointing present as Karkat predictably makes a shield out of his blood and d3fl3cts my 4tt4CK B4CK 4T M3 WHAT TH3 F ** _OH SH1T_**

Karkat: FUCK, TEREZI ARE YOU OKAY????  
Terezi: 444HHHHHH!!! >:[  
Karkat: WHY DID YOU ATTACK ME???  
Terezi: OW OW FUCK!!!  
Karkat: HOLY SHIT THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW  
Terezi: >>>>>:[  
Karkat: HERE JUST, JUST SIT DOWN ON THE  
Karkat: YEAH FINE SMEAR YOUR BLOOD ON THE WALL AND SQUAT ON THE GROUND LIKE AN ANIMAL, SURE  
Karkat: LET ME SEE THE  
Terezi: FUCK OFF  
Karkat: HEY, QUIT IT!  
Terezi: UGHHHHHH >:[  
Karkat: THANK YOU, WAS THAT SO HARD? OKAY LET'S GET A CLOSER LOOK AT-  
Karkat: WOW, THIS IS HILARIOUSLY BAD!!  
Karkat: I CAN SEE YOUR SKULL RIGHT NOW. GROSS.  
Karkat: I'M GONNA CLOSE THIS UP WITH THE BLOOD POWERS THAT I HAVE.  
Terezi: BR4G 4BOUT 1T WHY DON'T YOUUUUFUCK TH4T HURTS!!  
Karkat: WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ATTACKED ME!  
Terezi: OH Y34H?  
Karkat: YEAH!  
Terezi: OH Y34H???  
Karkat: YEAH!! YES! HOLY FUCK TEREZI, WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A STUBBORN WIGGLER RIGHT NOW?  
Terezi:   
Karkat: WHAT WAS THAT, A HARUMPH?  
Terezi: >:[  
Karkat: YOU CAN'T HARUMPH YOURSELF OUT OF EXPLAINING WHAT HORRIFYING EXTRATERRESTRIAL PARASITE CRAWLED UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE.  
Terezi: W4TCH M3  
Karkat: JUST TALK TO ME, TEREZI!  
Karkat: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Terezi isn't thinking anything as Karkat wiggles his fingers like a magician over her forehead. The bleeding stops. There's nothing else to talk about.

Terezi: TH3R3'S NOTH1NG TO T4LK 4BOUT  
Karkat: YEAH I BET.  
Terezi: WH4T DO YOU W4NT M3 TO S4Y??  
Karkat: ANYTHING?  
Karkat: LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO START  
Terezi: 1 DON'T L1K3 TH4T 1'M BL33D1NG R1GHT NOW  
Karkat: AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?  
Terezi: YOURS OBV1OUSLY  
Karkat: BECAUSE I DEFENDED MYSELF!  
Terezi: YOU W3R3N'T SUPPOS3D TO, THOUGH  
Karkat: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  
Terezi: 1T M34NS...

It means that Karkat valued his own safety over their friendship, is what she wants to say. Terezi can feel the words forming like an irrational coil of barbed wire hatred on her tongue, can practically feel them dragging across the surface of his heart, and-  
  
Why is she doing this?  
  
Why can't she just

Karkat: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?

Yeah, that.  
  
She wants to say that she doesn't know. Of course she knows. She always knows. I always know too much. Sometimes I think I'd do anything to get rid of all this _knowing._  
  
Wow, this is stupid.

Terezi: 1'M SORRY  
Terezi: 1T'S B33N 4 LONG N1GHT  
Karkat: ...

She feels something pinch on her forehead, and then

Terezi: OWWW WH4T TH3 FUCK?!  
Karkat: THE FUCK IS THAT I'M DOING A BAD JOB ON PURPOSE UNTIL YOU TALK TO ME  
Terezi: >:O  
Karkat: I MIGHT EVEN FUCK IT UP SO BAD THAT YOUR ENTIRE FACE MELTS OFF, WHO KNOWS? I SURE DON'T!!  
Terezi: YOU R34LLY 4R3 JUST OV3RFLOW1NG W1TH SURPR1S3S TOD4Y, HUH?  
Terezi: TH1S 1S 4 L3V3L OF CONN1V1NG 1 D1DN'T TH1NK YOU W3R3 C4P4BL3 OF  
Terezi: R3SP3CT  
Karkat: I'M NOT ENJOYING THIS, TEREZI!! UNLIKE YOU I'M NOT A DERANGED PSYCHOPATH WHO LUSTS FOR VIOLENCE AT EVERY FUCKING TURN.  
Terezi: TH3N WHY 4R3 YOU DO1NG 1T?  
Karkat: BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO GET THROUGH TO YOU!! HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I'M WORRIED BEFORE YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?  
Terezi: >:|  
Karkat: IT'S HONESTLY A FUCKING MIRACLE I HAVEN'T THROWN YOUR SORRY RUMP CUSHION OUT ON THE POLLUTION ARTERIES ALREADY!  
Karkat: WHY _AM_ I DOING THIS?  
Karkat: WHY AM I GIVING YOU INFINITE GOOD FAITH WHEN YOU LITERALLY TRIED TO GIVE ME A CONCUSSION IN MY OWN HIVE?  
Karkat: COULD IT BE THAT I AM TERMINALLY ILL WITH THE CANCEROUS HUMAN DISEASE CALLED FRIENDSHIP?  
Terezi: TH1S 1SN'T 4 CRY FOR H3LP 1F TH4T'S WH4T YOU'R3 1MPLY1NG  
Karkat: THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS IT, EXACTLY???? BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE DEFINITELY DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS FURIOUS AT YOU.

Silence.  
  
I  
  
feel too much. The pain Karkat's driving into my skull isn't enough to distract me from what's really hurting. It's not enough to keep the bruises on my neck from aching.  
  
It's not enough to deafen my senses, to drown my thoughts, to obscure the infinite pathways of causality ahead of me. Pathways that I seem to have lost touch with.  
  
I'm not used to all these surprises.

Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW WHY 1 C4M3 H3R3  
Terezi: 1T W4S MY F1RST 1NST1NCT  
Terezi: 1 H4T3 4DM1TT1NG 1T, BUT TH4T'S WH4T 1'V3 GOT  
Terezi: NOTH1NG M4K3S S3NS3 4NYMOR3, K4RK4T  
Terezi: 1T F33LS L1K3 1'M B4CK ON TH3 SH1P W41T1NG FOR SOM3TH1NG TO H4PP3N, FOR SOM3ON3 TO T3LL M3 WH4T TO DO  
Terezi: 1 THOUGHT 1 W4S 1N CONTROL H3R3  
Terezi: W1TH JUN3  
Terezi: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S GOOD  
Terezi: BUT TH3N SH3 JUST _H4D_ TO...

The pain has stopped, but the bleeding's kicked back up again.

Karkat: HAD TO WHAT?

Through the overwhelming sensorial haze of my own blood I can barely tell how he's reacting.

Karkat: WHERE'S JUNE?

What do I say to him?  
  
What do I say to anyone?

Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW WH3R3 SH3 1S  
Karkat: WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS?  
Terezi: WH4T 4M 1 H3R K33P3R  
Karkat: LITERALLY YES  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: SH3'S PROB4BLY B4CK HOM3 CRY1NG 4T SOM3ON3  
Karkat: WHY ISN'T THAT SOMEONE YOU??  
Terezi: B3C4US3 1 N33D3D TO G3T OUT  
Terezi: 1 N33D3D TO BR34TH3 D1FF3R3NT 41R  
Karkat: ...  
Karkat: YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT DIDN'T YOU  
Terezi: TH4T'S ON3 W4Y TO PUT 1T  
Karkat: TEREZI YOU COULD HAVE CALLED  
Terezi: 1 DON'T H4V3 4 PHON3 4NYMOR3  
Karkat: YOU _STILL_ DON'T HAVE A PHONE??  
Terezi: WH4T DO 1 N33D 4 PHON3 FOR?? TO K33P UP W1TH 4LL TH3 L4T3ST GOSS1P 4BOUT MY CLOS3 P3RSON4L FR13NDS?  
Karkat: TO ACTUALLY KEEP UP WITH YOUR CLOSE PERSONAL FRIENDS INSTEAD OF DISAPPEARING OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET  
Terezi: >:|  
Terezi: 1S TH4T WH4T YOU TH1NK 1'M DO1NG?  
Karkat: WHAT  
Karkat: DISAPPEARING??  
Terezi: Y3S  
Karkat: YOU BARELY TALK TO ME ANYMORE. OUTSIDE OF RANDOM MEETINGS I DON'T THINK WE'VE JUST "HANGED OUT" IN MONTHS  
Karkat: YOU'VE BEEN BACK FOR NEARLY HALF A SWEEP AND YOU ALMOST NEVER LEAVE YOUR HIVE  
Karkat: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO INTERPRET THAT BESIDES "MY BEST FRIEND IS DISAPPEARING OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET"  
Terezi: >:[  
Karkat: HAVE YOU EVEN TALKED TO ANYONE ABOUT BEING OUT IN SPACE FOR SO LONG?  
Terezi: ...  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU, TEREZI?

She is not emotional about this. Nothing happened to her, I'm fine. Terezi is fine, she's fantastic, she has never been better in her short pitiful life and she  
  
resents the  
  
implication  
  
that  
  
I  
  
1 C4N'T HOLD MYS3LF UP 4NYMOR3  
1 4M ON MY KN33S COV3R1NG MY F4C3  
1 C4N'T STOP SOBB1NG  
1T POURS OUT OF M3 L1K3 4 TH1CK L1M3 FL4VOR3D SL1M3 TH4T WOULD B3 D3L1C1OUS 1F 1T W3R3N'T PUR3 D3PR3SS1ON

Karkat: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY???  
Terezi: NO 1'M NOT OK4Y!!!!!  
Terezi: 1'M SOBB1NG 1N FRONT OF K4RK4T FUCK1NG V4NT4S OF COURS3 1'M NOT OK4Y  
Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 1'M DO1NG H3R3  
Terezi: 1 F33L COMPL3T3LY PURPOS3L3SS  
Karkat: NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T HAVE PURPOSES TEREZI  
Terezi: 1 KNOW!! 1T'S 4WFUL!!  
Terezi: HOW DO3S ANYON3 L1V3 L1K3 TH1S  
Terezi: HOW DO 1 L1V3 L1K3 TH1S  
Terezi: 3XPL41N 1T TO M3 CR4B BOY  
Karkat: YOU WANT _ME_ TO EXPLAIN DOMESTIC LIFE TO YOU???  
Terezi: Y3S!!  
Karkat: HOLY SHIT I AM SO FUCKING FAR FROM THE RIGHT PERSON TO ASK THAT QUESTION  
Terezi: BUT YOU'V3 B33N DO1NG 1T FOR SW33PS!!  
Terezi: TH3 WHOL3 T1M3 YOU KNUCKL3H34DS W3R3 G3TT1NG BOR3D PL4Y1NG V1D3O G4M3S 4ND F33L1NG V4GU3 3X1ST3NT14L 3NNU1, 1 W4S STUCK 1N TH3 VO1D W1TH 3X4CTLY ON3 MOT1V4T1ON TH4T TURN3D OUT TO B3 4 W4ST3 OF FUCK1NG T1M3  
Terezi: HOW DO 1 B3 OK4Y W1TH TH4T??  
Terezi: HOW DO 1 JUST L1V3 MY L1F3 WH3N 3MPTY SP4C3 F33LS MOR3 L1K3 HOM3 TH4N TH3 WORLD 1 H3LP3D CR34T3  
Terezi: EXPL41N 1T TO M3 SO 1 C4N JUST B3 H4PPY W1TH HOW TH1NGS 4R3 1NST34D OF OBS3SS1NG OV3R 4LL TH3 W4YS TH3Y COULD H4V3 B33N

K4RK4T DO3SN'T S4Y 4NYTH1NG, BUT 1 F33L H1M CROUCH DOWN N3XT TO M3 4ND G1V3 M3 4 HUG

Terezi: TH1S 1S TH3 MOST HUM1L14T1NG MOM3NT OF MY L1F3  
Karkat: SHUT UP  
Terezi: WHO 4M 1, _JUN3??_  
Karkat: I SAID SHUT UP TEREZI  
Karkat: SHUT UP AND ACCEPT THE HORRIBLE FACT THAT I THINK IT'S GOOD YOU'RE CRYING AND I'M GLAD YOU TRUST ME ENOUGH TO DO IT  
Karkat: REALLY WISH YOU'D JUST CALLED AND ASKED FOR THIS SERVICE INSTEAD OF BREAKING INTO MY HOME AND THREATENING MY LIFE  
Karkat: BUT AT LEAST IT'S PROGRESS  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 1'M 4CC3PT1NG P1TY FROM 4 MUT4NT L1K3 YOU  
Karkat: OH PLEASE  
Karkat: YOU DIDN'T BUY INTO THE HEMOIST EUGENICS OF THE EMPIRE EVEN _BEFORE_ SGRUB  
Terezi: >:[  
Karkat: THIS THING YOU DO WHERE YOU UNDERCUT EVERY GENUINE EMOTION YOU FEEL WITH AN INSULT AIMED AT EITHER YOURSELF OR WHOEVER YOU'RE TALKING TO?  
Karkat: THAT'S A FUCKING COPING MECHANISM  
Terezi: TH4NKS FOR TH3 D14GNOS1S ROS3  
Karkat: I DON'T NEED A KNOWLEDGE RECEIPT IN THINKPAN TROUBLESHOOTING TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING  
Karkat: I DO THE SAME SHIT TEREZI, I'M NOT JUDGING  
Terezi: ...  
Terezi: ...  
Karkat: ARE YOU GOING TO SAY SOMETHING?  
Terezi: 1...  
Terezi: 1 D34L 1N PROB4B1L1T13S

I shrug out from under his arms and lean against the wall, because I cannot fucking bear to feel comfort in a boy's arms for single second longer than I already have.

Karkat: OKAY???  
Terezi: 1 S33 TH3 OUTCOM3S OF OUR CHO1C3S 4ND W31GH TH31R CONS3QU3NC3S  
Terezi: YOU KNOW WH4T 1'V3 S33N NONSTOP FOR PR3TTY MUCH TH3 3NT1R3 T1M3 S1NC3 1'V3 B33N B4CK?  
Terezi: A B4RR3N W4ST3L4ND OF FUCK4LL  
Terezi: WH4T K1ND OF S4NDW1CH W1LL 1 H4V3? WH4T BR4ND OF 3XTR4CT3D V3G4N GRUB P4ST3 W1LL 1 BUY?  
Terezi: 4 M1LL1ON 1NCONS3QU3NT14L CHO1C3S TH4T M4K3 NO D1FF3R3NC3 TO 4NYTH1NG OR 4NYBODY  
Terezi: 4T F1RST 1T W4S 4 N1C3 R3SP1T3 4FT3R D1RK'S T3MP3R T4NTRUM  
Terezi: JUN3 N33D3D T1M3 TO R3ST 4ND R3COV3R 4ND SO D1D 1  
Terezi: BUT 1T'S ST1LL JUST TH4T!!!  
Terezi: 1T'S B33N TH4T FOR SO FUCK1NG LONG 1 C4N'T 3V3N PR3D1CT HOW YOU'R3 GO1NG TO R34CT WH3N 1 THROW 4 D4NG3ROUS OBJ3CT 4T YOU  
Karkat: WHERE DOES JUNE FIT IN THIS??  
Karkat: SORRY TO PRY BUT ALSO YOU'RE LITERALLY JUST EXPOSITING AT ME  
Terezi: JUN3 1S...  
Terezi: SH3'S F1N3  
Karkat: ...  
Karkat: FINE?????  
Karkat: SHE'S _FINE???!?!?!_  
Terezi: SH3'S F1N3  
Terezi: SH3'S GOOD  
Terezi: 1 LOV3 H3R V3RY MUCH  
Terezi: BUT SH3 1S SO UNPR3D1CT4BL3 SOM3T1M3S, 4ND NOT 1N 4 QU1RKY 3XC1T34BL3 F41RY F4NT4SY BRO4D W4Y  
Karkat: WHAT WAY IS SHE THEN?  
Terezi: WH4T3V3R W4Y 1NVOLV3S TRY1NG TO K1LL M3 1N MY SL33P B3C4US3 SH3 TH1NKS SH3'S VR1SK4  
Karkat: SHE  
Karkat: SHE DID WHAT????  
Terezi: SH3 TR13D TO STR4NGL3 M3 TO DE4TH  
Karkat: SHE DID THAT??? SHE ACTUALLY DID THAT.  
Terezi: Y3S BUT 1T'S F1N3  
Karkat: THAT'S WHY YOUR NECK IS BRUISED???  
Karkat: HOLY FUCKING SHIT TEREZI I THOUGHT YOU GOT KICKED BY A RABID HOOFBEAST OR SOMETHING!!  
Terezi: Y34H W3LL L1K3 1 S41D 1T'S F1N3  
Karkat: IT REALLY DOESN'T SOUND FINE!!  
Karkat: IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND LITERALLY ASSAULTED YOU  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: TH1S 1S WHY 1 D1DN'T W4NT TO T3LL YOU WH4T H4PP3N3D, 1 KN3W YOU'D M4K3 4 WHOL3 TH1NG OUT OF 1T  
Karkat: MAKE A  
Karkat: TEREZI IF THERE HAS EVER BEEN AN EVENT WORTH MAKING A "THING" OUT OF IT'S THIS!!!   
Karkat: I'M GONNA FUCKING CALL HER AND-  
Terezi: DON'T C4LL H3R!!!!  
Karkat: WHY NOT  
Terezi: B3C4US3 1F 1 H34R H3R VO1C3 R1GHT NOW 1'M PROB4BLY GO1NG TO BR34K 3V3RY WORTHL3SS OBJ3CT 1N YOUR STUP1D L1TTL3 H1V3

When she can taste the bafflement in the purses of his lips, Terezi immediately realizes this was a stupid thing to say.

Karkat: TEREZI, DOES JUNE...  
Terezi: DON'T S4Y 1T  
Karkat: ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?  
Terezi: OH MY GODDDDDDD NO 1'M NOT 1N 4N 4BUS1V3 R3L4T1ONSH1P  
Terezi: 1 KNOW 1T SOUNDS B4D BUT  
Karkat: IT SOUNDS BAD, LOOKS BAD, FEELS BAD, AND LITERALLY IS BAD IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY  
Terezi: 1 G3T TH4T!! 1 H34R WH4T YOU'R3 T3LL1NG M3 AND 1 DON'T D1S4GR33  
Terezi: BUT 1'M T3LL1NG YOU TH4T TH1S W4S NOT 4N 4BUS3 TH1NG, TH1S W4S 4 DUMB BR41N TH1NG  
Terezi: JUN3 1S 4 LOT OF TH1NGS BUT SH3 1SN'T TH4T  
Karkat: THEN WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT HEARING HER VOICE?  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: 1 DON'T M1ND WH4T SH3 D1D  
Terezi: M4YB3 TH4T'S COMPL3T3LY UNF4THOM4BL3 TO YOU 4ND 1 DON'T C4R3  
Terezi: 1T'S WH4T SH3 S41D TH4T HURTS  
Karkat: SO, WHAT DID SHE SAY?

How can she explain this in a way that doesn't sound utterly deranged? Despite her outward performance of being completely oblivious to social norms, Terezi is painfully aware of what everyone expects from her at all times. She can read in every pheromone how they see her, how they judge her, how they really feel when they're lying through their ugly hum4n t33th.

Terezi: TH3 SP3C1F1CS DON'T M4TT3R  
Karkat: ACTUALLY I THINK-  
Terezi: 1 DON'T C4R3 WH4T YOU TH1NK  
Terezi: NOT 4BOUT TH1S  
Terezi: 1 DO NOT H4V3 TH3 P4T13NC3 TO DO 4N 1RON1C DOM3ST1C B4TT3RY BLOW BY BLOW W1TH YOU R1GHT NOW  
Terezi: 1 DON'T 3V3N W4NT TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1T 1F 1'M B31NG HON3ST  
Karkat: WHY NOT??  
Terezi: B3C4US3 JUN3 4ND 1 N33D TO H4V3 4 R34LLY FUCK1NG D1FF1CULT CONV3RS4T1ON 4ND 1 KNOW 3X4CTLY HOW 1T'S GO1NG TO 3ND  
Karkat: H-  
Terezi: YOU'R3 NOT MY TH3R4P1ST, V4NT4S!! 1 S41D 1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T SO 1'M NOT GO1NG TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T!!  
Karkat: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET OFF THAT EASY?

Just then Karkat's phone rings. He stares at me blankly for a second before glancing down at its screen. His face molders over into a wrinkled peach of revulsion.

Karkat: UGH, THIS BITCH AGAIN  
Terezi: >:?  
Karkat: IT'S JANE. HOLD ON I HAVE TO TAKE THIS  
Terezi: YOU H4V3 TO T4K3 4 C4LL FROM _J4N3 CROCK3R??_  
Karkat: WH4T DO YOU WANT YOU BATTER SLINGING HARLOT??  
Jane: [Well, I never!]  
Karkat: I WISH YOU WOULD ACTUALLY NEVER  
Jane: [I am only calling to check in with you about the arrangements we discussed!]  
Karkat: ARRANGEMENTS?  
Karkat: DON'T YOU HAVE INDENTURED SERVANTS FOR THAT  
Jane: [Oh please, they're interns.]  
Karkat: THAT'S WHAT I SAID  
Karkat: LOOK THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU'VE CALLED ME ABOUT EGBERT'S STUPID BIRTHDAY PARTY AND THE SECOND TIME I'M TELLING YOU I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AND MAY NOT EVEN SHOW UP  
Jane: [I understand that, Mr. Vantas-]  
Karkat: WHY DO YOU DO THAT? WHY DO YOU CALL EVERYONE MISTER AND MISS??  
Jane: [It's only polite.]  
Karkat: LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR POLITENESS  
Jane: [Please, can we table the squabbling for a moment? I... I need to talk to you about something.]  
Karkat: YEAH YOU AND EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN OUR FRIENDGROUP APPARENTLY  
Jane: [What? No, nevermind, it's none of my business.]  
Jane: [Hear me out, please. I have been thinking about what you said.]  
Karkat: WHAT DID I SAY?  
Jane: [About... well, about capitalism.]  
Karkat: ...  
Karkat: what the fuck?

He suddenly becomes instantly aware that I can hear every word Jane says, so he shoos me away with his hand and scurries off down the hall to the kitchen.  
  
Now would be a good time to sit down on the couch and think long and hard about the conversation I just had. Instead, I walk upstairs and knock on Dave's door. He tries to ignore me, but eventually turns the volume down of his disgusting human "butt rock" to hear me out.

Terezi: H3Y N3RD, OP3N UP  
Dave: (business hours are closed)  
Terezi: 1 DON'T S33 4NY S1GN4G3  
Dave: (you dont see anything because youre blind)  
Terezi: YOU C4N'T B4R M3 FROM 3NTRY W1THOUT TH3 PROP3R NOT1C3S OF OP3R4T1V3 HOURS POST3D 1N 4 CONV3N13NT LOC4T1ON  
Dave: (thats a fake law you just said)  
Terezi: 1N TH3 T1M3 1T'LL T4K3 YOU TO LOOK 1T UP 1T W1LL 4LR34DY B3 TOO L4T3  
Dave: (this is fun and all but im not exactly in the mood to talk right now)  
Terezi: W4NN4 T4LK 4BOUT 1T? >:0  
Dave: (...)  
Dave: (yeah sure fine)

Dave swings open the door, and I'm hit by a scent that's somehow half of what the downstairs smells like. But with something new on top? Something feral-  
  
Wait, fuck that, Dave's emergent cat smell is way less interesting than the fact that he's wearing a tanktop and a skirt right now, with a big knit beanie that covers his feline ears.

Terezi: WH4T 1S TH1S OUTF1T  
Terezi: WH3N D1D YOU ST4RT W34R1NG SK1RTS  
Dave: dont get any ideas ok its just  
Dave: more comfortable with the tail  
Terezi: WHY NOT MOD1FY YOUR OLD CLOTH3S  
Dave: and ruin a perfectly good pair of denim slacks  
Dave: are you high  
Terezi: NO >:(  
Dave: oh  
Dave: do you want to be?

She steps into his room and makes a show of glancing all around, a routine Terezi puts on to help people feel less weird about the way she notices little details in their spaces.  
  
He closes the door and watches Terezi like a rodent watches a hawk, or how medieval jokester-slaves probably watched their feudal lords.

Dave: you can cut it out with the fake looking around routine terezi  
Terezi: TH3R3'S NOTH1NG F4K3 4BOUT 1T  
Dave: yeah i bet  
Dave: so are you gonna answer my question or what  
Terezi: UHHH  
Terezi: 4BOUT GO1NG H1GH?  
Dave: i know you know what weed is  
Terezi: YOU C4N'T PROV3-  
Dave: did karkat send you up here because hes sick of dealing with your whole _you_ routine or is this genuinely sparking joy in your heart  
Terezi: >:/  
Terezi: 1 C4M3 UP H3R3 TO S33 HOW MY F4VOR1T3 HUM4N BOY 1S DO1NG  
Dave: mm  
Terezi: mm?  
Dave: yeah thats the noise i just made  
Dave: keen senses as always

He plops down on the floor next to his bed and pulls out a little branded bag covered in rainbows.

Dave: so you want to get high or what  
Terezi: HOLY SH1T D4V3 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 K1DD1NG  
Dave: do i look like the kind of person who would kid about substances  
Dave: here

With a flick of his wrist, he tosses a little cube wrapped in plastic at Terezi's face. It bounces off her forehead and lands in her hands.

Terezi: OW  
Terezi: WH4T 1S TH1S  
Dave: its an edible  
Terezi: MOST TH1NGS 4R3  
Dave: i mean its edible weed  
Terezi: W33DS 4R3-  
Dave: dude either take the drug or leave me alone please  
Terezi: 1S TH4T 4N ULT1M4TUM  
Dave: sure  
Terezi: HRMM

She turns it over in her hands, hears its wrapper crinkling even over the sound of some long dead chain-smoker shouting about the economy over a chorus of out of tune electric guitars.

Terezi: WOULD YOU B3L13V3 1'V3 N3V3R DON3 DRUGS  
Dave: no  
Terezi: >:/

Terezi puts the whole thing in her mouth and chews. At first there's nothing, because plastic is bizarrely flavorless. Then her sharp teeth cut through it, and she's hit with a shock of sw33tn3ss so sudd3n 1t 4lmost sc4r3s m3  
  
The edible goes down rough, dragging slowly along the length of her throat.

Terezi: TH4T W4S 4N 3XTR3M3LY UNPL34S4NT 3XP3R1N3C3  
Dave: i mean ideally you take it out of the wrapper first  
Terezi: OH SUR3, N3XT YOU'R3 GONN4 T3LL M3 YOU'R3 SUPPOS3D TO T4K3 TH3 SK1N OFF OF 4N1M4LS B3FOR3 YOU 34T TH3M, TOO  
Terezi: 4S 1F  
Dave: actually  
Terezi: SO WH4T H4PP3NS N3XT  
Terezi: TR1PPY V1S1ONS OF MY L1F3 B3FOR3 D34TH??  
Terezi: D4NC1NG B34RS 4ND SUCH  
Terezi: 1'M SO R34DY FOR 4 PSYCHOT1C 3XP3R13NC3  
Dave: i think you mean psychedelic and unfortunately thats not really on the menu what with weed not being a hallucinogen and all  
Terezi: OH  
Terezi: TH3N WH4T'S TH3 PO1NT  
Dave: are you actually asking  
Terezi: Y3S  
Dave: uh  
Dave: wow so have you actually never done drugs before  
Terezi: 1'M 4 L4W 4B1D1NG M3MB3R OF TROLL SOC13TY, D4V1D  
Terezi: SUR3 1'V3 SN1FF3D MY W4Y THROUGH 4 P4CK OR TWO OF M4RK3RS, M4YB3 1MB1B3D 4 L1TTL3 SOPOR SL1M3 JUST TO CH3CK, WHO H4SN'T  
Dave: karkat  
Terezi: W3LL TH4T'S 4 G1V3N  
Dave: guess i shouldnt be too shocked since i only really started partaking of the devils lettuce on the reg in the last year or so myself  
Terezi: R34LLY??  
Dave: everyones always so surprised  
Dave: like goddamn dave i thought you popped out the ectopussy blunt in hand  
Dave: might as well have been a stoner this whole time  
Dave: probably would have been better off for it too  
Dave: oh well right  
Dave: what the fuck else can you do  
Terezi: D13  
Dave: allegedly

She sits down on the floor next to him and taps her fingers on her arm.

Terezi: SO 1S TH1S SUPPOS3D TO DO SOMETH1NG OR  
Dave: eventually  
Dave: its not as fast as smoking but my lungs are too delicate for that  
Terezi: SO HOW'S L1F3  
Dave: uh  
Dave: thats kind of a crazy huge question to just drop down in the middle of an otherwise low stakes conversation  
Dave: hey dave whats weed also can i have some  
Dave: double also how is your entire existence shaping up  
Dave: oh you know no big  
Dave: i mean im kind of betting on never being perceived ever again but other than that im chill as ice  
Terezi: YOUR S4RC4SM DO3SN'T FOOL M3  
Dave: damn and here i thought i was gonna finally pull one over on the great detective terezi pyrope  
Dave: all those years of plotting undone by a single errant sentence  
Dave: life is bad is how life is  
Dave: there you caught me red handed  
Dave: hows life for you  
Terezi: >:|

Something in Terezi's chest is tugging, and she can't quite pinpoint why.

Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW  
Dave:  
Dave: huh  
Terezi: WH4T  
Dave: dont think ive ever heard you say that  
Terezi: TH4T'S B3C4US3 1 KNOW 3V3RYTHING WORTH KNOWING  
Terezi: 1'M JUST H4V1NG 4 W31RD F3W D4YS 1S 4LL  
Dave: uhuh  
Dave: welcome to the club i guess  
Dave: so what the fuck happened to your face  
Terezi: YOUR BOYFR13ND 4SS4ULT3D M3 W1THOUT C4US3  
Dave: yeah that sounds like something he would do

The silence wraps around them as Dave pulls out his phone and begins searching through his music library, presumably for something insufferable. Terezi lays her head back onto his bed and lets the shape of his room fill her senses.  
  
A lot of the stuff he had when she first encountered him on the other side of a screen is still here: turntables, critters in jars, posters, swords. But unlike June's room was when Terezi first got here, everything is arranged differently. Some of it hasn't been used in ages.  
  
Something about the space feels off to her, but she can't quite place it. Why does it smell so much like Dave, but not at all like Karkat?

Terezi: HOW 4R3 TH3 PURRB34ST 34RS TR34T1NG YOU  
Dave: can we not  
Terezi: WHY  
Dave: because i would rather not  
Terezi: T4UTOLOG1C4L R34SON1NG  
Dave: more like tauntological  
Terezi: TH4T'S NOT 4 TH1NG  
Dave: its wordplay  
Terezi: 1T'S L13S 1S WH4T 1T 1S  
Dave: everything is lies to you  
Dave: good ol red shades rezi out here sniffing lies like a dimestore sherlock  
Dave: man can you imagine using dimes  
Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 4 D1M3S 1S  
Dave: just walking up on the dimestore clerk all cocksure like sup bro whatve you got for a fella with a pocketful of dimes  
Dave: dude smirks all casual like and says buddy have i got good news for you  
Terezi: WHY WOULD YOU GO TO 4 D1M3STOR3 1F YOU 4LR34DY H4V3 D1M3S  
Dave: no its like a dollar store where you go in and everything costs a dollar except its dimes  
Terezi: TH4T M34NS NOTH1NG TO M3  
Dave: come on man this is basic stuff here  
Terezi: DON'T C4LL M3 M4N  
Dave: did i call you man  
Terezi: Y3S  
Dave: when  
Terezi: JUST NOW, 4ND 4LSO 4 F3W M1NUT3S 4GO  
Dave: you telling me i did it twice  
Terezi: Y3S  
Dave: well thats hells of problematic of me huh  
Dave: my bad  
Terezi: HRMM  
Dave: hrmm  
Terezi: DON'T MOCK M3  
Dave: i would never

He switches the music to something surprisingly soft. A long-dead white man croons about how the girl he's stalking doesn't notice him. Terezi decides it's best not to pay attention to the lyrics and just let the mood wash over her, because sh3's st4rt1ng to... f33l som3th1ng

Dave: ive been trying out this meme poetry shit from that book jade gave me and its easily the second most disappointing thing i got from that encounter  
Terezi: WH4T W4S TH3 F1RST  
Dave: i mean this book is like  
Dave: you say meme poetry to me and my heart lights up with joy you know  
Dave: im like oh shit hell yes i want to be a meme poet sign me up  
Dave: gonna go to the local open mics in a black turtleneck and impress the dames with my verbal wiles  
Dave: but then you open the book and just

Dave wriggles his fingers and shoulders into a weird shrug, sticking his tongue out of a grape-smelling grimace.

Dave: remember i can has cheezburger cat terezi  
Terezi: UH  
Dave: i remember i can has cheezburger cat  
Dave: theres something beautiful about a picture of a cat that just tells you exactly what it wants you know  
Dave: yeah dude the universe is ending  
Dave: give that cat a burg  
Dave: well this fuckin meme poetry book is like what if i can has cheezburger was even more insufferable  
Dave: its like  
Dave: i can haz the color of green tea over rice  
Dave: philosoraptor asks the sound of one hand clapping  
Dave: the premise of this whole discipline seems to be what if we took the purest form of internet comedy and shoved it all the way up its own rectum  
Dave: like a butthole ouroboros  
Dave: an ouroborass if you will  
Dave: and then you shoved that up the butt of some white creative writing undergrad in his early twenties  
Dave: it blows is what im saying  
Terezi: SUR3  
Dave: ah youre not getting it  
Dave: hold on let me find you an example

He fishes under his bed for...  
  
something,  
  
but I can't really follow him anymore. There's something warm spiraling in my guts and it's making me feel dizzy. Reminds me how long it's been since I last slept, except I'm not tired. Well, I'm exhausted, but I'm not-  
  
Hrmm.  
  
My thoughts are, slower.  
  
Dave says something about dogs and I don't know what that means. Did he get chased by a dog?  
  
Weird.  
  
This music is nice. Peaceful.  
  
  
Reminds me of the void, for some reason.  
  
  
  
In the dark.  
  
  
  
  
Out in the darkness.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm looking for her. Something happened to her and I have to find out what. If she's still alive.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm hurtling through the empty vacuum, past the shards of shattered space, silence all around me for centuries or maybe even days as I try to unknow what I know.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There, I sense her. Blueberry bubblegum blood. No.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
No.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I find a body and it's hers and she's rotted out. It's my fault. I did this to her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
1 L3FT H3R OUT H3R3 TO D13  
  
  
  
  
1 G4V3 UP 4ND S3TTL3D FOR SOM3ON3 1 DON'T 3V3N L1K3 TH4T MUCH  
  
  
  
No, that's not true. I love June. It's just, she's not...

Dave: you ok down there

Awake.  
  
I'm still on the floor of Dave's room. It's dark now. Why is it dark? I've got a pillow next to me, and a blanket on my lap.

Terezi: HOW LONG W4S 1 4SL33P  
Dave: i dunno a while  
Dave: sounded like you were having some bad dreams so i turned off the lights and decided to vibe out to some floyd  
Dave: you doing ok  
Terezi: NO  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK 1 H4V3 TO BR34K UP W1TH JUN3  
Dave: uh  
Dave: what the fuck  
Terezi: >:|  
Terezi: FORG3T 1 S41D TH4T  
Dave: um  
Dave: look its none of my business or anything but like  
Terezi: 1T 1S NON3 OF YOUR BUS1N3SS 4ND YOU SHOULD FORG3T TH4T 1-  
Terezi: WH3R3'S K4RK4T?  
Dave: oh  
Dave: hes uh  
Dave: sleeping in his room i guess  
Terezi: "H1S ROOM" ??  
Dave: oh my god  
Dave: its not like that ok  
Terezi: NOT L1K3 WH4T  
Dave: look i was practically asleep when you woke up im not at my verbal best right now  
Dave: i just need some space  
Dave: thats a thing that happens in relationships sometimes  
Terezi: WHY  
Dave: because im half cat now is why  
Dave: snarky broads like you take one look at me and see a series of punchlines  
Dave: i was bullied enough as a kid i dont need that shit anymore  
Terezi: NO BUT WHY WOULDNT YOU W4NT TO B3 CLOS3 TO YOUR BOYFR13ND  
Dave: i dunno man im just fucking over it  
Dave: not him obviously i love him  
Dave: its me thats the problem and he cant help  
Terezi: 1F ONLY YOU KN3W OTH3R P3OPL3 WHO H4D 4 D1FF1CULT T1M3 4CC3PT1NG CH4NG3S TO TH31R BODY  
Dave: haha wow great catch there terezi  
Dave: really telling me what i dont already know tonight  
Terezi: 1S 1T R34LLY TH4T H4RD B31NG P4RT C4T  
Dave: no  
Dave: thats the problem  
Dave: its kind of what i always wanted and i dont know what to do with that  
Terezi: >:O  
Dave: wow dont know why im being so open with the murder alien who broke into my house  
Terezi: MUST B3 TH3 DRUGS  
Dave: must be  
Terezi: SO 3MBR4C3 TH3 C4TG1RL 1N YOU D4V3, WH4T'S TH3 B1G HOLDUP  
Dave: you seem to forget the metric fuckload of psychological hangups i have to process before even remotely reaching that point  
Dave: for starters i am not nor do i ever want to be a girl  
Terezi: TH3N B3 4 C4TBOY  
Dave: i  
Dave: um  
Dave: can we not talk about this at the ass end of the night  
Terezi: 1N MY 3XP3R13NC3 TH4T'S TH3 ONLY T1M3 TO T4LK 4BOUT G3ND3R SH1T  
Dave: yo i didnt say anything about gender  
Dave: youre the one who brought gender into the equation not me  
Dave: why are you making this a gender thing  
Dave: this is not a gender thing ok  
Dave: im not like june im not having some kinda realization i just have you know  
Dave: reservations  
Dave: about my uh  
Dave: appearance  
Terezi: >:/  
Dave: my gender is normal ok  
Dave: why are we even having this conversation  
Terezi: 1'V3 B4R3LY S41D 4NYTH1NG  
Dave: well  
Dave: good  
Dave: lets keep it that way  
Dave: im gonna go back to sleep forever now

I hear him curl back up on the bed, and I can taste the sheets pulled over his face.  
  
What did I say?  
  
Did I say-

Dave: are you  
Dave: really going to break up with june  
Terezi: ...  
Dave: you dont have to answer that  
Dave: just  
Dave: if you do  
Dave:  
Dave:   
Dave: look im not gonna ask you to not break up with her or anything  
Dave: but  
Dave: shes my best friend and  
Terezi: H3H  
Dave: uh  
Terezi: WH3N W4S TH3 L4ST T1M3 YOU T4LK3D TO H3R  
Dave: i text her all the time  
Terezi: K4RK4T C4LL3D M3 H1S B3ST FR13ND 34RL13R TOO  
Terezi: FOR SUCH GOOD P4LS W3 SUR3 DON'T COMMUN1C4T3 V3RY W3LL  
Dave: we should fix that  
Terezi: SOUNDS 34SY 3NOUGH  
Dave: look i get that you two have a rocky situation  
Dave: actually i dont get it at all and im guessing neither do you but thats whatever  
Dave: im just uh  
Dave: im scared for her  
Dave: you guys seem to  
Dave: shit sorry  
Dave: you bitches seem to balance each other out really well  
Dave: and like  
Dave: if its gotta end its gotta end  
Dave: i guess just  
Dave: try to be nice about it  
Terezi: 1'LL TRY  
Dave: maybe try after weve slept  
Terezi: Y34H OK4Y

Crickets outside as Dave nods off. Sleep is clawing at me in the haze, but something angry keeps me awake.  
  
Dave thinks we "balance" each other, and that's the whole problem.  
  
I am more than June Egbert's counterweight.  
  
My hand snakes its way up the side of the bed and grabs Dave's phone, still unlocked. I give the screen a good lick and navigate to the messages.  
  
I open up June's conversation and start typing.

Dave: H3Y  
Dave: 1TS T3R3Z1  
Dave: 1 STOL3 D4V3S PHON3  
Dave: 1 C4NT F1GUR3 OUT TH3 FUCK1NG COLOR S3TT1NGS SO JUST PR3T3ND TH1S 1S WH4T MY BLOOD LOOKS L1K3  
Dave: 4PP4R3NTLY H3 R3MOV3D 4LL TH3 PUNCTU4T1ON FROM H1S FONT L1BR4R13S TOO  
Dave: LOOKS L1K3 TH3 COOL K1D COULDNT H4NDL3 TH3 T3MPT4T1ON  
Dave: 4NYW4Y  
Dave: W3 H4V3 TO T4LK BUT F1RST TH3R3S SOM3 STUFF 1 W4NT TO S4Y

I can feel myself drifting off as I send message after message. My head is still buzzing, but I know what I need to tell her. I should wait, I know I should wait, but if I wait then I'll lose my nerve in the morning. I have to get it all out now.  
  
There's a crash and I'm awake again. I instinctively grab for the nearest sharp thing, I can't tell how long I was out, I can sense through the glow of the morning-

Jasprosesprite^2: Salutations, my dear friends! I have been sent to-  
Terezi: WH4T TH3 FUCK  
Dave: yo what the shit is this  
Jasprosesprite^2: Meow~ Dave, I heard you'd acquired modifurcations of the feline furiety, but I had no idea  
Dave: hey cat rose what the fuck are you doing in my bedroom at like whatever am it is  
Jasprosesprite^2: It's time to get up and at em, as a certain irradiated insect liked to say!  
Terezi: WHY 4R3 YOU H3R3  
Jasprosesprite^2: I have been sent to gather you for an impurrtant mission, on behalf of a mutual friend.  
Dave: thanks but im good on missions  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T 3V3N S33 STR41GHT  
Jasprosesprite^2: Hahaha, your senses of humor haven't gone anywhere! Now let's get a move on, little kitties.  
Terezi: 1'M NOT 4

Jasprose grabs us both and hurtles us through a fenestrated plane-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*knock knock*

Karkat: HEY IS TEREZI IN THERE WITH YOU?  
Karkat: SORRY I FORGOT TO BRING YOU NUTRITIONAL MASH LAST NIGHT, I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH UH-  
Karkat: WITH SOMEONE AND WE GOT REALLY CAUGHT UP IN...  
Karkat: DAVE ARE YOU IN THERE?  
Karkat:  
Karkat: ARE YOU ASLEEP?  
Karkat: CAN I COME IN?  
Karkat:  
Karkat:   
Karkat:   
Karkat: OKAY WELL I'M GOING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING SLEEP NOW SO  
Karkat: TEXT ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING  
Karkat:  
Karkat:  
Karkat: ...  
Karkat: I LOVE YOU


	7. friday 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING for: stylized violence, panic attacks.

W3 TUMBL3 OUT OF THE F3N3STR4T3D PL4N3 1NTO 4 OW FUCK  
  
JUMP TO MY F33T 4ND PULL ON3 OF MY SWORD C4N3S OUT  
  
BUT  
  
But no on3 3ls3 1s h3r3.  
  
I pull my senses together and take a solid whiff: sweat, alcohol, stale tree flakes, a faint but unmistakeable pissy amonia odor... it's a bar. It's dark, and the air is upsettingly undisturbed. I can taste chairs on tables, smell the dust on the unlit light fixtures on the walls. Either it's closed for the night or it's been closed for a really long time.  
  
A little disappointed, I put my sword cane away.

Dave: why are we at a bar  
Jasprosesprite^2: Do me a favor there pussycat and pull down those chairs, you'll want the seating later. Can I purrhaps tempt either of you with a stiff drink?

The dark room is illuminated by Jasprose's pulsing pink and purple aura as she appears behind the bar and begins making some kind of cocktail.

Terezi: WHY 4R3 W3 H3R3  
Jasprosesprite^2: The purrpose of your presence at this pawticularly dispurrited establishment shall be revealed all in due time my visually impaired compatriot! Now about those _spirits..._  
Dave: is this bar haunted  
Dave: if this bar is haunted you have to tell me  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK SH3 M34NT BOOZ3 SP1R1TS  
Dave: oh  
Dave: well yeah obviously  
Jasprosesprite^2: I make a mean mojito if a touch of mint tickles your fancy, though I suspect such delights are a trifle too turbulent for your delicate Striderian palate.  
Dave: yeah im good  
Jasprosesprite^2: What a shame. Beer then? Wine?  
Dave: it is literally  
Dave: uh  
Dave: what fucking time is it anyway  
Terezi: 1SN'T TH4T YOUR D3P4RTM3NT  
Jasprosesprite^2: Yes David, shouldn't the precise chronological pawticulars of our purresent moment be inescapable to your timebound consciousness? Don't tell me the old clock's started running slow!  
Dave: yo i just got woken up from a weed nap by a neon catgirl and then teleported to a fucking boarded up speakeasy  
Dave: sorry im not at my best right now  
Jasprosesprite^2: Oh that's quite alright, mayhaps this little concoction will liven you up.

She slides a couple glasses down the bar away from us, where they fly through the fenestrated plane and then slide to a stop on the table in front of us through the other side of the same fenestrated plane.

Terezi: NOW YOU'R3 JUST SHOW1NG OFF  
Jasprosesprite^2: Naturally.  
Dave: pretty sure i said no drink actually  
Jasprosesprite^2: Did you? My apawlogies, it must have slipped my mind. What do you think?  
Terezi: HRMM  
Terezi: "M34N" 1S TH3 R1GHT WORD  
Jasprosesprite^2: >:3

Jasprose jumps the bar and sits down between us. Under the table, I can smell her tail flirting with Dave's, his ears falling flat against his head with annoyance.

Dave: so uh  
Jasprosesprite^2: Cute skirt, by the by. You cut a uniquely fetching silhouette with all the feline additions.  
Dave: yeah can we not talk about that rose who is my sister and part cat  
Jasprosesprite^2: Deflecting, are we?  
Terezi: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD T4LK 4BOUT TH4T  
Dave: what the fuck i thought you were on my side  
Terezi: 1'M 4 FR33 4G3NT, 1 DO 4S 1 PL34S3  
Dave: man this blows  
Dave: whys everyone gotta be up in my business re cat stuff  
Dave: maybe id be less embarrassed about the whole situation if you guys would just be normal for once  
Jasprosesprite^2: Appealing to normality meow, are we? How _interesting... ___ _ _  
Dave: please stop psychoanalyzing me  
Jasprosesprite^2: Could it be that we are scratching upon the purrface of a serious revelation?  
Jasprosesprite^2: I do seem to recall you possessing an "ironic" fursona, once upon a time...  
Dave: yo terezis the one with the impending breakup shit why you gotta clown on me  
Terezi: B3C4US3 1T'S MOR3 FUN TO CLOWN ON YOU  
Jasprosesprite^2: Yes, with Terezi it's just sad.  
Terezi: >:O  
Terezi: H3Y  
Dave: see how you like it__

____

____

Then the osc1ll4ting h4rlot downs her mojito in a flash and stretches her arms up over her head like she'd been sedentary for hours rather than minutes.

Jasprosesprite^2: Well, now that you're both purropurrly situated, I have several other irons to cast lazily into the blazing furnace of tomorrow.  
Dave: what  
Terezi: WH4T  
Jasprosesprite^2: Much as I would love to lounge with you in the comfort of such a welcoming old haunt, I'm afuraid the plan requires me to set up a few more metafurical dominoes elsewhere.  
Terezi: WH4T PL4N??  
Terezi: YOU H4V3N'T 3V3N TOLD US WHY YOU BROUGHT US H3R3!  
Jasprosesprite^2: They asked me to help.  
Terezi: WHO'S TH3Y?  
Jasprosesprite^2: Several theys.  
Terezi: WHO???  
Jasprosesprite^2: You'll see. Don't be a stranger. ;3

And then she's gone. Without her meta-luminescent body, the bar is suddenly tasting a whole lot darker. And brown. Eugh.

Dave: what is it with these flighty dames and their mysterious bullshit  
Dave: like the least you can do when you tear a man out of his bed and zap him to a bar is explain what the fuck you did that for  
Terezi: R1GHT  
Dave: what you think youre exempt from the flighty dame mysterious bullshit paradigm  
Terezi: 1 H4V3 TO 4DM1T 1T'S SOMEWH4T L3SS CH4RM1NG COM1NG FROM SOM3ON3 WHO 1SN'T M3  
Dave: yeah thats the reason  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave: so are you ok  
Terezi: WH4T  
Dave: like  
Dave: i wasnt gonna ask because frankly youve been kind of mean to me today but now that were stuck together in whatever dumb situation this is i guess i might as well broach the fuck out of this topic  
Terezi: WH1CH TOP1C  
Dave: you and june were fucking inseparable for months and now you just want to break up with her?  
Terezi: 1 THOUGHT W3 4GR33D TH4T W4S NON3 OF YOUR BUS1N3SS  
Dave: im just saying generally you seem like youre a fucking mess  
Terezi: OUCH  
Terezi: TH4T HURTS COM1NG FROM YOU  
Dave: seriously  
Terezi: Y3S S3R1OUSLY  
Dave: are you sure  
Terezi: Y3S 1'M SUR3  
Dave: ok because it sounds like youre mocking me again  
Terezi: 1 WOULD N3V3R  
Dave: wow ok

He picks up the drink Jasprose made him and downs half of it in a single go.

Dave: what the hell was i thinking asking you a direct fucking question  
Dave: like asking a mirror what time it is  
Terezi: OR L1K3 4SK1NG-  
Dave: yo that was not an invitation to riff  
Dave: i know my tone of voice is characteristically chill as hell right now but i am actually  
Dave: excuse my french  
Dave: extremely peeved at you  
Terezi: GROSS  
Dave: no whats gross is that you think you can just wander in and out of peoples lives breaking shit and laughing like you just did a five star set at the comedy basement  
Dave: youre like gallagher 2 at best and thats being generous  
Terezi: >:O  
Dave: not to mention tagteaming with jasprose while shes weirdly flirting with me  
Terezi: W3 W3R3 JUST FUCK1NG W1TH YOU  
Dave: thats exactly my point  
Dave: all you ever do is fuck with people  
Dave: credit where its due it can be a good time when everyones in on the joke but i could be as blind as you are and still think this looks like a self destructive nervous breakdown  
Terezi: UUUUUGH  
Terezi: WHY 1S 3V3RYON3 TRY1NG TO B3 MY TH3R4P1ST TOD4Y!  
Dave: welcome back to the club  
Dave: look i get it if you dont want to talk to me of all people about whatever slaphappy horseshits flying around in that weird little skull of yours  
Dave: but is it really so difficult to just admit that youve got problems  
Terezi: UGH  
Terezi: YOU US3D TO B3 COOL  
Dave: ...  
Dave: yeah thats about what i should have expected huh  
Terezi: >:[  
Dave: alright peace

Then he starts walking away towards the front door of th3 b4r.

Terezi: OH COM3 ON  
Terezi: DON'T YOU W4NT TO S33 WH4T TH1S MYST3R1OUS "PL4N" CR4P 1S 4BOUT  
Dave: no actually i want to sleep in my own bed in my own house in some kind of close proximity with my boyfriend  
Terezi: L4M3

He stops with his hand on the door, shoulders bunched up.

Dave: you know what  
Dave: i know how this looks ok  
Dave: the tanktop skirt thing  
Dave: im not an idiot  
Dave: i know it probably looks or tastes or whatever to you like im in denial and oh ha ha isnt it a laugh and a half that dave was the first one to get mad at june when she came out and now here he is thrashing around in the same closet  
Terezi: 1T 1S K1ND OF FUNNY  
Dave: no it actually isnt  
Dave: it isnt funny at all is the thing  
Terezi: 1 B3G TO D1FF3R  
Dave: oh my god no wonder she tried to strangle you  
Terezi: H3Y!!! >:O  
Dave: you know why i let you in my room and gave you drugs and let you nap on my fucking floor despite knowing for a fact that youd be a huge freak about all this  
Dave: its because june literally cant shut up about how much you helped her  
Dave: how you were patient and nice and explained shit in simple terms and fucking made phone calls for her like some kind of infinite energy gender angel  
Dave: i cant count how many times shes said oh bluh bluh i dunno where id be without her bluh bluh  
Dave: so i thought maybe  
Dave: just maybe  
Dave: youd get over whatever is going on with you for five minutes and show me some of that same kindness  
Dave: maybe talk to me about it like an adult instead of a vindictive middle schooler with a grudge  
Dave: suits me right  
Dave: thats what i fucking get for thinking youd have even a little compassion and empathy for someone who isnt vriska adjacent  
Terezi: WOW FUCK YOU!!!

1 JUMP UP OUT OF MY S34T 4ND DR4W MY C4N3 SWORDS 4G41N

Dave: what youre gonna fight me now  
Terezi: Y3S!! >:[  
Dave: howd that work out for you when you pulled the same shit on karkat  
Terezi: TH4T W4S D1FF3R3NT  
Dave: whatever bro

Instead of revealing his own weapon or jumping into a defensive stance, Dave pulls out his phone and OH SH1T OH SH1T

Terezi: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG  
Dave: im texting june about this  
Terezi: NO D3F1N1T3LY DONT DO TH4T!!  
Dave: why n  
Dave:  
Dave:  
Dave: what the fuck  
Dave: did you steal my phone to text your girlfriend  
Terezi: L1ST3N  
Dave: what is...  
Dave: oh my god  
Terezi: DON'T R34D 1T, 1T'S NOT FOR YOU!!  
Dave: then you shouldnt have sent it on my phone  
Dave: terezi this is unhinged  
Terezi: 1 W4S H1GH ON DRUGS!!  
Terezi: DRUGS TH4T YOU G4V3 M3, BY TH3 W4Y!!! TH4T M4K3S YOU 4T L34ST 4S CULP4BL3 4S  
Dave: do us both a favor and dont finish that sentence  
Terezi: >:|  
Terezi: D4V3  
Terezi: 1'M SORRY  
Dave: are you? im pretty sure regret requires at least a little bit of self awareness  
Terezi: 1 4M SORRY!!! 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 1'M DO1NG!!!!  
Terezi: NOTH1NG M4K3S S3NS3 4NYMOR3 4ND 4LL 1 H4V3 L3FT TO RUN ON 1S 1NST1NCT  
Dave: well thats clearly paying dividends on your mental health  
Terezi: 1'M S1CK OF 3V3RY D4Y B31NG TH3 S4M3 3X4CT TH1NG OV3R 4ND OV3R!!  
Dave: so youre gonna have the messiest possible breakup with the single most stabilizing person in your life right now?  
Terezi: 1 KNOW!! 1 KNOW!!! 1 KNOW 1T'S STUP1D ON P4P3R BUT 1 C4N'T COM3 UP W1TH 4 B3TT3R PL4N  
Dave: when normal people make plans its for like vacations and birthdays and shit and they probably do it for the same reason  
Terezi: W3'R3 NOT NORM4L P3OPL3 THOUGH!  
Terezi: W3'R3 4LL BROK3N TR4UM4T1Z3D FR34KS PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 NORM4L 4ND 1T'S DR1V1NG M3 1NS4N3 TO W1TN3SS  
Dave: then maybe you should fuck off back to space and let us live our shitty lives in peace  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Terezi:  
Dave:  
Roxy: whats up bitches  
Terezi: 44444H!! >:O

1 SP1N 1N PL4C3 4ND S33 C4LL1OP3 4ND ROXY ST4ND1NG 1N TH3 B4CK 3X1T OF TH3 B4R

Calliope: sorry we are late yoU two, it's been a long night!

They make their way inside towards the table we cleared off, carrying what smells like a bag full of paper, then they pointedly glance from me to Dave and back again.

Calliope: were you having a staring contest?  
Dave: something like that  
Dave: anyway i was just leaving

He pushes against the door, but nothing happens.

Roxy: yeah its boarded up from the other side  
Dave: ah  
Dave: well

Dave sighs and sits back down across from me, his arms crossed, most of his face still obscured by those ancient sunglasses.

Terezi: SUDD3NLY NOT 1N 4 HURRY TO L34V3?  
Dave: something tells me whatever this is would still be my problem in the morning so  
Dave: you know  
Dave: fuck it  
Roxy: thats the spirit  
Dave: anyway you mind telling us like  
Dave: what the fuck  
Dave: were even doing here  
Calliope: of coUrse.

Roxy settles in a seat and props her feet up against the table while Calliope glances through the content of their bag like they're reminding themself of its contents. Then they lay their claws flat on the table and speak.

Calliope: i broUght yoU here becaUse jUne needs yoUr help.

1 FL1NCH 4T TH3 Sound of her name but it's okay, it's fine.

Dave: what shenanigans has that girl got herself into now  
Calliope: i am afraid that these shenanigans are not in fact of her own making.  
Calliope: bUt i need yoU to hear me when i say that she is in grave danger.  
Terezi: L1K3 1N 4 COSM1C S3NS3?  
Calliope: as in at this exact moment.  
Terezi: SH3'S 1N D4NG3R NOW??? >:0  
Calliope: yes. u_u  
Dave: not to be a critic but i feel like you should have led with that  
Terezi: WH3R3 1S SH3  
Calliope: right now she is on the moon fighting alongside jade and davepeta against an army of woUld be interlopers.  
Dave: what like  
Dave: the _moon_ moon  
Calliope: yes  
Dave: ok well lets fucking go  
Roxy: we cant  
Terezi: SUR3 W3 C4N  
Calliope: yes we can.  
Calliope: bUt we don't.  
Terezi: ...  
Terezi: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N

Calliope reaches down into the bag and produces a worn little sketchbook. They open to a particular page, but hold it close to their chest.

Calliope: i am afraid that a lot has happened while yoU weren't paying attention.  
Terezi: 1F YOU DONT G1V3 M3 4 STR41GHT 4NSW3R-  
Roxy: what r u gonna do abt it hot pants  
Terezi: YOU R34LLY W4NT TO F1ND OUT, MOM J34NS? >:[  
Roxy: u say that like it 8nt a compliment  
Calliope: both of yoU please be civil!! we are short on time and the sitUation will only get more dangeroUs the longer we dilly-dally.  
Roxy: sorry bb  
Terezi: TH3N T3LL US WH4T JUN3 1S DO1NG!!!

They exhale lightly and set their sketchbook on the table, removing a few loose pages that taste _very_ different from the rest of the book.

  
  


Terezi: WH4T 4M 1 SM3LL1NG R1GHT NOW  
Dave: when did you draw these  
Dave: they look old as hell  
Calliope: we will get to that soon enoUgh.  
Dave: wait  
Dave: yo hold up  
Dave: whys sweet bro and hella jeff on that space ship  
Calliope: please jUst listen!!  
Calliope: it goes like this:

We see the human called June Egbert standing on the surface of Earth C's moon, protected only by a bubble of ethereal red energy from an army of aliens set to draw the blood of her sister, Harbinger Silverbark. We see the Knight Rogue sprite Davepeta frantically typing at a large computer console as June shakes her head. In the few months that she has existed as herself, June has been a woman of impulse. A woman of action.  
  
But now, she is stuck. The total sum of all the knowledge she does not possess about these aggressors, their motivations, and the relationship they have with her increasingly unrecognizable centigenerian sister could coat the surface of this lunar body from end to end in history books, yet that matters not. She holds a gun in her hand and has been told to do more than nothing.  
  
With a shallow, unsteady breath, June Egbert glances down at her gun and thinks:  
  
wait why isn't _Jade_ using guns?

DB: hey davepeta, why isn't _she_ using guns?  
DB: I mean I guess you guys had plenty of time to pick up extra strife speci8uses while you were out there, but-

there's a loud staticky 8uzz from behind me, and I turn around just in time to see a scrawny orange creature with three arms most of the way through the firewall and running straight towards me. one of their hands is holding a knife.  
  
Calliope slides another image on the table.

Terezi: WH3N D1D YOU H4V3 T1M3 TO DR4W TH3S3??  
Calliope: i said we'll get to that later now please pay attention!

We watch as June threads her fingers through her hair and fails to evade her panicked thoughts:  
  
I need to fight. I need to 8e ready to fight. I have to fight them, I have to do something, but- god, look at me, I'm a fucking coward, they're almost at me, what do I do, how do I raise my arms, how do I aim, I raise my arms, I aim, hands trem8ling,

Look at you.  
So 8ig and strong.  
"8luh 8luh 8luh, I'm some random rust8lood, sure I just saw Vriska Serket sink three whole 8attleships from a dinghy, 8ut why NOT try to kill her with a knife!"  
A knife? REALLY?  
How else did you think this was gonna end you stupid-   
You just haaaaaaaad to try it, didn't you?  
You couldn't just give up.  
No one ever makes this easy!  
Do you think this is E8SY for me?  
I don't enjoy doing this, you know!  
I don't enjoy any of this.  
then why d0 y0u d0 it  
AAH!!!!!!!!  
What the fuck, Megido?!  
what the fuck t0 y0u t00  
What are you doing here?  
watching y0u  
Oh gr8. Planning your revenge?  
if i wanted revenge id just ask s0llux t0 kill y0u  
I 8et you'd 8oth LOOOOOOOOVE that!  
ive never th0ught ab0ut it  
Then what is this?  
Here to taunt me with the souls of more dead kids?  
Well guess what! That trick didn't even work the _first_ time you did it, so why don't you just 8ug off 8efore I figure out a way to kill you twice.  
im n0t here for any reas0n nefari0us 0r 0therwise  
Then what are you doing outside my hive????????  
s0metimes i c0me here t0 watch y0u sleep  
You-  
You WH8T????????  
d0 i need t0 repeat myself  
NO!  
Why would you watch me sleep you spooky weirdo?!  
t0 see if y0u ever have bad dreams  
Wow!  
If you wanted to know if I regret killing you you could have just asked like a norm8l person!!!!!!!!  
d0 y0u regret killing me  
........  
was that n0t n0rmal en0ugh  
What a 8oring question!  
What's it matter if I regret killing you, you're alre8dy dead!  
And you're fine!  
Everyone's FINE!  
Who cares!  
Get over it already, yeesh!!!!!!!!  
i am 0ver it  
im 0ver everything actually  
Good, then leave me alone and stop watching me sleep!  
d0 y0u kn0w his name  
No I don't know his name!  
its hermit bolle0  
That wasn't an invit8ion for you to tell me!!!!!!!!  
y0u didnt tell me n0t t0  
I thought you said you weren't here for revenge!  
im n0t  
Then why would you tell me his name?  
What makes you think I want to know his name?  
I don't fucking c8re what his name was 8ecause he's de8d! He's dead and I killed him!  
And in a couple hours there won't even 8e a 8ody left to mark that he ever existed in the first pl8ce.  
Who cares what his name was!  
If he wanted anyone to remem8er his stupid shitty name he shouldn't have 8een so e8sy to kill!!!!!!!!  
its a l0t easier t0 kill pe0ple when y0u c0ntr0l their minds  
Yeah, and?  
and n0thing  
i just think its interesting  
Are you calling me a cheater?  
im n0t calling y0u anything  
Then what! What is this a8out!  
Why won't you just leave me alone!  
ive seen y0u d0 this bef0re  
s0metimes y0u let 0ne 0r tw0 0f y0ur pris0ners g0  
They escape!  
and then y0u fight them  
8ecause they attack first!  
and when they die y0u get mad  
Why wouldn't I get mad, he tried to kill me!!!!!!!!  
i d0nt kn0w  
i just think its interesting  
Whatever! You're so full of it.  
Why am I even listening to you, anyway?  
You're dead!  
is that why y0u let them fight back  
s0 they can make y0u dead t00  
Whaaaaaaaat!  
That's the dum8est thing I've ever heard in my LIFE.  
Don't you have 8etter things to do? Go possess a wiggler or m8ke a herd of moo8easts spe8k in tongues!  
Literally anything that doesn't involve 8othering me right now.  
d0es it help y0u sleep  
Does what help me sleep?  
the illusi0n that they had a fighting chance  
I don't care!!!!!!!!  
Just leave me 8lone!!!!!!!!  
........  
Hello?  
Where'd you go?  
I know you're still w8tching me!  
Do you think this is funny?  
You think you know so much a8out me?  
You don't know anything!  
Just le8ve me alone!  
AR8DIA!!!!!!!!  
If you've got a pro8lem with me then just FIGHT ME and get it over with!  
Fight me or le8ve me alone!  
She's gonna 8e so mad at me for 8eing l8 with her food.   
Everyone's always so mad at me.  
Just leave me alone or fucking kill me alre8

Dave: "isn't what this wanted"  
Dave: wait no it says isnt this what...  
Dave: is that an i in the middle there?  
Dave: or  
Calliope: please stop interrUpting me!!  
Dave: my bad

can't 8reathe  
can't-  
can't 8reathe arms around my throat  
holding his third arm with 8oth hands  
knife's getting closer  
so angry  
he's so angry  
and tired  
malnourished  
can't 8reathe  
  
I'm stuck  
  
  
can't move  
  
  
  
arms are trem8ling  
  
  
  
  
I'm stronger than this  
  
  
  
  
  
why aren't I stronger than this?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
isn't this what I wanted?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
a fair fight?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
isn't this  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
how I wanted to die?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
then why am I so scared?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I rocket 8ack to consciousness with a hearty 8reath and realize the dude who was trying to kill me misplaced his head.  
  
and I'm. covered in 8lood!  
  
cough like a motherfucker and kick his 8ody away out of the firewall, look over and see Davepeta holding a littlE IS THAT THE GUN FROM MEN IN 8LACK

KR: shit you ok?  
DB: y-

when I try to talk, my throat closes up and every muscle in my neck goes tense.

KR: yeah its hard to talk after you get strangled  
DB: ow  
KR: glad i saw you befure you fucking b33fed it!  
DB: (yeah me too)  
DB: (thanks)  
KR: no prob  
DB: (wow this hurts)  
KR: hey now you know how your girlfriend f33ls  
DB: WH-  
DB: >>>>_<<<<  
DB: (what the fuck!)  
DB: (why would you say that??)  
KR: sorry was that mean  
DB: >::::(  
KR: did i make you mad  
DB: (yes!!!!!!!!)  
KR: GOOD  
KR: clawse theres about a bajillion more where he came from and im only at 60 purrcent so get mad stay mad and fucking do something about it!

there's already a dozen people right up on the firewall. how am I supposed to do this on my own? how is there no other 8ackup? where are these professionals Jade was 8ragging about????????  
  
I don't know where my gun went, so I look for another-  
  
oh, uh, well, _that's_ certainly an option.  
  
No, not yet. L8r.   
  
yeah.  
  
flipping through the guns, I don't know what to do with them. I don't know what to do with any of these!  
  
one's pushing through the firewall now  
  
fuck okay  
  
okay okay okay okay  
  
fuck this. I'm sticking with what I know.  
  
I produce the Warhammer of Zillyhoo from my personal sylladex and scram8le to my feet.  
  
everything's so fast  
  
8ig ghoul-looking person in a pir8 hat holding a chrome machine gun  
  
I 8egin a swing  
  
he pulls the trigger. gunshots  
  
I zap  
  
and finish the swing on his head from the side  
  
he crum8les like a clay doll  
  
grey 8lood on my hammer, and  
  
wait is that  
  
wow did I really never clean Terezi's 8lood off of this thing? god 8etween this and my hand I sure have hurt and/or killed my girlfriend a lot of times. that's. not good. that's-  
  
OWWW my cheek 8lood turn around someone shot just missed zap swing squish oh there's so many more now zap swing god these guys are really killa8le smash that's a lot of 8lood already zap wow I'm getting kinda tired really shoulda worked out 8efore this bONK SOMETHING JUST HIT MY HEAD  
  
spin around this motherfucker's throwing KNIVES holy shit that guy is throwing knives that fucking knife would have fucking killed me if the handle didn't  
  
mo8ile cover zap okay okay okay okay okay 8REATHE now I get why we needed guns so I reach in pull out the first fucking one I see  
  
okay that looks like where my left hand goes so here's the trigger, I guess this is how people look when they hold guns so  
  
wow this is really worrisome!! I lean out from the cover aim at, what is that, a fucking velociraptor? sure aim and pull the trigger  
  
nothhingggg ghapens oh fuck! the raptor is on me it's wearing jorts it 8ites down on my shoulderrRRR ROWOWOW WOOOO WWOWOW WOW OW OW OW OW!!!!!!!!  
  
FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS  
  
lean forward jump so the raptor is 8elow me ZAP three feet lower to the fucking GROUND fucking thing instantly dies now that it's just part of the moon now, I yank myself out of its jaws 8ack into cover

DB: HOW DO I FIRE GUN  
KR: did you try pulling the trigger  
DB: YES  
KR: is the safety on  
DB: I DON'T FEEL SAFE  
KR: no its a little toggle on the right side  
DB: I C8N'T FIND IT  
KR: june its litpurrally right there  
DB: UGH THIS IS SO DUM8

I throw the gun at someone's head and raise my arms a8ove my head to do the windy thing-  
  
FLASH OF LIGHT  
  
AAH WHAT  
  
SOMETHING'S-  
  
LOOK DOWN AND SEE   
  
OHHHHHH THAT'S   
t  
that's a lot of 8lood  
  
where my lower half, uhh,, use to 8e????????  
  
I feel myself, sort of, drift down and, ow  
  
ow fuck FUCK THIS HURTS

DB: DAVEPETA  
KR: what  
DB: HELP  
KR: oh   
KR: oh geez thats not grreat  
DB: YOU THINK????????  
KR: can you idk retcon it  
DB: NOT SURE THAT'S HOW THAT WORKS DAVEPE  
DB: PE... pet... aaa fuck I'm uh  
DB: not feeling so good  
KR: shoot  
KR: ok sorry bud this is gonna blow chunks  
DB: what do you mean

and theN THEY POINT THEIR GUN AT ME AND WAIT NO W

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dave: yo what the fuck  
Dave: cat me shot june  
Calliope: for jUne to die at the hand of one of these wayward ne'er do wells it woUld most certainly be heroic-  
Terezi: BUT B31NG K1LL3D BY 4N 4NNOY3D MULT1T4SK1NG D4V3P3T4 1S JUST STUP1D  
Calliope: correct.  
Dave: wow thats fucking cold  
Terezi: TH4T'S HOW 1T H4S TO B3 SOM3T1M3S  
Dave: that so  
Terezi: WHY DONT YOU 4SK D1RK  
Roxy: hey-  
Calliope: please we don't have time for bickering!  
Dave: well do you have time to explain what these paintings are? because you obviously didnt draw this  
Calliope: soon i promise. u_u  
Terezi: 1S TH3R3 4 R34SON YOU'R3 L34D1NG US ON L1K3 4 P41R OF GRUBS LOST 1N TH3 MURD3R C4V3RNS  
Roxy: they said well get there when we get there yall jeez  
Roxy: keep goin dear  
Calliope: thank yoU.  
Calliope: as yoU all know, godtier revivals are traUmatic in their own right.  
Calliope: bUt they are all the worse for someone like jUne, living as she does at a nexUs of probabilities.  
Terezi: WH4T DO YOU M34N "N3XUS OF PROB4B1L1T13S"??  
Calliope: i woUld have assUmed yoU woUld know better than anyone!  
Calliope: bUt then again i sUppose many obvioUs trUths have been hidden in plain sight all along. an explanation is imminent, i assUre you.

As June returns to consciousness and being alive simultaneously, we see her panic as the exact physical nature of her newly rearranged body defies immediate diagnostic examination:  
  
my throat doesn't hurt anymore. reach my hands down and yeah my whole sort of, torso, situation, is 8ack to normal-  
  
normal  
  
normal with the scar where Dirk skewered me. the skin is smooth, it's-  
  
no, no, wait. 8link a few times and it's- back?  
  
blink again again, it's gone... what-  
  
what is happening-  
  
visions of a clock ticking, visions of my 8ody and my blood glowing with energy as every version of me  
  
I see myself everywhere, I see me dodging the sword and attacking Dirk, I see me dead, I see me alive, my arm is here and my arm is gone, all these selves converging again  
  
8link again and it's done, and  
  
I look down  
  
the scar is still there. all of it  
  
I died with all of that missing and it, what, regener8ed from scratch? WITH this scar? WITH these damaged nerves and, and everything?  
  
poking, prodding the old wound, see the sun glint off the metal of my arm.

HS: been a while since you died huh sis?  
DB: yeah...  
DB: is it normal to, uh-  
HS: tell me were almost there space cat  
KR: its close but-  
GL: this is gal to has, we^ve got options jvst tell vs what to do  
HS: negative gl, weve got the situation under control!  
GL: vhhhh do yov??? becavse it looks like yov-  
HS: our countermeasure is almost ready, just trust me on this ok????  
GL: i...  
GL: look i know yov^ve got a whole **thing** abovt vs coming there bvt-  
HS: WE HAVE THE SITUATION UNDER CONTROL, NOW MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS

she does the closest equivalent you can to hanging up angrily on a wristwatch and looks up at Davepeta nervously.

DB: uhh  
DB: why are you being so mean to-  
HS: give me some good news kr come on!!  
KR: 98 purrcent now  
DB: ...  
KR: weve just gotta stall em fur a little longer  
DB: do you think i'm useless  
HS: sorry for being curt but now is not the time for another personal crisis!!  
DB: then why are you huddling down here like a couple of rubber chickens with your heads cut off?  
KR: hush now  
KR: the adults are talking  
DB: adults?  
DB: ADULTS????????  
DB: is that what you think of me? you think I'm a child?  
KR: dont act like a baby if you dont want to get treated like one  
HS: davepeta...  
KR: dont pretend youre not exactly as furstrated as i am! she purractically begged to be here and now-  
DB: Okay, that's enough of that.

I sit up and crack my neck a few times.

HS: what are you doing  
DB: Hold on.  
Vriska: That's 8etter.  
KR: whats better  
Vriska: Not important. Now, explain to me what your plan is.  
KR: well we _were_ gonna  
Vriska: Oh w8it! I just realized: I don't fucking care.  
HS: june

I stand up from 8ehind the consoles to see a swarm of aliens on all sides of the chain sphere, trying to push their way through.

HS: JUNE  
Vriska: How come those guys could get through 8efore?  
HS: what are you doing get down!!

Several tiny lasers fire past me, and I shrug my shoulders

Vriska: Oh no, I'm soooooooo scared.  
KR: the countpurrmeowsures almost ready just get down and wait fur our-  
Vriska: No thanks.

I do a sick little side hop over the consoles and stroll leisurely across the surface of the moon towards the edge of the chain circle. Lasers of all sizes are just 8arely missing me, and the alien army dudes just one translucent layer of magic science energy away from me are looking 8etween themselves and me with more than a little confusion.  
  
8ut nowhere NEAR enough fear, in my opinion.  
  
I reach into my sylladex and produce the Fluorite Octet.

HS: wait  
HS: how the  
KR: did you put those in there  
HS: i didnt put those in there!  
KR: june where the shit did those come from  
Vriska: I don't know! Guess I'm just lucky.  
Vriska: ::::)  
HS: oh shit

Calliope: so, with the legendary flUorite octet in hand, jUne marched oUt into the field of battle and did the only thing she coUld:  
Calliope: she rolled the dice.  
Terezi: >:[  
Dave: holy shit  
Dave: ok not to be all contrarian but uh  
Dave: this is pretty farfetched  
Dave: i mean even on the wack ass fetch scale we operate on this is still fetched about as far as anything could possibly be  
Terezi: SO W4S VR1SK4  
Dave: yeah but  
Dave: i mean june has a lot of vriska in her now sure but  
Dave: theres no way she like  
Dave: inherited her aspect or some shit  
Dave: thats impossible right  
Dave: like you cant just have two aspects can you  
Roxy: davepeta does  
Dave: ok but theyre a fuckin part alien space wizard thing  
Terezi: 4ND JUN3 H4S TH3 POW3R TO R3TCON  
Dave: you cant tell me youre buying this terezi  
Dave: i mean how do we know these pictures callie drew are even based on anything  
Calliope: like yoU said, i didn't draw them.  
Dave: then who did  
Calliope: we will get to that.  
Dave: youd better get to it quick because i am way too high for this shit and am liable to fly off the handle any second  
Dave: do a goddamn fucking aerobatic  
Dave: uhh  
Dave: wait hows that line go  
Dave: fuck  
Terezi: YOU S41D SH3 N33D3D OUR H3LP BUT 1T SOUNDS L1K3 JUN3 1S DO1NG JUST F1N3  
Calliope: ah.  
Calliope: yes i'm afraid i haven't qUite finished recoUnting events.  
Calliope: yoU see, jUne rolled well and foUght valiantly.  
Calliope: some might even say it was epic!  
Roxy: lol come on  
Calliope: i will do no sUch thing.  
Calliope: she felled ships and slaUghtered her enemies jUst as vriska and vriska's ancestor had done before her.  
Calliope: if all had gone according to jade and davepeta's plan, it woUld have been a perfect victory.  
Calliope: bUt in their haste and their certainty,  
Calliope: and their Unwavering dedication to a long oUtdated coUrse,  
Calliope: they made a calamitoUs miscalcUlation.  
Dave: they seem to be doing a lot of those these days  
Calliope: behind the scenes, leading this discontented rabble, there stood someone with precisely the right skillset to once again tUrn the tables against the great harbinger silverbark.  
Calliope: they had come here expecting tremendoUs resistance, a rallied coUnterforce of eqUal measUre. they were sUrprised to find davepeta and jade alone with an Unknown third party.  
Calliope: bUt as the villain watched their army decimated in a matter of moments by this new person, they sUrmised correctly that there had to be a reason no one else was here to fight back, that there had to be a reason these legendarily well-prepared warriors had come to a conflict of this magnitUde so seemingly empty handed.  
Calliope: it had to be becaUse this place, for whatever reason, was special to her.  
Calliope: special enoUgh that she dared not even bring a fraction of her forces with her into this Universe, lest she leave a trail of delicious breadcrUmbs for her many enemies to follow.  
Calliope: and they sUrmised that their enemies woUld only pin their hopes on this third person if they thoUght of her like a nUclear deterrent.  
Calliope: they knew at that moment that their chances of any traditional sense of victory in this moon war were next to zero. they knew they woUld not be leaving this Universe alive.  
Calliope: bUt they saw in this powerfUl woman the opportUnity to inflict a most devastating, albeit likely sUicidal, coUntermeasUre.  
Calliope: and so it is that, as we speak, jUne has foUnd herself Under the inflUence of a device that is actively overriding her free will.  
Calliope: controlling her mind not to attack davepeta or even silverbark herself, bUt the very earth she was trying to protect.  
Calliope: now, shortly before leaving to fight this moon war, davepeta had contacted their comrade jasprose to enact a worst-case contingency plan. if given the signal, she woUld gather all the rest of Us as a backUp defense force.  
Calliope: she woUld be doing that right now, had i not gotten to her first.  
Dave: what so you like  
Dave: told her to bring us _here_ instead of... wherever?  
Calliope: yes. u_u  
Calliope: bUt only yoU two.  
Terezi: WHY?  
Calliope: becaUse as written, it seems as thoUgh there is no probability in which we escape this new day withoUt Untold casUalties.  
Calliope: davepeta's attempt at a coUntermeasUre will fail against jUne's seemingly boUndless well of power. if we did as we were told, we woUld all most certainly perish.  
Calliope: bUt i believe there is a chance we can do more than nothing, and live to tell the tail.  
Terezi: WH4T DO YOU M34N "4S WR1TT3N"?  
Terezi: HOW DO YOU KNOW 4LL TH1S

Calliope lays a book on the table and crosses their arms.

Dave: what is that  
Calliope: do yoU not remember?  
Dave: oh wait  
Dave: thats that other cherubs diary from back when jade did the whole use us as bait thing right  
Calliope: yes.  
Calliope: i have been reading it nonstop since the moment it was thrUst into my possession.  
Terezi: TH4T'S W31RD  
Roxy: hey now  
Dave: come on its a little weird  
Roxy: dont make me come over there  
Calliope: this book was given to me to sate my desire for answers aboUt my species.

They flip through a few pages.

Calliope: bUt as yoU can see-  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T  
Calliope: as yoU can _sense,_ there are many sections which are conspicUoUsly redacted.  
Calliope: at first i believed that this was something voicello did, bUt Upon closer inspection i am not so sUre.  
Terezi: WHY?  
Calliope: most of the entries are what yoU woUld expect of a diary. recollections of days and adventUres, personal thoUghts, extremely detailed rUminations on the natUre of plUral sexUality  
Dave: normal  
Roxy: am i gonna have to smack ur face w a newspaper  
Roxy: stop being rude to my partner n let em talk  
Calliope: u_u  
Calliope: voicello was inconsistent with their dates bUt violetta was painfUlly precise. and if yoU investigate closely...

They point to the date above one entry, flip a few pages forward, and then point at the next date.

Calliope: ...yoU'll notice a considerable gap between these entries!  
Dave: huh  
Calliope: it's impossible to say from what we know how these Units compare to oUr respective frames of reference bUt the difference is enoUgh that it certainly sUggests a long span of time.  
Terezi: SO WH4T? P3OPL3 4B4NDON 4ND R3TURN TO P3RSON4L DOCUM3NTS 4LL TH3 T1M3  
Calliope: perhaps! bUt-  
Calliope: actUally roxy shoUld explain this part since it was her insight that got Us here.  
Roxy: thx bb  
Calliope: yoU're welcome, my dear.  
Roxy: so yeh sometimes folks forget they have journals n thats what we wrote the gap off as  
Roxy: but do yall remember what jade said about vv?  
Dave: im gonna be honest with you roxy  
Dave: not even a little bit  
Roxy: she said "we didnt really know each other very long at all"  
Roxy: obviously thats relative for someone whos been round the block as much as she has but it still felt wrong to me  
Roxy: n thats when i started thinkin back on what she told us about them  
Roxy: she said they werent that close but also said they were someone she loved  
Roxy: she said they didnt know each other that well but also said they went on a bunch of adventures  
Roxy: n then when you read vvs diary its like  
Roxy: silverbark friend silverbark friend lifes grand etc etc  
Roxy: until you hit this gap  
Roxy: n now all the entries on both sides of the book have this weird offputtin cadence to em  
Roxy: voicello obv had self esteem issues so they scribbled shit out a lot but at this point violetta gets in on the act too  
Roxy: its all just fuckin WEIRD  
Dave: ok thats a little weird yeah  
Calliope: at first i thoUght the changes in vvs writing style coUld be attribUted to the passage of time!  
Calliope: bUt when roxy started airing her concerns aboUt jades inconsistency, i decided to start taking notes.

Calliope shuffles over the loose pages in their notebook, showing us brief glimpses of graphs of glyphs and cyphers, all written in Callie's pristine shorthand. They land on a page nearly torn through with the force of them having circled a box full of letters and numbers.

Calliope: it was a code!  
Dave: woah  
Dave: what does it say  
Calliope: it says...  
Calliope: well it says a lot of things! and some of the things don't make sense becaUse we of coUrse lack perfect information on accoUnt of many passages being blacked oUt.  
Calliope: bUt the most imperative to oUr present discUssion regards what we qUickly realized were coordinates.  
Dave: damn callie this is some national treasure shit  
Dave: june would be getting a kick out of this  
Terezi: >:[  
Dave: what  
Dave: she would  
Terezi: ...  
Dave: so where do the coordinates go  
Calliope: somewhere very very far away.  
Calliope: far enoUgh that travelling there woUld reqUire years of preparation for an even longer joUrney fUll of perils.  
Dave: whats at the destination  
Calliope: we weren't certain except for references to some kind of docUment.  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO ROP3 US 1NTO 4 M4G1C4L QU3ST  
Terezi: 1S TH4T WH4T TH1S 1S 4BOUT?  
Roxy: that WAS their plan until i was like yo what if i just reached into the void and procured that shit straight up  
Dave: yo what  
Dave: is that a thing you can do  
Roxy: took a few tries but i got it eventually  
Dave: thats dope as hell  
Roxy: yeah i know  
Terezi: OK4Y SO WH4T W4S 1T, L1K3 4 S3COND S3CR3T JOURN4L?  
Roxy: not exactly

She and Calliope share a look, and Roxy takes a deep breath.

Roxy: this shits gonna b upsettin yall so just  
Roxy: gird urselves  
Dave: uhhh  
Dave: ok?  
Terezi: >:/

Roxy reaches her hand down into Calliope's bag and produces a second book, which she lays on the table in front of us. Its cover is made of unfathomably ancient leather, and its pages taste like brittle yellow honey. Stitched into the cover is a single word:

Terezi: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S HOM3STUCK  
Calliope: in simplest terms?  
Calliope: it is a docUment detailing almost every moment of oUr lives, across a mUltitUde of probabilities.  
Dave:  
Terezi:

I reach for it at the same moment that Dave does, but Calliope pulls it back towards themself reflexively.

Dave: you cant just drop something like that and expect us to believe you   
Calliope: there are things in this book you cannot know yet.  
Dave: oh my god with this shit again  
Terezi: WHO WROT3 1T??  
Calliope: we aren't sUre who started it, bUt based on the handwriting at least some portion was continUed by vv.  
Dave: so vv did these paintings  
Calliope: yes.  
Terezi: HOW DO YOU KNOW 1T'S R34L??  
Calliope: becaUse it chronicles things i have never told anyone. in these pages are conversations between long dead parties. between yoU and yoUr brother. between yoU and vriska.  
Dave: prove it  
Calliope: we don't have time.  
Dave: then why tell us about it at all!  
Calliope: becaUse yoU are both going to perish at jUne's hands within the next foUr hours, Unless we have this conversation in the next five minUtes.  
Terezi: BULLSH1T  
Calliope: do not Underestimate yoUr matesprit, terezi.  
Terezi: SH3'S NOT MY-  
Terezi: WH4T3V3R, TH1S 1S 34SY, W3 JUST T3L3PORT 1N 4ND KNOCK H3R OUT FROM B3H1ND. JUN3 N3V3R W4TCH3S H3R CORN3RS  
Calliope: it is not that simple. within the hoUr, we will all be Under the significant grasp of her narrative inflUence.  
Calliope: when that happens, no one on this earth will be able to sUrprise her.  
Dave: then what are we supposed to do  
Calliope: the enemy will be whispering to her that everyone she loves is against her. as yoU might imagine, this will not be a difficUlt sell on her part.  
Calliope: she will be expecting a fight, and she will react to violence with exponential recoUrse.  
Calliope: bUt if yoU remind her that she is loved, that may caUse her to hesitate long enough for someone to get close and remove the device from her body.  
Dave: "may" sure is doing a lot of work in that sentence  
Terezi: TH3R3'S NO W4Y TH1S W1LL WORK  
Calliope: why do yoU say that?  
Terezi: B3C4US3 YOU DON'T KNOW H3R L1K3 1 DO!  
Calliope: i woUld say i am rather coUnting on that fact, terezi!  
Dave: why just us though  
Dave: why not karkat  
Dave: june loves karkat  
Dave: why not rose and kanaya the three of them are like in a whole ass relationship  
Calliope: rose and kanaya are already incapacitated by circUmstance. as for karkat, we had jasprose take him, as well as as jake and jane, to the other side of the planet in a diversion.  
Dave: why though  
Calliope: becaUse they will only get in the way.  
Dave: what the fuck  
Dave: how can you know all this  
Dave: how can you DO all this  
Dave: terezi back me up here  
Dave: i know weve had our differences today but come on  
Dave: this is insane right?  
Terezi: ...  
Dave: right???

1... 1 DON'T KNOW 4NYMOR3  
  
1 T4K3 4 Long slow br34th, and then stand up and walk slowly towards the back exit.

Terezi: HOW F4R 1NTO TH3 FUTUR3 DO3S TH4T BOOK PR3D1CT?  
Calliope: a very, very long time.  
Terezi: HOW M4NY T1M3S H4V3 W3 FOUGHT B4CK 4G41NST 4 S33M1NGLY OMN1POT3NT 3N3MY ONLY TO DO 3XC4TLY WH4T TH4Y PR3D1CT3D?  
Calliope: i take yoUr point, bUt i believe that vv knew i woUld receive their joUrnal, and knew that roxy and i coUld pUt the pieces of their code together.  
Calliope: this book describes a fUtUre in which almost all of Us perish, and the rest are left to langUish in regret Until the end of time.  
Calliope: i do not think for a second that vv woUld foresee this possibility and then refUse to offer Us a chance at changing it.  
Terezi: HMMM  
Terezi: HOP3  
Calliope: hope?  
Terezi: TH4T'S WH4T YOU W4NT US TO H4V3, R1GHT? HOP3 1N 4 B3TT3R FUTUR3?  
Calliope: yes, i sUppose so.  
Terezi: Y34H TH4T'S WH4T 1 THOUGHT.  
Terezi: W3LL, 1 TH1NK YOU'R3 R1GHT 4BOUT TH3 POSS1B1L1TY OF CH4NG1NG TH1NGS  
Terezi: BUT YOU'R3 D34D FUCK1NG WRONG 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG 3LS3  
Calliope: perhaps, bUt you don't know what i know-  
Terezi: WH4T 1 KNOW 1S TH4T UND3R NORM4L C1RCUMST4NC3S, TH3 F1RST TH1NG 3V3RYON3 WOULD TRY 1S TO T3LL JUN3 TH3Y LOV3 H3R  
Terezi: 4ND 1F SH3'S R34LLY UND3R SOM3ON3 3LS3'S CONTROL, THOS3 WORDS W1LL GO 1N ON3 4UR4L R3C3PTOR 4ND OUT TH3 OTH3R L34V1NG 3V3RYON3 3LS3 3XPOS3D TO WH4T3V3R SURPR1S3S SH3 H4S 1N STOR3 FOR US  
Terezi: 1 WILL NOT L3T TH4T H4PP3N.

As I open the back door to the just-breaking dawn, I hear the shrill whinging of the cherub as they try to chase me down.

Calliope: wait! what are yoU going to do?  
Terezi: 1SN'T 1T OBV1OUS?  
Terezi: 1'M GONN4 FUCK1NG K1LL H3R

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> art and consultation by [@SamFateKeeper](https://twitter.com/SamFateKeeper)  
> for a breakdown of the historical references and process behind making this art, read [her essay about it right here.](https://www.stormingtheivorytower.com/2020/11/what-i-learned-painting-2047500-pixels.html)


End file.
